


A Whole Cabin of These Mutant Kids

by SomethinglikeGoodnight



Series: A Whole Room of These Mutant Kids [2]
Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ADHD, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Anxiety Attacks, Cutting, Drug Use, Falling In Love, Fights, Fluff and Smut, Implied Relationships, Kissing, M/M, Medication, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Multiple Personalities, Multiple Storylines, Music, Recreational Drug Use, Schizophrenia, Storms, Suicidal Thoughts, Summer, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-12 19:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 46
Words: 71,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9086038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomethinglikeGoodnight/pseuds/SomethinglikeGoodnight
Summary: After an exciting three months in the intensive care ward at St. Rafael's mental institution, 18 year old Tyler Joseph and his Friends set out to a remote summer camp in the poconos. It was supposed to be a fun retreat to encourage healing, but Tyler soon learns this definitely isn't going to be very relaxing. Instead, a wild fling full of sex, drugs, and ukulele screamo





	1. Bus Rides and Nervous excitement

**Author's Note:**

> HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY PART 2!!!!

"PUNCH BUGGY!" Brendon cackles from the back seat.

"OW! What the fuck dude?!" Pete yells as Brendon punches him in the shoulder

"That's gonna bruise what the hell?" He sighs, rubbing his shoulder. 

"Note to self, never sit near Brendon." I laugh, turning around to face him. 

"It's a small bus, a long ride, and I'm getting bored. What do you expect?" He giggles. 

"How bout you see how many different states you can find on the license plates?" Patrick suggest sleepily. Brendon's noise had woken him up. 

"They all say either Ohio or Pennsylvania." He groans, face pressed up to the window, watching his breath cloud up the glass. 

"Be patient, we're like half an hour away." I sigh, turning back around. My iPod was dying, and Josh was asleep next to me. Almost everyone on the small school bus was asleep. We were waken at 5:30, and herded outside onto busses taking us to the camp they promised would be fun. Apparently, we were "recovering" and as a treat, our ward was being taken to a camp for boys with unstable mental health. In order to "encourage fast recovery" we were supposed to stay here for eight weeks, then go back to the hospital in Ohio. Right now, we were just outside Pennsylvania. Our destination, the Poconos. I had never been anywhere outside of the state, and I would've asked Josh but he was asleep on my shoulder. 

"Patrick?!" I yelled at him.

"Huh?" He looked up from where he was resting his forehead on the seat in front of him.

"Have you ever been anywhere?" I asked, and Brendon and Pete looked up as well.

"I've been to Florida once." He mumbles, putting his head back.

"I live in Utah, but I've been to Hawaii to see my mom's side of the family before." Brendon adds, climbing over a sleeping Ryan to get closer to me.

"Pete's been to Chicago, Mexico, and Spain." He says, and Pete nods in agreement.

"Mexico and Spain were for studying abroad, before I was admitted to the hospital. I should be there right now as a matter of fact." He frowns.

"That sucks dude, at least we are going to camp Pennwood." I say with fake enthusiasm. I was sure it wasn't going to be that bad, but the idea of a trip annoyed me. I just wanted to stay in the hospital and chill out. I get too nervous leaving places I'm comfortable in. Anxiety was threatening to appear at any moment. 

"It will be fun...we'll make it fun." Brendon smiles. I guess hanging out in the mountains would be pretty cool.

"I heard there's a huge ass lake with jet skies, kayaks, and boats." Pete says, and Brendon's eyes widen.

"Woah." He looks out the window at the rising sun, casting an orange purple glow through the windows. 

"Sarah told me the cabins are huge and we'll be able to swim and stuff." He says, still staring out the window.

"It's camp dude, what do you expect?" Pete raises and eyebrow at him

"I've never been to a summer camp." He shrugs and Pete's eyes widen "are you serious?!" He gasps "your boys, and you've never been to camp?!"

"Neither have I." I say defensively, and he stares at me as well. Truth be told, I was always to anxious to leave home by myself. I could barely handle school, never a sleep-away camp.

"Then you guys are gonna fucking love this. Josh used to be a Boy Scout, so I'm sure he'll be able to show us a bunch of cool survival tricks." I had almost forgotten about that. I got excited thinking about how much fun we were going to have. And I bet there's a lot of privacy in the woods. 

"I can't wait to have a bonfire on the beach." Pete sighs and I picture it. 

"I can't wait to go on a hike." I say, I was dying to smell the fresh air and see the lake. Growing up, I was always into nature. I had a treehouse in the woods behind the suburb where I lived, but as I grew older I became less and less inclined to go outside.

"I can't wait to run around in the dark." Brendon says casually. As if that was a perfectly normal thing to do. I watch as large evergreens speed past, seeing the transfer of smooth asphalt turns to pothole covered road. We were getting closer.

"OH OH LOOK!" Brendon screams like a five year old, waking everyone up. Groans rise from the faded leather seats.

"CAMP PENNWOOD, EXIT 9!" He yells, bouncing in his seat. 

"You better stop or you'll be bouncing on my dick the first oppritounity we get." Ryan scolds, rising from his deep undisturbed slumber. 

"Sorry... geez." He mumbles, settling down from his high. 

"It's literally seven in the morning Brendon, shut the fuck up." Josh groans from next to me. I smile as I watch him stir, rubbing his eyes like he does every morning. We had gotten into the habit of sneaking into each other's rooms to sleep after I was admitted back into my own dorm. 

"Look alive, sunshine." I say, pushing his bright yellow hair out of his eyes. He had gotten a package from his friend Ashley full of new hair colors to try, and when I called him dunshine one morning he decided to change it that afternoon. 

"Good mornin." He yawns and I feed him a bite of the granola bar I had grabbed in a hurry before being ushered out of my room.

"Can you two stop being so sickeningly cute?" Ryan spits from behind us, grumpy from being waken too soon.

"Sorry that our relationship isn't abusive like yours." I spit back and he giggles, rubbing Brendon's shoulders.

"I'm not abusive, I just know him way too well, I know what he's scared of, why he does the things he does, and most importantly, I know all the tricks to his body. Let me show you," he says before squeezing an area of skin on the back of Brendon's neck. As soon as he does, Brendon's entire body goes rigid. He smirks as Brendon tries to squirm and he mouths the words "help me." I try n

Ryan laughs and continues "anyway, he likes it rough. dont you sweetie?" He shakes the back of his neck and Brendon nods under his grip.

He finishes nodding, "incredibly gay, but the sex is so good." I chuckle at him and look back out of the window, closing my eyes as Josh plays with my hair and I watch as the bus turns into a dirt path and I watch as rows of wooded cabins speed past.

"Were hereeeee." Pete shrieks, shaking Trick's shoulders.

"Welcome to hell." I hear him mumble as the bus doors fling open with a mechanical crack.


	2. Swimming and Big Mistakes

The gravel under my vans crunches as I dismount the bus less graceful then expected. Sitting for so long had made my knees weak and I basically fell out of the bus, and head first into a tree. 

"Fuck." I moan, rubbing my head. 

"That was elegant babe." Josh smirks from behind me. I turn around and scowl at him, before taking on my surroundings.  
We were standing in a patch of dirt and gravel facing outward onto the entrance of the camp. There was a sign that said Pennwood Retreat, and a large building with fat wooden shingles laying on top. Behind it, were unending rows of big log cabins, all the same except for bird carvings over the doors. There was a decent amount of space between each cabin, for privacy and in front of each was a small fire pit and chairs. Each cabin had a wrap around deck with rocking chairs and a coffe table.

"Woah..." Brendon gasps, obviously impressed. 

"Yeah woah." Pete says, walking towards the big building I assumed was the cafeteria and offices. 

I let my duffle drop to the ground as I followed him, head spinning around as to take in everything. surrounding the whole perimeter of the grounds were the biggest evergreens I had ever seen. Perfect for climbing, with thick branches big enough to sit on. But the most amazing part of the whole camp was the lake. It was the biggest body of water I had ever seen. Granted I had never been to the beach or really anywhere, and it had a large sandy beach leading up to it. The water was a light greenish grey, and it reflected the trees and clouds into it. On the beach, there were boats, two jet skies, and a number of kayaks, as well as pits for bonfires. A large collective sigh erupted from my friends as we gazed lovingly at the lakes beauty.

"I wanna swim." Brendon said quietly before running towards the lake, peeling his shirt off as he ran.

"BRENDON GET BACK HERE!" Ryan yelled, chasing after him laughing as Brendon approached the beach with shocking speed.

"BUT I WANNA SWIM!" He yelled again and I giggled as Ryan grabbed his shoulders, pulling his arms back to stop him from taking his jeans off. 

"Not now!" He scolded with a smile on his face.

"Cmon babe lets swim..." he groaned, tugging at Ryan's shirt. 

"Don't you dare Ryan." Patrick said, catching up with them on the beach. By now, the rest of the group was watching as Ryan and Brendon both stripped down to their boxers and sprinted into the lake. 

"Oh my god." He sighed as they romped around in the cool water, splashing each other.

"Stop Ryan!" Brendon yelled as his boyfriend splashed him.

"Make me!" He yelled, continuing. 

"Fine!" He said, pushing Ryan over, and before he hit the water, his arm shot out to drag Brendon down with him.

The water sloshed onto the beach in small ripppling waves as we sat on the sand and watched them swim around in the lake before Sarah came running down.

"This is where you got off to." She panted, wiping sweat off her forehead, "cmon, we have to set up your cabins." This had me interested, I grabbed Josh's wrist and pulled him up. Patrick waved the boys out of the water and they ran out shivering. 

"Probably not the best idea to go swimming at 7:30 in the morning guys." He says, watching them fold their arms looking for warmth.

"Stuff it Trick, we were just having fun." Brendon retorts, shaking his head like a dog.

"Yeah im sure you did..." Patrick mumbled accusingly.

"What do you mean?" Ryan demands, both eyebrows raised.

"Nothing nothing..." he trails off and starts whistling.

Ryan's teeth get snagged on his bottom lip as he rolls his eyes in annoyance. "Shut up." He says before smiling slightly.

I study Ryan's figure for just a moment, my eyes raking over his body. He was willowy, not quite as much as Dallon. He was also a lot more fit than he appeared. His hair was now exceedingly wavy, more than I've ever seen it. I found myself gazing at his waistline for quite some time before my head jerked up at the sound of a cough. 

"Ahem." Josh huffs at me, clearly had seen my wandering eyes. Apparently, Brendon had too, and when I looked up his face was red with jealousy induced anger. 

"Babe, put on your shirt. Some people can't help themselves. He spat, and Ryan obliged, looking confused and embaressed. 

"Not my fault he looks so damn good." I said the words before I acknowledged the sentence. Brendon's mouth widened in shock and Josh's did as well. Ryan immediately turned bright red, and I saw Brendon's hand twitch out of the corner of my eye.

"Shit." I mumbled quietly before sprinting up the beach, feet getting caught in the sinking hot sand. 

"fuckfuckfuckfuck." I repeated, looking behind me to see Brendon chasing after me, yelling my name.

"Tyler Robert Joseph what did you just say to me?!" He yelled, catching up with me faster than I anticipated. 

I sat on the sand, and put my hands up in a surrender. He stood over me, eyes hooded and dangerous before he continued. 

"How about next time you think about MY boyfriend, you keep it in your wet dreams. Can you do that for my Tyty?" He smiled sarcastically, leaving me out of breath, and as red as a strawberry. Soon the others caught up, and Trick helped me stand. Pete followed, shaking his head and smiling, with a sulking Josh at his heels. 

"Josh-" I started before he cut me off.

"I don't care Ty, you can look at other guys all you want. Fuck them even. But don't think I'm sleeping next to you tonight, I'll keep me and my abs far away." He winked and sped up to catch up with the others, and I trailed along in the back sulking. Ryan following me, carrying Brendon's jeans as well as his own. 

"Heh." He giggled behind me and I raised an eyebrow in suspicion. 

"Thanks Ty, he's gonna be especially good tonight, I owe you one. We should make him jealous more often." He winked and handed me Brendon's jeans as he put on his own. 

"Maybe that would work with Josh..." I trailed of and he understood what I was thinking. 

"I do owe you one, I have an idea, just wait till we get to the cabin." I nodded, interested, but didn't ask anymore questions. What was going on in his head!


	3. Cardinal Cabin and Hiding Pot

"Here's your cabin boys! The Cardinal." Sarah announced enthusiastically. It was the farthest from the offices and doctor's cabins. Good. And closest to the lake. Also good. The only downside was that we all had to fit inside of it, and while it was really big, keeping nine boys in one room for eight weeks was going to be a struggle. And though it wasn't terrible, it was also a drag when we saw Gerard and his friends filing into the cabin right next to us. We were neutral, but that didn't stop Frank and Mikey from having a grudge, as well as Brendon, Josh, and Patrick. 

sarah leaces us to our devices after a while."I could get used to this." Pete said, stretching out on a bunk next to the front door. There were five bunk beds all along the walls, two on one side, and three on the other. Pete and Patrick had clamined the one right next to the front door, so that left the middle and last bunks to the rest of us. Andy and Joe took a bunk on the side with two, so Dallon took the one next to theirs.

"Since I don't have any friends, I'll be taking this whole bunk all to myself." He said with a grin. 

"Fine." We agreed. He didn't have a boyfriend, and Breezy wasn't allowed to sleep in the same cabin with us. But it's not like he had made a move with her at all. I was determined to make it happen though. Brendon stood with his arm around Ryan, and Josh was already unpacking his duffel on the bed against the farthest wall. I picked the one next to him, and started unpacking back to back against him. I saw him scowl. He obviously thought I was going to pick the one above him. And now I was just making him angrier. Perfect. Just as soon as I started unzipping my bag, Ryan walked over and chucked his backpack on the bed above me, glancing at Brendon challenging. Brendon received his smirk, and without a reaction, strolled over and put his humongous duffel on the top of Josh's bunk.

"Wow, y'all are salty." Pete mumbled.

"You know it." Josh said snarkily. 

The door opened with a bang, the screen almost falling out and Sarah stepped in, eying up all of us. 

"I have to go through your duffles." She sighed at our groans 

"Why?!" Pete asked, voice full of worry.

"Just to make sure there are no weapons or drugs, standard protocol. Why? Is there a problem?" She asked, unaware of Pete's habits.

"Of course not, it's just that I have a blankie with me and I don't want you to see it." He shrugged and we all laughed at him. 

"A blankie?!" Patrick giggled "hardcore babe." 

He made a shy smile, but just as Sarah turned around I saw him rummage through his bag frantically before stuffing a ziplock bag full of joints into his hoodie. 

She went through Andy, Joe, Ryan and Dallon's with no sign of anything, but as she went through Brendon's, he tensed and bit his lip. Shit, he has something he forgot to take out. Ryan's face turned red as well, he knows what it is. The three of us watched in anticipation to see if she'd take anything out, and just when I thought she was done, she pulled out an altoids tin. She shook it lightly, no noise escaping.

"Isn't it strange to have an altoids tin with no mints in it?" She asked with chagrin. She obviously knew what was in it, and I think I did too, but then she started to open it.

"IDONTTHINKYOUNEEDTOOPENTHAT!" He yelled, eyes wide with sinking dread.

"Oh." She opens the tin and quickly shuts it with a click. "Ohhhh um ok ." 

Brendon and Ryan both turn cherry red and stare at their feet. Slowly, she hands Brendon the tin and a blush creeps up her cheeks. 

"Just...I-I'm just glad you're being safe." She mumbles before moving to Josh's duffle, leaving us all in shocked silence.

I perch myself cross legged on the bottom bunk and watch her go through Josh's clothes with care. He brought his NASA shirt, my favorite, as well as a bunch of other tees, a pair of jeans, and shorts. She also pulls out a camera and a number of sketch pads, as well as charcoal. I don't know he drew. She pulls out bags of candy, and one more thing of hair dye, blue. 

"Ok Josh, your all set." She says, moving to mine. I watch josh carefully as he pulls out a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and winks at Pete before stuffing it in. Pete comes over and whispers something in joshs ear, and motions towards his pocket. Josh removes something I can't see, and it makes a faint crinkling noise as Pete gapes a little, stealing a glance at me, quickly turning away when he's sees I'm staring. 

 

(Josh's POV)

"What else did you take out? He whispers, inspecting my pack of cigarettes. 

"Oh nothing..." I trail off, patting my back pocket.

"Cmon, let's see then." 

"I don't know if I'll need them." I chuckle "with how he's acting lately." 

"You to were fine this morning drama queen." He rolls his eyes and pokes my pocket. "Let's see Josh."

"Fine." I sigh as I pull out the packet. They crinkle a little but and I hope know one hears.

"Your just like Brendon." He sighs "a sex crazed lunatic" he laughs and pulls out his own.

"Hypocrite." I shove him lightly and he looks over at Tyler. 

"Dude he's staring." He laughs, stifling it in my shoulder.

"Then don't look at him, you are being shady."

"Ok ok I'm not." He teases. 

"Ok guys I'm done, dinner is at 8:00, don't drown and don't get lost. Oh and by the way, there are cameras, so be careful where you fool around." She blushes, before leaving the room and jogging up to the nurse's and doctor's cabins.

"I have a feeling there isn't going to be much supervision." Patrick says. 

"That means we can run free all we want." Dallon says, standing up. But as of now, I'm gonna put all my shit away." 

We all do the same, putting clothes away in our dressers. Since me and Ty are next to each other, we share one. I ignore his when he tries to touch my hand by "accident" while putting his clothes away. He packed that tank top I love. The long one, with the sleeves that droop so low you can see his waist. He takes notice to the sketch books I packed, and the blue hair dye. I take notice to the basketball and the notebook he shoves under his pillow city vigor. 

"Josh could you put this under your clothes please?" Brendon hands me the mint tin. 

"Just keep them in yours like everyone else." I say, stuffing mine under my jeans. Tyler definetly noticed those. 

"Ahem." He coughs a little and I grin, ignoring him.

"Put these in your own loser." I chuck them back up to him. He sighs but does so. 

"I'd take yours for you." He mumbles sourly.

"I'm not gonna share mine with you Brendon!" I say, frustrated "they're probably too big for you anyway..." I mumble. Tyler looks up suddenly and Brendon throws his head down from the top bunk, hanging like a vampire.

"What did you just say Joshua Dun?" He spits in my face and I giggle.

"Nothin." 

"I'd be glad to show you Joshie, to prove you wrong." He says seriously. "But just I'm not sure I'd fit in your mouth." 

I gasp, my mouth hanging open, and I can almost felt the red hot anger radiating off of Tyler. 

"Leading me up to a big dissapiontment when I do see it." I joke and he flushes.

"Just you wait Joshie." He mumbles and Tyler starts making his bed with so much anger I almost laugh.

"I'm going for a swim." Pete announces. To avoid the situation I got myself in, I grab a pair of swim trunks, a cigarette, my lighter, and a hoodie before following him out the door.


	4. Cigarettes and No Sex

"This water is fucking freezing!" Pete yells as soon as he dips a toe in the murky grey water. I notice a large bundle of planks afloat in the center of the lake and motion for him to follow me. I was already chest deep, and swimming towards it. As I came upon the dock I climbed up on it with Pete swimming up towards me. 

"This is so cool!" He yelled in my ear, climbing up behind me.

"Yeah." 

There was a long strip of flat planks holding the dock afloat, and it had a small ladder so you could climb up onto it. I assumed this was used for diving back then. It was surprisingly not worn, and there were little chips and creaky boards. I decided at the last minute to grab a ziplock bag and put the lighter and cigarettes inside so they wouldn't get wet.

Just as the lighter clicks and small flame peeks out, I hear the door to our cabin slam and Brendon, Ryan, and Tyler storm out towards the beach. 

"JOSH!" I hear Brendon yell, taking off his shoes "what are you doing out there?!"

"Smoking!" I yell back, taking the cigarette out from between my lips. 

"Why?" He yells back. Why does he care so much? I look over at Pete and he shrugs, shaking his head spraying water everywhere. 

"I don't know, I feel like it?" I respond.

I see them huddle up and I chuckle. Pete dives off and swims around in the deep water, reaching out for my legs.

"Dude get off!" I say laughing. I look up to see what the boys are doing and sure enough, they have come up with some sort of plan. Brendon gets a boat and files the other two boys in it. I chuckle as they almost tip over...twice, and it takes them awhile to figure out how to paddle. When the finally reach the dock, they are out of breath and I'm almost done my first one.

"Took you long enough." Pete laughs, swinging his legs over the side, kicking at them.

"Shut up." Tyler mumbles. He's climbing on, almost falling in the water as he does so. 

"Hey babe." I say, watching him take off his socks.

"Don't hey babe me. Why are you smoking?" He sounds more annoyed than curious, and I feel like I'm in trouble. But I'm not, I've always smoked. I've even shared one with that Frank kid before.

"Because I brought a pack and I'm stressed." I answer, with eyes shifting.

"You never smoked in the hospital." He retorts.

"Correction, you never SAW me smoke in the hospital" I say smugly. "It's really only when I'm stresssd." 

"Why do you need to now?" These were an awful lot of questions that I didn't feel like answering.

"Because." I shrug and he walks forward and takes it out of my mouth.

"HEY!" I yell, trying to take it back.

"You're gross." He mumbles, smelling the smoke.

"Mmm...I think it's hot." I say before blowing a small cloud in his face slowly.

"ACK!" He coughs. "Whats hot about that?!"

"This." I take it from his fingers and inhale, wiggling it between my lips and putting it between my fingers before leaning forward and kissing him, pushing the smoke into his mouth.

"Gross." Ryan mumbles, "it's always better with weed." 

He coughs and pulls away, putting his hands in front of him signaling he's had enough. It kinda hurt me to see him pull away from a kiss.

"What you've never smoked before too?" I ask and he looks taken aback. 

"Too?" He frown and crossses his arms "what else have I not done that you prefer I have?" 

"Nothing." I say a bit to fast, he's basically a virgin with everything, but I didn't want to make him feel bad.

"I mean, you're a good kisser?" I smile weakly and he frowns even more.

"Oh you don't like that I'm a cute little Christian virgin?" He snaps "never fucked, never smoked, never done anything cool?" His voice is low, and I don't like it.

"No, I mean, you are cute. And I dont mind that you aren't a seasoned professional at things, sometimes slow is good..." I nod my head reassuringly.

"Oh really? Slow means packing condoms? Because I'm not sure what you were planning on using them for." 

"Oh...um, I just thought, it would be better to be prepared. Just in case." I finish weakly and he smirks.

"Not if you keep smoking." He says sternly, folding his arms.

"You aren't going to have sex with me if I keep smoking?" My brow furrows and he nods stubbornly.

"Yup." Pete cackles 

"HAHA COCKBLOCK!!!" Tyler laughs and so does the other two boys.

"Fine...whatever..." I say sulking. I throw the rest of it in the lake. But not before taking one last inhale and blowing the full cloud of grey swirling smoke right in his face.

"JOSH!" He yells, stepping back away from the foggy grey substance.

"Tyler!" I say mocking him. He pouts 

"Your being so incorrigible today!" 

"Wow look guys, Tyler's gonna impress us with his big boy vocabulary." He blushes and I have no idea why. 

"STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!"

"Maybe if you weren't acting like one I would!" I retort.

He pauses, defeated. He doesn't have a comeback, and I know it, but I won't point that out.

"Josh." His voice is cool and calm, face retreating back to its normal color.

"Hm?" I raise an eyebrow

"OH YOU TWO JUST FUCKING STOP!" Ryan yells, grabbing Tyler's arm before he can get at me. Was he going to actually fucking punch me?

"You need to take a breather Josh." He says, pulling Tyler away.

"I DO?" 

"Yeah."

"HE STARTED IT!" I whine.

"Josh." He repeats, acting like Dallon, "go back to the cabin." 

"Fine." I mumble "Cmon Pete." 

We swim back, adrenaline from the fight giving energy to paddle through the icy water. Why was he acting like that? I was just fucking smoking and he had to fucking come up and scold me. When we reach the beach I grab a towel and dry myself off, squinting to see Tyler and Ryan. Brendon was swimming, and Tyler was...wait...what is he? OH MY FUCKING GOD!


	5. Misunderstandings and Sneaky Boyfriends

"TYLERRR!" I scream at him. From what I can see, he and Ryan are doing something I would rather not mention to be honest. So, this was payback. If so, two can play at that fucking game. They wanna sleep in the same bed? Sure, why the fuck not, we're still next to each other. I guess I'll just have to figure out a way to get back at him. 

"He's not fucking stopping..." I sigh as I watch. Ryan turns so I can't see Tyler and my hands curl into fists. 

Brendon is still unaware, diving under deeper and deeper every time he comes up for air. I find myself extremely jealous, I just wanna swim out their and pry them apart, throw Ryan in the water and fuck Tyler right there on the dock.

"Hmmmm" I hear behind me and I whip around.

"Pete, stop staring, that's my boyfriend." I pinch his arm and drag him back to our cabin.

"Ow ow OW! Fuck dude stooop!" He whimpers.

"Shut up you little bitch, he's not a pornstar for you to jack of to." He giggles and I choke back a smile.

"What am I supposed to do? I have to get him back for this!" I ask the rest of the guys when we are back in the cabin.

"I'd suggest silent treatment, don't pretend to cheat on him like he's doing." Patrick says seriously. Pretending? 

"Wait...pretending?" I ask and he nods.

"He was obviously faking it. Brendon was right there and you were far away, he knew you'd see what you saw and that's it. They could've been hugging." 

"Fuck your right." I mumble, "but they did look like they were...whatever."

"He wouldn't do that. He's not like that. You might be, but not him." Dallon sighs intervening.

"Youre right, you're right." I sigh. But I still wanted to do something about it.

"I'm kinda sick of the silent treatment." I say quietly, "I could pretend nothing happened, and be like, extra nice to him to make him feel bad." Patrick nods.

"That's a really good idea Josh, you should do that." Then it's settled, pretend like I don't care, that I'm fine. That'll show him. I hope.

 

"Hug me!" Ryan says, pulling me close while Brendon swam below us.

"What? Why?" I ask, way to close to his face.

"Just do it, he's watching." He mutters into my neck and I shiver. 

"Oh right." I smirk, putting a little more enthusiasm into my movements.

"Ugh stop." He mumbles again. "Did Josh say you were inexperienced? Cause you aren't." He smiles and I blush.

"Oh stop. He's just being stupid. Let him calm down and spend a lot more time with me. Maybe Brendon will notice too." He smirks, turning a little to watch him paddle around. I take a peek at the shore and see just what a I wanted. Josh standing there before turning around and storming up the slope into the cabin, obviously fighting with Pete as he dragged him behind.

Blush creeps up my already red face, "Ryan... he's gone, you can let go." 

"Oh...heh, sorry." He pats my head. This was kinda awkward considering what I had said earlier. Whatever, he was into it and I was still mad at josh. This might be a little overboard but hey, it's camp and I wanna have some fun with him. Besides, it will probably pay off in the end, it always does.

"So what should I do?" I ask Ryan. I want to do this right, take a page out of his book.

"Be a lot more physical with him, maybe touch him when he's not looking, to make him notice you. If he gives you the silent treatment, which I garuntee he will, ignore him but still do the touching. You can touch me too if you want." He winks and my ears get hot.

"This is probably your first time doing something like this so take it slow and ask me if you don't know what to do next. But whisper the question in my ear if he's watching you." 

"Ryan....how are you so good at this, you have it all planned out." He grins.

"Brendon's easy to figure out, but hard to trick. Easy to make jealous, but hard to bring back." He shrugs, "I've just had a long time to be a sneaky boyfriend." I laugh. Is this love? 

"You guys really love each other, don't you." He sighs whimsically 

"You could say that." His eyes sparkle. I want this. Sure, they can be crazy, sexual, jealous, and tricky. But in the end, they're in love. I'm not sure me and Josh are though.

"Has Josh had a lot of boyfriends?" I ask, not really wanting to know the answer.

"Not really, he said he had a few before he came to the hospital, but I don't think they worked out. Couldn't handle his problems." 

"Oh." That's all I say." Could I handle him? I could barely handle myself. We get in the boat and Brendon hangs on to the back as we wobbly make our way back to the shore.

"Ok, remember what I said..." Ryan whispers in my ear as we open the door to the cabin. My hands are shaking, ,y face pale.

"Remember the plan..." he says.

"Remember the plan." Patrick whispers in my ear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming tonight! Your comments make me smile! :)


	6. Card Games and French Lessons

The door gives its signature creak as it opens, alerting everyone of their presence. Brendon and Tyler walk in, Brendon dripping wet with a towel around his waist. Ryan follows, kicking of his sandy shoes as he does. 

"Hey guys." Patrick says, looking up from a comic. "How was the water Bren?" 

"Cold." He replies, teeth chattering "real cold, hopefully it will warm up." 

"Yeah." Pete mumbles from his gameboy, not even looking up.

"I'm gonna change." Brendon huffs shaking. "Can you hold up my towel Ry?" He whispers and he nods with a smile.

While they go off into the corner, Tyler strolls over to his bed, leaning over to see what I'm drawing. I don't snap the book shut like he thought I would. I just put it down slowly and smile. 

"Hey, you didn't swim?" I ask as normally as I could.

Flustered, he responded "Um, n-no, I didn't feel like it." Makes sense, I thought to myself but just went back to my sketch pad, and he lingered before sitting on his bed, wringing his hands slowly.

"Ry STOP!" Brendon yelled, half giggling, half scolding Ryan as he pretended to drop his towel. He was putting on a shirt.

"Why didn't you just put on shorts first?" I ask, looking up from my sketch.

"Wouldn't you like to know." He replies smirking.

I roll my eyes and continue to shade. It was a drawing of Brendon and Ryan. I started it when I was in solitary. I got inspiration from the night we watched Beauty and the Beast. Their figures are intiwined, laying on the sectional. I had just finished Brendon's face, his lopsided smile with his eyes closed as Ryan lay with his mouth open on his chest. I don't know if I wanted to show it to them when I was finished, they might think it's creepy. But to me it looks like love. Pure unrequited love captured with charcoal.

"Josh." I looked up. Brendon was laying on his side seductively. "Draw me like one of your French girls." I burst out laughing and so does the rest of the room. Except Tyler.

"Dessine-moi comme un de tes filles franciases." Patrick says out of nowhere and everyone's mouths hang open like a cartoon.

"Quelle?" He raises an eyebrow at our confused faces.

"Trick..." Pete mumbles cautiously 

Patrick just mutters another word in French looking quizzically at our shocked faces.

"Vous parlez en Francais de nouveau." Pete says to Patrick with a sigh earning more shocked faces 

"Merde!" Patrick spits and throws a hand to his mouth so I intervene

"Are you speaking fucking French?!" 

"Oui." He replies 

"Oh oh, that means yes!" Brendon yells.

"Obviously." Patrick sighs. 

"What was that?!" I yell in his face "you never told us you speak French!" 

"I guess it just never came up." He giggles nervously glancing at Pete. 

I shake my head "unbelievable." 

"What's unbelievable is that it's June 28th." Brendon says in a serious tone, flopping down

"And?" Ryan asks and Brendon looks as if someone slapped him

"Are you kidding me?!" he shrieks and I pull back

"What?" I ask and he whips towards me

"Do you not know what day it is today?" He asks with tears in his eye. Oh shit what did I forget?

"Its..." he fakes a sob "Its the one month anniversary of Harambe's death." he wipes a fake tear from his eye and Pete bursts out laughing. 

"Oh it is?" I ask sounding completely uninterested but he shoots me an offended look so I kiss my fingers and hold them up "RIP"

"I can't beleive none of you remembered."he fakes another sob, and buries his face in Ryan's shoulder. Ryan just rolls his eyes.

We play cards, draw, write, and listen to music until the sun starts to set. Sarah pops her head in the cabin just as I had a full house and was about to demolish Patrick.

"Guys, dinner." She smiles and we file out the door. I hold it open for Tyler when he's the last one out.

"Thanks." He grumbles

"No prob." I answer with a smile, before jogging to catch up with the rest of the guys.

"So...what are we doing tonight?" Pete asks inbetween bites of fried chicken.

"I thought we could have a bonfire!" Brendon suggests enthusiastically.

"That'd be cool...on the beach or outside the cabin? Patrick asks

"Beach of course!" Ryan says and we all nod in agreement.

"Till then." I sigh, staring at my soggy mashed potatoes. The food wasn't terrible, but it could be a lot better. Tyler sat in front of me so we'd be facing each other, Ryan on his left, Pete on his right. I sat between Patrick and Brendon, the three couples all across from each other. It was cute really, but it would've been cuter if he was talking to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was in French partially, if you don't know it, look it up...I just wanted to make Patrick speak some.


	7. Fire pits and Truth Or Dare

"That's too many logs!" Ryan yells as Brendon throws two more chunks of wood on the already flaming fire. 

"Dude chill." He jokes, ruffling his hair and sitting on the sand next to him. 

"Your gonna waste the firewood." He mumbles, settling into the sand.

The fire was blazing, spiting out popping ember angrily. Feather-like bits of ash floated out of the top of the flames and down into the sand. It laid on a bed of neatly stacked logs and twigs. I was impressed at how well it came along. It was a chilly night. Sand cool and fine under our bare feet, being warmed by the fire's anger. The stars peeked out at us through the branches of the huge towering trees, and mosquitos were kept at bay by cans of Off! Polluting the air. 

"What should we do?" Brendon asked from under Ryan's arm. We were all in a circle around the fire, some had thin blankets, and I had brought my candy. Tyler sat paces away from me, and I was laying on my side. Pete had his head in Tricks lap and Dallon was in my right. Andy and Joe on my left. 

"Truth or dare?" Pete offered and Ryan nodded 

"Any other ideas?" No one spoke "I guess truth or dare then." 

"Ok, Trick truth or dare?" Pete poked his side

He hesitated "I know I'm boring...truth." The group groaned 

"Why didn't you pick dare?" He asked challenging him. He cleaned his throat.

"Because I don't want to start off the game with a crazy dare...we should ease into it." 

"Fuck that." Said Brendon disrespectfully

"Fine, truth or dare Brendon?" 

"Dare." He smirked smugly and crossed his arms "you won't think of anything I won't do."

We get in a huddle and after about 10 seconds, we have one.

"We dare you...to jump in the lake." 

"Eas-" 

"Butt ass naked." 

He freezes, face turning white, against the golden glow of the fire.

"B-but...What if someone sees, Gerard?" He pleads, eyes wide and frightened. 

"You can't think of anything I won't do!" Patrick throws his words back at him and he scowles. 

"You're all assholes." He says, peeling off his shirt and shorts. He stopped at his boxers and looks up.

"Butt ass naked." Patrick repeats and Ryan snickers 

"Cmon babe your gorgeous." Ryan says reassuringly. 

"I won't even fit in your mouth." I taunt like a smart ass, repeating what he had boasted about earlier and he whips towards me

"You better stop." He spits before walking into a more shadowed area, wringing his hands

"Hurry it up buttercup." Patrick claps his hands.

"Stuff it!" He yells, Turing around so his back is to us, yanking down his boxers. I try to hold in my laughs, but I just can't. 

"AHAHAHAHA!!!!!" I scream like a hyena

"SHUT UP!" He cries, not daring to turn around.

"Cute ass." Pete yells he starts to run, and dives into the cool, starry reflected water. 

We all burst into tears as he goes under, wiping our eyes and almost screaming with laughter. As he comes towards us, we stop.

"What in gods name are you doing?" Ryan giggles, as he walks towards us backwards.

"Nothin." He mumbles, grabbing his boxers and hurriedly putting them on, goosebumps covering every inch of his body, and we can see them all. 

"You're ruining all the fun babe." Ryan laughs, reaching his arm out and tugging them down again.

"RY stop!" he whimpers, pulling them up again. He only outs on a shirt and sits back down next to him. 

"My turn..." he says quietly, examining us all. I hear what I don't want to.

"Joshie..." his lips curl into a smile. If this is how he wants to play then I'm all in.

"You know what? Dare." I say and Tyler gasps. "What?" I look over at him and he blushes

"N...nothing." He mumbles and Brendon continues.

"Ok Joshie...I dare you to kiss me." I freeze and so does Ryan with our mouths hanging open.

"What?" We both say in sync.

"You heard me, you either make up with Tyler right now, or you kiss me." 

I turn and look pleadingly at Tyler. 

"I don't know..." he pretends to think and licks his lips "I can still taste smoke." He crosses his arms. Here's stubborn Tyler again, and he's not letting me go without a punishment.

"Please." I beg but then he turns and whispers something to Ryan. Ryan whispers back and Tyler nods, before twisting back to me.

"If I go up into your room, will there be a pack of cigarettes in your drawer?" I bite my lip and look down.

"I guess than you're kissing Bren..." he sighs then I sigh and turn to Brendon. He winks and crawls towards me, sitting in front of me. We are both criss cross. He looks at Ryan first, and waits for a nod before turning back. To my dismay, he does.

"Go ahead." Ryan shrugs with a pink tint on his cheeks.

I gulp as he takes my cheek in the palm of his hand, pulling me close softly. His lips aren't chapped, his tongue isn't tough. These are what I assumed they would feel like. Instead, his lips were like new velvet, his tongue wasn't bad either. It went on for hours in my head, but when we were about five seconds in, he pulled my hand that was resting on his thigh farther down. I immediately tensed because I knew where he was leading it. I almost choked in his mouth when I felt it because He. Was. Huge. I gasped and opened my eyes, to see his staring back at me. Just then, I felt arms yanking me back.

*Cough* "That's enough" Ryan said softly and Brendon retreated, wiping his mouth off. I sat stunned. And regained myself quickly.

"T-Tyler, truth or d-dare." I stuttered. 

"Truth." He mumbled, and I looked down and noticed something I was really glad I had. 

I smirked, my eyes trailing back up to his own "is it true that you enjoyed watching that?" Pete whooped and he turned so red I thought his head would pop. 

"No, That's not true." He shifted in the sand.

"That's funny, I think you're lying." I smirk and lean back

"Prove it." He spits. Fine, he wants to be grumpy, fine.

"Then stand up." I say, hiding a huge grin. He froze, biting his lip in worry trying to decide what he wants to do.

"Go on Ty, let's see!" Ryan yelled, shooting him a mysterious look Tyler received with shock. They were communications somehow and I wanted to know what they had up theor sleeves. Tyler nodded so fast I almost didn't see it, then rose slowly from his sitting position, putting his hands on his hips. 

"This what you wanna see so bad Josh?" He smirks and The whole circle snickered at what they saw.

"Yeah." I mumble with the lick of my lips. 

Tyler plops down and pulls his shirt over his knees, now apparently emabarassed at his "problem"

"PETE!" He yells suddenly "truth or dare!" 

"Dare." Pete says without thinking

"I dare you to punch Patrick." Wow that's dark. This took us all by suprise, Pete the most.

"W-what?" 

"Punch Patcrick." He said simply, sitting down.

"Babe..." he said smiling at a furious Patrick.

"Fucking fine, where ever you want." He mumbled without emotion.

"I love you so much honey." Pete whispered loudly, before punching him right in the dick. 

"OH FUUUUUCK!" He shouted, being silenced with Petes lips. 

"Shhhh shhhh I'll fix it later..." he whispered into his ear, cradling Pats head. 

"That's gotta hurt." Andy mumbled. 

"Big time." Ryan mumbled 

"How about we play this again later this week, so no one else gets hurt." Ryan suggests, and Patrick nods quickly. 

"Yes please....oh shiiiiiit."

"Never have I ever?" I suggest, watching Tyler closely. 

"Why not?" He asks, shooting ma a look that reads no less than "keep 'em coming."

This wasn't going to end well that's for sure.


	8. Never Have I Ever and Winks

"Never have I ever," Ryan starts, raising 10 fingers "had sex outside." I look around and see Pete put down one

"What the fuck Pete?!" Brendon cackles when he sees he's down to 9

"High school." Was all he said and the group nodded.

"That girl?" Patrick mumbles

"Yeah, she was weird." He says, kissing his forehead. "Ok my turn."

"Never have I ever...given a blowjob." Pete says to my amazement. Everyone except for Me, Andy, Joe, and Dallon put down a finger. 

"Seriously Pete? Never?" Josh asked and he shook his head. 

"I've received." He winked and Trick shoved him "you might give your first tonight after that stunt you just pulled." He mutters, feeling his crotch with a pained face.

"I said I'm sorry, you heard me." He whines "I don't like to giveeee."

"Shhh, be quiet sweetie, we'll discuss it later." 

"Ok, Tyler you go." Josh says to me. I still wasn't happy with him, the thing with Brendon might've done the trick but he's acting weird...like he doesn't care. Ryan had shot me a look earlier before they kissed that said "just let him" and now I kinda regret it, that should've been me. 

"Ty." He repeats and I jump

"Oh, s-sorry I was thinking." Good save, I think to myself.

"Can't be that hard." He giggles and I turn red.

"Stuff it." 

"Never have I ever had sex." My ears go hot and everyone puts down a finger, except for Dallon.

"Noobs!" Brendon coughs.

"Dude just because they haven't had a dick shoved up their asses, oh sorry Dallon...I mean, it really doesn't matter." Ryan scoffs.

The pink on my face fades and I throw him a grateful smile.

"Thanks baby." I wink and Brendon lowers his eyes, and tilts his head to kiss his neck, marking his territory. Ryan keeps his eyes open and watches me.

"Baby?" Josh pokes me 

"What? A harmless nickname." I shrug and he frowns.

"Never have I ever!" Brendon yells "have found someone's kink!" He looks around as Josh, Patrick, and my fingers lower.

"Ohhhhhh I wanna know Josh's!" Ryan smirks. 

"Not anytime soon." He winks and I make a choking noise of protest. I wanted to tell them.

"Something to add Tyler?" He asks warning me. I raise an eyebrow smugly.

"Oh I don't know...do I?" I'm waiting for an apology from him, if I don't get one ill tell them. But I'm not gonna tell Josh this.

"You want me to apologize?" He asks, poking my side "huh? Do you? Well I don't know, maybe if I get a kiss right here.." he tilts his head.

"Cmon Ty just tell us!" Brendon whines. I don't know if I want to though. But...he did tell them mine, I don't know.

"Am I going to have to wait all night?" Josh asks impatiently.

"I don't know....daddy." I say loudly, pecking his cheek. I guess this was us making up.

As I pulled away from his cheek he grabbed my face and pulled me to his own. Our lips clashed once again and I felt fireworks and... his tongue. I battled against his, exploring his mouth, using my memory to trace the nerves on the roof of his mouth. He pulled me closer, and just as I lifted a leg over his thighs to sit on his lap, Brendon whooped and they all started clapping.

"Awww shut up." I groan, climbing off off Josh. They look mildly disappointed including Josh.

I roll my eyes "later Josh..."

"I wanted to see the full show." Brendon whines.

"You gotta put in your credit card information to continue the show." Josh winks and I blush.

"So...daddy?" Ryan asks with a smirk and Josh turns a deep red, and I stifle a giggle. Biting wasn't nearly as embarrassing as being called daddy.

"Enough of this gay shit, I have an overdue dare for Dallon." I say breaking the sexual tension and standing up. "Time for the millionaire matchmaker to join forces with the ship sailor." I grab Brendon's hand and pull him up.

"Put on your pants Bren, we've got a nurse to find."


	9. Sweaty palms and Getting the Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK YOU GRACE HERES SOME STRAIGHT DALLON SHIT FOR YOUR GAY ASS

(Dallons POV) 

 

"Guys...guys...GUYS!" I yelled, trying to shrug the guys off me. "GET OFF!" 

"Dude stuff it!" Josh yelled, tugging a shirt over my head.

"Nice abs." Brendon smirked, feeling my stomach. It felt kinda good, not gonna lie.

"Bren....get off of me." I spat, rebuckling my jeans after he undid them.

"You need a make over dude, you're disgusting...you're never gonna get Breezy if you wear the same thing everyday." I rolled my eyes, he was right. 

"Do your hair like this!" Ryan scolded, flipping my part to the other side, long brown strands obscured my vision.

"I don't think this is going to work," I looked over at Patrick "you guys don't even know how to impress girls." I mumble 

"Excuse me?!' Brendon asks, agasht "I lost my virginity at 13 to a girl thank you very much."

"I'm not sure that's valid information." I groan unamused 

"Ugh." He groans rolling his eyes "of course, Dallon doesn't know anything..." I scowl.

"I do so." I say, crossing my arms "just because I haven't fucked anyone..." 

"Well, you might tonight." Josh winks

"No...well.....No!" I yell, shaking my head in protest. "She's not like that...I mean...I'm gonna wait." 

"Loooooser." Pete yawns "whatever bro, you can spend the night TALKING or whatever...me and Patrick on the other hand, we'all be having the fun for you." I blush. 

"Thanks, Pete." He giggles and I roll my eyes

"Cmon guys...what am I supposed to say?" 

"I don't know...girls are weird. You say one wrong thing and boom! She just leaves." Brendon shrugs.

"What?! So what am I supposed to do?" I beg

"Dude, just chill. She's alone at a summer camp. You're her best option." 

"Thanks Josh, that really helps." 

"Sorry. I thought it might help." 

"It didn't." I mumble. What in the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn't ready to talk to Breezy! I wasn't even ready to look at her! In front of people! I guess I just had to wing it. Once everyone went back to their own things, I grabbed Josh's arm.

"Hey, I know you had a quite a few girlfriends in the past." I whispered

"Guilty." He winked

"I just wanted to ask if you could...um, be my wingman? Maybe follow me and then ditch me when it's going good?" 

"Sure man." He patted my back "glad to help you get some." 

I laughed "thanks dude." 

"No problem really, cmon let's go." He grabbed my wrist and dragged me out the door

"See you guys in an hour!" He called back at the closed door.

"Yes sir!" Pete yelled back and I chuckled.

"Where do you think she is?" I ask and he tilts his head.

"If I was her...I'd probably be in her cabin." He shrugs. "But Sarah is in the so...."

"Oh, just ask her about Tyler, then I'll sneak in and talk to her. Or, we can both go in and then I'll take her out." He shrugs again

"I guess I'll do number 2." 

"Ok then." We walk in silence.

"So." He says, breaking the silence "do you think Tyler is still mad at me?" 

"I don't know, I mean, you kissed Brendon like an hour ago and still excpect him to be fine. Then again, you guys are always on and off so it could really be anything." 

He lets out a deep sigh. "You're right, it could be anything. I think I'm just going to go for it tonight, just like you." 

"You go!" I yell and he hides his face in his hands. "I have a really romantic idea but I want to wait."

"What?" I ask, curiosity bubbling inside.

"Naw naw...it's personal." He shakes his head 

"Fine...." I mumble as we reach the nurse's cabin.

"You sure she's in there?" I ask nervously, my voice shaking.

"It's a gamble man...I have no idea. Here, let me." He steps ahead of me and knocks. I can hear my heart beating in my ears and it feels like it's going 100 miles an hour. Josh could feel it too apparently.

"For the last time...chill." 

I take a deep breath. "Ok ok..." just as I finish the word the door swings open and I see Sarah staring back at us in nothing but an oversized t shirt. Her hair is wavy and wild. She definitely makes it work.

"What's going on? You guys need anything?" She mumbles, rubbing her hazel eyes.

"No, no um...Dallon wanted to talk to Breezy.

"Oh, ok...B!?" She called to the back of the room "some tall hunk is here to sweep you off your feet!" 

I began to sweat...this wasn't going to work. Here I was barging in at nearly midnight, and I expected her to just kiss me. I heard nervous but frantic shuffling in the back and my ears grew hot. I heard a crisp voice call out from on top of a bunk,

"Really?! Is it Dallon?! Tell him to wait a minute, I have to put on a bra." It sounded excited and nervous, which is exactly what I felt like. Maybe it wouldn't be THAT akward...


	10. Moonlit beaches and Smooches

(Josh's POV) 

"Ok, I think I'm gonna go..." I say stretching my arms. Dallon grabs my wrist and pulls me back.

"No no no please stay? Until I can handle it?" He whispers in my ear 

"Dallon I'm not going to hold your hand." I roll my eyes "you need to do this yourself." I pulled away and he started shaking.

"Shhhhh, shhhhh. Calm down, she's excited to see you." I try to soothe him. His eyes light up and he looks down at me.

"Really?! She's excited?!" 

"Yeah, you could totally tell." I say and he smiles

"Ok, ok...I-I've got this." I take a step back and wait for Breezy to come to the open door. Dallon looks back at me with a lopsided smile before seeing her approach the doorway. 

"Hey Dal what's up?" She asks, leaning on the doorway. I can tell she's trying to hide her jitters

"Um I just wanted to um...talk to you if that's ok?" She shrugs and takes his arm, asking down the path.

"Where do you wanna go?" She asks and he looks at me. I shrug and he sighs softly.

"Um...how about the beach?" She smiles and starts walking towards it, motioning for him to follow. I give him two thumbs up and a smile before he turns away and runs after her like a puppy. 

I sigh. Crushes. What a waste of time. But who am I to criticize him. I had been exactly like him before, and sometimes I still am.

"Why'd you come Josh?" I heard Sarah behind me. 

"Oh, I'm "wingman" of the night I guess." She laughs.

"Ha, same I guess..." she trails off. Where is she going with this. 

"You know...you could stay if you wanted?" I blush, was she flirting with me.

"Oh um...I was going to go apologize to Tyler..." 

"Oh. Oh....that's fine, if you ever wanna hang, I'm here." She grins and slowly closes the door.

"Fucking shit....I'm a stud!" I whisper to myself with a grin. I start making my way to the cabin, glancing at the beach. I could make out Dallon and Breezy's moonlit figures sitting side by side, Dallon's arm around Breezy's shoulder. Cute. 

(Dallon's POV) 

"So..." she says, my arm around her shoulder.

"So...." I repeat and she giggles softly. In the dark I can still make out her dark chocolate hair, her twinkling dark hazel eyes. Her lips, perfectly shaped and petal pink. 

"You're so beautiful." I say a little too fast, and she immediately blushed.

"You're not too bad yourself." She leans against me and I suck in a breath, before exhaling slowly. 

"How are things?" She murmurs.

"Things are good, now they're better." 

"That's good to hear." She says softly. The moon watches us from over the lake and I remember a song Brendon once sang when he thought no one could hear him. 

~flashback~

"Hey moon, please forget to fall down Hey moon, don't you go down." I peeked over the corner and saw a figure sitting in the middle of the hallway. It was about 2 in the morning, and I had to pee. 

"I missed your skin when you were east, You clicked your heels and wished for me." The voice was so incredibly beautiful I thought it was a dream. But as I got closer, he looked up quickly and his eyes were blown and red from crying.

"Brendon?" I asked, bewildered.

"Hmm?" He wiped his eyes, getting up.

"That was really pretty..." I said and he started crying again, softer.

"Thanks...could you....take me to my room?" 

"Oh...yeah sure." I walk side by side with him and he sniffs.

"I miss my family." He chokes out and I smile sadly, watching his pain.

"I do too, but at least you have us to keep you company, you know we love you too." 

~~~~~~~~

"Do you ever miss your family, your girlfriend?" She asks suddenly breaking the silence and now it's my turn to blush. 

"I miss my family everyday, and how can I miss a girlfriend if I've never had one." I regret sounding like such a sad idiot. 

She chuckles at my mistake "I know you don't have one, I just wanted to hear it." 

"Do you miss your boyfriend?" I ask, throwing the question to her and she blushes

"How could I miss him." She hesitates, "if he's got his arm around me." She whispers and I tense.

There isn't a sound for quite some time. Just the water, trees, and animals. She lifts her head to look at me after a minute or so. 

"Dal-" she starts to apologize but I cut her off when I press her lips to mine.


	11. Climbing Trees and Stolen Kisses

(Tyler's POV) 

 

"Do you hear that?" I whisper in Josh's ear. He somehow convinced me to leave my creaky but comfortable bed, in favor of a walk. I told him it probably wasn't the best idea to walk around in thee woods at night, but I dismissed the thought. We were only here for 8 weeks, we could sleep as much as we wanted back home. God, did I just think that? That place is not home. As much as it might seem sometimes.

"Yeah it sounds like...moaning?" He scrunched up his face, bringing me back down to Earth.

"More like a wounded animal." I snorted in retaliation "Glad we don't sound like that." The noise was coming from far off, no where near here so it wasn't Dallon. God I hope it wasn't.

He rolls his eyes and I glare at him. 

"Its definitely not Dallon, he's still over at the beach." I looked over, sure enough he was, and locking lips with that nurse. Breezy, I think I heard someone say her name was.

"lets go crash their party." I smirk and he pulls my arm back. 

"Naw, lets leave them be, we wouldn't like that if it was us." Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Since when did we do anything like that out in the open?" he shrugs but steers me away from the beach.

"I saw you eyeing up those trees earlier, what for?" he looks at me and I avert my gaze from his silhouette to the towering spruces surrounding us. They really are perfect. Better than any of the trees I've ever seen in Ohio. they were taller, thicker, and had much stronger trunks.

"I was just thinking it would be really easy to climb them, get to the top." He laughs and I scowl

"What?" I question and his laughs die slowly and he shakes his head

"Nothin, just imagining you try to climb a tree amuses me." I lower my eyes

"Try? Oh sweetie I'm better than you think."

"Sure sure." he says entering the woods, with me at his heels.

"So where do you wanna go?" He asks me, turning his head around for a moment, searching the dark. I chuckle slightly, careful not to let him hear. He walks out looking around to see if I ditched him.

"Ty?" I giggle at his confusion, stepping up one more branch.

A twig snaps off and lands at his feet. He picks it up and inspects it before looking up a the darkness.

"Ty?" He repeats, stepping closer. I hear the click of a flashlight.

"Tyler what the hell?" He shines the light in my face and I growl at the beam that's hurting my eyes. He quickly moves it out of my face but keeps it on me, tracking my movements. I'm on a really high branch, a lot higher than he probably expected, on a huge Douglas fir. I'm laying on my stomach, with my limbs draped over the sides. I assume I look like a cat, like a panther snoozing up in a tree.

"how'd you get up there so fast...and so quiet?" He looks up at me and I roll over on my back, with room to spare.

"years of practice." I say into the needles above me, breathing in their scent. Smells like Ohio. But a bit sweeter. Syrup?

"Do you think I could get up there?" he calls from below and I giggle.

"If you can climb all the way. But I don't think there's room for your fat ass." He pretends to be offended.

"Maybe my fat ass and I will leave you here in the dark." He says clicking off the flashlight. 

"No no no Josh please turn it back on!" I beg and he doesn't obey.

"Jos-" the light clicks back on and I look below. He's sitting, straddling the branch below me with both legs hanging over each side. I was surprised to say the least, he was almost as good as me. But I could hear him when climbing up because of the little huffing sounds he made. Although, he did do it in the darkness, while still holding on to the light.

"Hey babe." I chuckle. He clicks his tongue in response and swings himself up to my branch. The humongous branch I'm laying on now is probably 8 feet long and 4 feet wide, give or take a few inches. But it had plenty of room, Its like these trees were made for this. He goes from straddling the branch to straddling me and I'm beginning to lose breath. its fine if he sits on my lap when I'm on a chair or bed and stuff, but not so much 20 feet off the ground laying on my back against cold hard tree.

"Josh!" I gasp out and he bends over to kiss me, and I forget about my lack of air. There are owls and crickets and god knows what all making noises in the background but all I hear is Josh's breathing and the pounding in my chest. He slowly and carefully crawls off of me backwards and leans against the main part of the tree, stretching his feet out towards me. I take this opportunity to shift myself onto his lap, because he is being supported by the higher truck. We both look out into the foliage, and see the stars peeking out through layers of branches above us. We can see a good deal of the camp now, and two cabins have their lights on. Ours and some other one at the far end. I can almost hear Patrick yelling at Pete for something from all the way up here. It really was an amazing view. We'd have to do this again.

"Psst?" I twitch and snap my face back to Josh's, still seated comfortably in his lap.

"You were lost in subspace." His eyes are dark and glassy, like two small bowls of ink. 

"I tend to be a lot." I whisper softly

"Do you need someone to drag you back to the shuttle?" He whispers and I nod.

"Yeah." he tilts my face back towards his, for it had wandered to his neck, snuggled in the smooth dip in the crook of his neck.

"you can't fall asleep up here." he mumbles, nudging me slightly.

My eyes flutter "wake me up then." 

He presses his lips to mine. soft and smooth like always, he tugs on my bottom lip softly with two teeth and my eyes shoot open.

"Like that?" he mumbles and I nod 

"kay." he does it again, before connecting our mouths once more. after making out for about 10 minutes, my lips wander to his neck and suck softly. I can almost feel the blood rushing to the surface of his skin, and when I pull off I admire the mark I had left. We take turns, going farther down the neck and leaving lighter marks that would be gone by tomorrow. (we realized we had to take our shirts off tomorrow.)

"Josh, I'm gonna pass out." I whisper and he nods. I slowly creep down the trunk and reach the ground, him following not long after. I'm stumbling to walk through the leaves and roots, tripping and swaying until I feel strong arms around my knees and I let my body drop. he picks up my doll like body and trudges through the forest while I bury my head in the crook of his neck. He steps over the roots and carries my gently, so I don't stir. I can feel myself drifting off to sleep and the next thing I know there's a faint chirping in my ear and a golden light streaming through the cabin's window casting shadows throughout the room. Slow sighs and snores are heard from the other guys and dust particles swirl through the stuffy cabin air. I blink once more to see a tattooed arm hanging off the top bunk directly above me. I close my eyes again and sigh. This was only the first day. My arm starts to sting and I look down before remembering last night. Late, after everyone had gone to sleep. When the quiet got violent.


	12. Cranberry Juice and Catfish

(Tyler's POV)

I must've fallen asleep again because the next time I opened my eyes the light in the room was almost blinding. I heard a faint horn in the distance and I guessed it was a trumpet. My ears tuned in to the noise in the room and I knew people were shuffling around near me. I groaned softly and pulled the thin sheets over my head.

"Get up loser." I heard someone say above me. It sounded like an extremely sluggish Brendon urie.

"No." I said stubbornly. 

"You're gonna miss breakfast." he retaliated and I groaned. I rolled over, peeking over the sheets. he stood by my bed fully dressed with his arms crossed. as much as I wanted to argue my stomach growled.

"Fine." I mumbled, unraveling myself from the tangled sheets.

"Thatta boy!" he smiled and gave me a shirt. Thank god it was long sleeved. I hid my shame and threw it on. His eyes wandered for a second, worry welling in them but I turn away and break the silence. 

"Where's everyone else?" I looked around, trying to distract him. Apparently everyone had left while I was complaining.

"They left because you were being a stubborn child." He huffed, walking towards the door. "hurry up or I'm leaving without you, they have pancakes."

My mouth watered. I was dying for some actual food, they never gave us anything but processed crap back in Ohio, and nature plus good food was the start to a promising summer. The only question I had, was why we had never done this before. I had never gone on any field trip type things while being in Ohio, and I don't recall anyone else, besides being sent to a more intensive care unit out of state.

"Pancakes?" I asked as I pulled on a pair of jeans, ditching a belt because I could honestly care less. 

"yeah, we are gonna talk about what we are doing today, Pete wants to swim and chill on the beach, but some people wanna hike." 

"I'm sure we'll think of something." I say, following him out the door. It was so bright, despite the looming trees around us. The lake was sparkling and empty, a more grayish blue than green today, and there were no clouds in sight. 

"We have sunscreen right?" I ask, walking beside him.

"yeah of course, my goal is to not look like a vampire for once in my life." I laughed at this, we all kinda looked like vampires, but I've always been at least semi tan.

"Josh could really use some color." I say casually.

"true, so could Ryan." he says, smiling a little. I watch as two blue jays sit on a high branch ahead of us. There was so much wildlife here. I was excited to see some deer, maybe some raccoons, but to be honest they kinda scare me.

"I heard there are fish in the lake." Brendon says, looking at the birds too.

"No shit Sherlock." I giggle and he punches my shoulder.

"No like catfish and shit." he says seriously. I roll my eyes.

"Yes Brendon its a lake. There are going to be fish." 

"well then I'm treading water.' he laughs as we approach the cafeteria in the largest building.

I immediately found our clique, seated at the far end of the room, tucked in the corner. There were rows of large booths, almost like an actual restaurant, and ours was rounded into the wall so it had plenty of room for all of us. Brendon and I got our pancakes and bacon, he eats them with no syrup for some crazy reason.

"that's so weird dude." I chastised as he ate the pancakes with only butter.

"whatever, they're good like this." he argued, stuffing another in his mouth.

"can you pass the the cranberry juice Ty?" Josh asked from the far end. When we came over hey were discussing our plans for today.

"So, guys we are swimming until 2:30 then we are going to go on a hike, we heard that there's a waterfall so that's our goal to find." Patrick says. i know its kinda stupid, but I really like routine, that's why I was always kinda comfortable in the hospital, and now that we're here, It's going to be hard to keep a schedule and I'm glad Patrick is helping me out. 

"sounds good." echoed around the booth, accompanied by chewing and glasses clinking as ice hit the sides. I watched as the condensation on my apple juice grew, forming dots of water on the sides.

"Ty." I heard and perked up. 

"I heard there was a rope swing, wanna go find it later?" Josh asked and I nodded. 

"i'll join." Pete added.

After about 20 minutes and two more servings of food later, we all shuffled out of the crowded cafeteria and went to put on our bathing suits and gather our beach supplies.

"Dude I'd kill a man for those hash browns." Pete laughed as we walked into our cabin.

"same dude they were amazing!" Brendon agreed.

"so....how are we gonna do this?" I asked quietly, holding my swim trunks.

"Do what?" Josh asked with a quirked brow

"change...in front of everyone." I said quietly, blush rising

"Do you want me to show you how I do it?" He asked seriously and my eyes widened. 

'Do what?!" I yelled and the group of boys spun around. 

"Dude be quiet just watch." he said nervously, wrapping a towel around his waist. He made it tight.

I watched as he reached under and pulled off his boxers, then standing back up and walking over to the dresser to get a pair of shorts. I felt my face get hot knowing what was under the towel. He pulled them on, still not revealing anything, then yanked off the towel.

"taa daa!" He chuckles as he looks at his lime green striped swim shorts and nothing more. I was impressed, but it didn't seem that hard.

I reached down and wrapped the towel around myself, bending over to pull of my plaid boxers. Once they were off, I grabbed my trunks and pulled them on. 

"Good job!" Brendon praises me.

"that was easy." I scoff

"maybe next time you won't have a towel" Josh replies dangerously.

"very funny." i say, rubbing at the shirt I was STILL wearing. I should've thought of this before I did what I did. 

"C'mon guys, lets find the rope swing!" Pete yells, breaking the tension. The group nodded and shuffled out the door, sunglasses in hair and towels flung over shoulders.

"kay, lets go Josh." I tug his arm and he follows me out the door shutting it tightly as light spills into the still and empty room.


	13. Sandcastles and Rope Swings

(Josh's POV)

"Hun, put it on or you're going to burn." Ryan scolds as he hands the sunscreen to his stubborn boyfriend.

"Fine fine, I was just about to calm down." He retorted, grabbing the bottle from his hands.

"Well do whatever you want, but don't come complaining when you're red all over." he mumbles, laying his towel down. The beach was almost empty, except for a few people on the other side.

"not my mom." I heard Brendon mumble and I giggle.

I laid my navy blue towel down on the beach and watched as everyone started lathering their pale bodies up with generous amounts of sunscreen. We were all so white I laughed in my head. Everyone was in serious need of a tan. We had laid about 11 towels in a row on the hot sand, then put each of our bags in front of them. I snorted at Brendon's princess blanket and he glared at me.

"Something the matter Josh?" he asked, clearly annoyed

"No nothing, I love it." I bit my lip to stop the bubble of laughter from escaping my mouth.

"better be nothing." he grumbled defensively. "I had my mom send me them a few weeks ago, it my sisters."

"I know Bren, chill out."

He huffed and walked down to the waters edge before sitting down right where the sand is dark and wet. I watched as he scooped a pile of sand out of the ground and started making a sandcastle. I rolled my eyes and sighed at his silliness. However, I kinda wanted to join him. Before I swan I know I needed to put on lotion, so I opted for the spray on because its easier to apply. I held my breath as I sprayed my face, and sat on my towel while I waited for it to dry.

"wanna swim Josh?" I heard Tyler ask behind me.

"Once this dries." I watched as Patrick and Ryan walked down to the water. Pete had gone off in search of the alleged rope swing but I told him to go alone because he had already sprayed himself. I felt the strong sun on my back, a nice heat spreading throughout my body and over my back. i looked over at Tyler and giggled.

"What?" He asked defensively, "Is it the glasses?" He was wearing these see through orange aviators and they looked pretty ridiculous. 

"N-no." I giggled "Why are you wearing those?" 

He shrugged. "Because I want everyone to know I'm a cool guy, that's why I'm here." I rolled my eyes

"I will push you in that water Joshua." I raised an eyebrow.

"I'd like to see you try." He pouted and I stood up. "C'mon, let's go swim." We jogged down to the waters edge and saw Patrick wading with Ryan, and Brendon putting the finishing touches on his surprisingly good sandcastle.

"Where's Pete?" Tyler asked and as if on cue, we heard a low shriek and I raised my head to watch as Pete's figure flew through the air before landing in the water with a huge splash.

"be careful..." I heard Patrick mumble and my heart swelled.

"I guess he found the rope swing." Tyler stated quietly and I smiled.

"10 bucks says you're too chicken." I challenged and he whipped around

"I am so not chicken, let's go right now in fact." He strutted away, following a small pathway leading to where Pete was. He had swam back over to where he had came from. He wanted to go again probably.

"Pete!" He yelled, as we came upon a large hill. Pete was standing on top, holding the large knotted rope in his hands

"This is so fun, you guys gotta try it!" he yelled down at us.

"Ok we are coming up!" Tyler responded and taking my hand, we trudged up the hill. As we got to the top, Pete backed up with the rope in hand, before running forward and launching himself off the cliff, swaying a bit before letting go and dropping into the cool, sparkling blue water.

"easy enough." I heard Tyler sigh as he walked forward, catching the swinging rope before taking a few steps back.

"be careful Ty." I said cautiously.

"calm down mom." he scoffed before running forward and jumping straight off the cliff. I ran forward and looked over the edge to see him flying over the lake, screaming in exhilaration as he did so. He swung back and forth for a bit before letting go and plummeting into the water. I took a breath and swallowed ass I caught the rope swinging back towards me. Gripping it tightly, I started moving my feet. Slow at first, then faster, then...they weren't on the ground anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is rly short....I will update so check back in a bit


	14. Dock Talks and Confessions

(Tyler's POV)

I watched as Josh flew through the air, kicking his legs and yelling out a jumble of excited curses.

"Holyshitthisissofuckinamazing!" 

Before the rope stopped swinging permanently, he let go and hurled himself into the water, forming a quick cannonball before hitting the surface sending a wave towards me. I laid on my back in the water, controlling my breathing. Shit, I was having another fucking panic attack. I knew this would happen. Jesus Christ, this was the fourth time this past few days...I tried to relieve stress last night after everyone fell asleep, but it ended badly. I felt my chest rise and fall rhythmically, speeding up before slowly faltering. I'm not sure what this one was about, but I wasn't really looking to find out why.

"That was a good one!" Pete exclaims from the hill, running off again and jumping into the water missing Josh by at least a foot.

"wanna swim out to the dock?" I asked, trying to distract myself.

"yeah sure, race you!" He replied before diving under. 

"No fair!" I yelled to myself as I paddled towards the dock he was already much closer to.

When I reached the surface I looked up at Josh's figure standing on the dock, blocking the sun out of my vision. I tried my best to smile at him like I was fine.Him being the considerate person he was, returned the favor.

"help me?" I asked, reaching my arms out like a toddler as he rolled his eyes and pulled me up onto the rickety wood. We stood for a few seconds silent, gazing out on the lake's morning beauty.

"Josh." I said suddenly

"Yeah?" he asked, looking off at the shore.

"I n-need to tell you something." He turned around immediately and held onto my hand.

"what is it Ty, are you ok?" He had nothing less than panic induced horror in his eyes and it killed me to know that I cause him so much worry.

"Never mind...its nothing to get worked up about." I tried to avert his gaze, but he wouldn't stop looking at me.

"Tyler...what happened?" I shudder and he pulls me into him, our bodies almost melting together.

"l-last n-night after everyone fell asleep...I couldn't sleep and I had a p-panic attack because we are so far from home and I freaked and thought it would be ok to..." My voice falters and he pulls back and grabs my face.

"where." is all he says and I sit down, shaking all over. He gets on his knees and I take his hand, leading it to my ankle and left wrist while turning my face away in shame. I hear him inhale. Almost a sigh, but more of shocked gasp instead of a disappointed sigh.

"oh Ty...." Is all he says, running his fingers over the pink and scarred flesh. The prominent lines dotted with dried blood. I let out a quivering sob, and he brings me into his lap. Our still wet, dripping bodies pulled close under the beating sun.

"You could've woken me up..." He says quietly. Oh god, he thinks this us his fault. Oh god no. I shake my head slowly and let out a pathetic sob before speaking

"I'm such a burden...I don't want you to worry." 

"You are NOT a burden Tyler Joseph, you are the most important thing I have and I can't see you like this." My brain shuts down for a moment, black lining my vision. "No no no." I mumble. This is the last fucking thing we need, and as if on cue, I let out a breathy sigh and I slump forward, onto his shoulders limp and unfeeling.

 

(Josh's POV)

"Ty?" I ask, shaking him softly. He was out cold on my shoulder, the weight of his body holding me down. I sigh heavily, the exhaustion and anxiety had clearly gotten the best of him.

"PETE!" I yell as he waded around in the water "COULD YA GET THE BOAT OUT HERE PLEASE?" He heard the urgency and annoyance in my voice, and swam towards the beach immediately, and after a few minutes he was rowing the boat over to the small dock.

He says nothing. Just keeps the boat steady as I lower Tyler's limp, doll like body onto the boat as carefully as I could. As we rowed back. I watched as our friends made a small crowd at the shore, desperate to see if Tyler is ok. When we reach the sand the boat lurches forward, and I hop out taking Tyler in my arms. 

"Oh my god...Josh is he alright?" Brendon stares shocked.

"Yeah he's...Fine." Everyone is always fuckin fine...GOD DAMN IT HOW DID I NOT SEE?! I punish myself in my head, I'm so fucking stupid I didn't even notice. I'm such a god awful person. I'm awful for not seeing, and for letting it happen. To him of all fucking people. Tears well in my eyes but I shake them away. I don't deserve their pity.

"Do you need help with taking him to the medical cabin?" Patrick asks and I shake my head.

"No, you guys stay here and hang, he'll be fine in about two hours, he just needs sleep and some meds." They all relax at this, shoulders slumping.

"Oh ok, thank god. Come back when your done Josh." Pete pats my back as I carry Tyler up the path and towards the cabin with a red plus painted on the side. God I hope he just needs sleep.

"You did the right thing taking him here Josh, not just back to your own cabin." Sarah's praise does nothing for me. That doesn't excuse the fact I let him get to this point.

"B could you get that glucagon shot from the cabin?" She asks and I turn pale

"whats that?" I ask with a shake voice

"Glucagon helps raise the blood sugar, his panic attack caused his blood sugar to lower, and his complete freak out drove his head into overdrive making him black out because his body wasn't focusing on helping itself."She rambled on, making no sense to me at all. I don't speak doctor.

"Is he gonna be ok?" 

"He'll be fine, tired probably, and most likely grumpy. It really is best if he doesn't pass out every week though." She glares at me in disappointment and I lower my head.

She ties a blue band around his left arm, feeling for the main vein there. I watch her purse her lips at the new scars. "I'm inspecting his stuff later." Is all she says as she pierces his arm's skin easily and injects him with the clear sticky liquid. I watch his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm,his eyes flicker under the lids. I knew he was still asleep though because his mouth doesn't move while he's asleep.

"You can stay here if you want, though I doubt he'll be a ray of sunshine when he comes to. He'll probably fall asleep as well." She shrugs and packs up the small clinic, shutting cabinets and zipping cases. I sit in the chair beside him and watch his faint blue lips turn back to their natural blush color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mad Gear and Missile Kid....


	15. Beeps and Sleeps

(Jishwa's POV) 

My eyes open suddenly at the sound of beeping. Its fast, loud, and far from comforting. 

"BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!" I shoot up from my slumped position in the rickety chair and look around, whipping my head wildly.

"Wha-?" I start before locating the source of the alarming beeps.

The machine next to Tyler's bed was making the sounds, blinking a bright blue light at every pulse. It hadn't been making the noise before, and I got up to look around in search of the cause. 

"Where in the?" I mumbled, looking at the control panel then under the bed. I then realized maybe it was Tyler causing the sound. I studied his facial features, his eyes were fluttering, and you could see rolling around under the lid. I went to hold his hand, squeezing it in time with the beeps. His breathing went from fast inhales to slow, heaving breathes, exhaling fast but becoming long dragged out breaths. 

"Shh.....Ty is ok..." I tried to comfort him as his hand started to twitch under mine.

"Its ok Tyty...calm down..." My voice was soft and hushed. His eyes stopped and slowly began opening and closing before settling on being open.

"...J-J..." He started to speak but I squeezed his hand.

"Bad dream?" He nodded and closed his eyes again.

"Its ok, I'm here." I used the most maternal voice I could muster.

"I know." He breathed.

"want me to stay?" I asked and he frowned a little

"No no go have fun, you'll miss the hike." He told me

"But you were the one who wanted to hike in the first place." I answered simply

"I know but we will again, tomorrow....go Josh." I could tell that he made up his mind so I could do nothing but leave. 

As I opened the door to the cabin, I looked out onto the shore to see everyone still on the beach, laying face down on towels. As I grew closer I smiled at the fact Brendon's back was already turning pink, threatening to burn any minute now. He could be saved if a considerate person sprayed his back while he was sleeping...but I'm not feeling too considerate after the stunt he pulled during truth or dare.

"Oh well...." I sang to myself as I stepped over the sleeping bodies, all of which were slightly tinted. Good, we really need some color to avoid looking like absolute fucking vampires.

I hummed as I put more sunscreen on, before popping in my earbuds and laying down on my back. I pulled my sunglasses down over my eyes and turned my head away from the sun. I tried to fall asleep to the sound of Death Cab, but I still had a pondering thought that didn't leave my mind.

"What is Tyler hiding from?"


	16. Aloe and ADHD

"Wake up sleepyhead!" I hear a voice above me and I groan into the towel my face is pressed against. 

"Why would I?" I ask like a brat

"Because its literally almost 2:30 and we were supposed to go on a hike." I lift my head and. Look around, literally everyone was asleep except for brendon and Ryan. 

I get up slowly, stretching my arms "did I burn?" I ask, turning around.

"No, but Bren sure did." Ryan chuckles and Brendon fumes 

"Yeah I did, even though I put on fucking sunscreen!" 

"Obviously not enough Hun..." Ryan tuts 

He sighs and kicks at te sand while Ryan digs around in his bag behind him.

"So what- EEP!" He lets out a high pitched yelp and Ryan smirks behind him

"What the-" 

"Aloe." He says knowingly, holding up a palmful of goopy green translucent sludge.

"It's so...c-cold." Brendon's shivering now, and Ryan just laughs behind him.

"It'll help, I used to get burned a lot as a kid." I say and they look at me 

"You went out a lot I assume?" Ryan asks, wiping his hands on his shorts and sitting down, criss cross.

"Of course he did, he was a Boy Scout." Brendon replies for me and sits down next to Ryan with his legs straight out in front if him.

"Yeah." I say sitting down on my towel.i study the two of then for a second while they converse about something quietly.

Ryan is sitting on a light blue towel next to Brendon's pink one, his shorts are navy blue and baggy, obviously too big and they still have the tag on the side. Brendon on the other hand has an obvious pair of hand me down shorts that hug his thighs a little to tightly. He runs his hand through his unruly dark brown hair, trying to get the sand out of it. Ryan tilts his head down, nodding it, letting his tortoise shell sunglasses fall onto his face and he shakes his long chestnut waves out of his eyes. Honey colored lenses hiding his whiskey eyes. 

"Look at me..." I hear Ryan mumble to Brendon, grabbing his cheek gently and tilting it towards him. Brendon smirks and pulls his jet black aviators over his inky black eyes. They stare at each other for a few moments and I savor the passionate PDA.

"You guys are like the sun and the moon." I say dreamily, and Ryan looks at me intrigued.

"The sun and the moon?" He pushes his glasses down and reveals his whiskey eyes once again. I can almost see his mind working as he processes the comment.

"Yeah...like, your polar opposites but you go together so well....day and night." His lips tug a smile, and he looks down and starts to hum, trying out different tunes and drifting off before settling on one and repeating it.

"Interesting." He says out of nowhere, and nods to himself. He glances at Brendon, and that's when I notice it, 

He's staring off into space, far gone and is tapping both feet rappidly. His fingers tips are busy too, tapping each other in a smooth but fast rhythm. His head twitches a little, and you can see his eyes darting a little under his sunglasses. 

"Bren?" Ryan asks calmly, and his head shoots up immedietly, twitching in the process. 

"Did you take your pills this morning?" 

You know when a dog gets in trouble and the owner confronts it? And then they try to deny it but its just so obviously that they're guilty so they flash the 'puppy eyes'? That's exactly what was happening right now and it was borderline halarious.

"Bren?" He repeats sternly and Brendon offers a weak smile, trying to stop his arms and legs.

"I-I, of course." I can see him mentally cursing himself for stuttering because Ryan sees through all his bullshit.

"Don't lie to me." He says again and Brendon hangs his head.

"I forgot." He whispers 

I hadn't really noticed him acting strange all morning. I mean, he's always kinda fidgety so it's kinda hard to tell but Ryan obviously knew what he was doing. The more I thought about the more it made sense though. He was WAY to excitable for an 18 year old and he had these awful mood swings...going from cheery and joyful to gloomy and dangerous in minutes.

 

"Don't lie to me Brendon." I watch as his eyes widen in fear. He was losing this fight and we all knew it.

"I-I'm not lying t-to you..." He looks down, running his fingers through his hair repeatedly.

"Brendon!" Ryan scold, walking over and grabbing his shoulders "Don't. lie. to. me." Brendon is still staring at the ground, clenching his hands into tight fists.

"Ryan!" He cries, "You don't understand! You don't know what it's like! It's so scary!" I step back at this in surprise and my eyes widen as his close in fear.

"It's like I-I'm inside my own b-body watching another version of me do things without being a-able to control i-it." He sobs, close to tears. "I don't want the medicine." 

"You have to take it hon, it's good for you and for us." Ryan argues with him, and tries to smile but I can see he's completely wrecked. I would be too if I was forcing someone I love to shove pills down their throat when it terrifies them.

"No, no, NO!" He sobs, covering his eyes in fear. In a flash, he wiggles out of Ryan's grip and tries to run, to escape but I run forward and grab his hood. He yanks back and recoils when Ryan strides over.

"C'mon, let's go get it...Your making it worse for yourself." Ryan says pulling him up by the ear. Brendon unwillingly follows Ryan up the dunes towards our cabin. I run after them.

"Hey hold up, I'm gonna go with you then maybe we can see Ty." I say, trying to lighten the situation.

"Good idea, I have to write something down, so just help Brendon take his pills." Ryan says, opening the door to the cabin.

"Ok." I reply and let Brendon lead me to his duffel. He pulls out an orange container, similar to mine, and takes out two large oval shaped purple pills. His hands are shaking and the pills almost fall out of his palm.

"So...what do you need help with?" I ask and he starts breathing heavily.

"I-I can't really swallow them..." He says blushing, wringing his hands "I can't do this Josh...please." he whispers and I bite my lip. 

"Bren you have to." I look him in the eyes. Terror. Pure, unadulterated terror. His pupils are almost taking up all the room in his eyes and he is pale as a ghost. He exhales repeatedly, not taking breaths in.

"I can't I can't I can't...." He whips around and tries to run out of the room again but I grab his arm.

"You need to calm down." I whisper shout, glancing up at Ryan.

"But I'm gonna die, I'll die if I do...p-please." He is begging me, and the words coming out of his mouth scare me so much.

"Shh shh! OK, OK." I repeat, Ryan was right across from us, scribbling furiously in a little book. I knew this was a bad situation that I should not have gotten myself into but now its too late. I tilt my head back quickly, and threw the pills in my mouth before swallowing them dry. Brendon makes a small noise from the back of his throat and pulls me in for a hug. A really tight one, like he was hanging on for dear life.

I take a step back once he frees me, and look up at Ryan. He's putting his pencil down and I know what I have to do to really sell this.

"Good job Bren!" I say sarcastically, patting him on the back

"Oh good Babe!" Ryan adds, hopping down and hugging Brendon with a smile. " See? that wasn't too hard. Lets go see Ty now." I nod and start to lead them out the door. When I realize they aren't following me, I turn around to see them sharing a seemingly passionate kiss. I smile sadly. I don't know why I'm so sad because I have that too, I guess I just want more moments like that.

"I love you so much." I hear Brendon whisper as I turn around and leave the room. 

This wasn't fucking fair.

"I love you t-" the door slams behind me and I breathe in the air slowly through my nostrils.

It hasn't even hit me what I've started.


	17. Puppy love and Jealously

"Josh where'd you go?" Ryan yells behind me and I roll my eyes. Obviously I had left without them because they were making out. Honestly, does he think I'd stay for that? I think not. 

"I'm up here!" I yell back, not hiding my annoyance very well. 

"What's up with you?" He asks, slightly cautious.

"Nothin." I say closing my eyes for a second. 

"Ok..." he sings softly and I roll my eyes. He's gotta be so nosy. 

"Josh...." he hums "are you jealous?" I whip around to see him with a huge cocky grin on his porcelain face.

"WHAT?!" I yell, agasht. 

"So it's true, the great Joshua Dun is jealous of my puppy love." He says it with a confident smile. I freeze when he finishes , puppy love? 

"Excuse me?" I ask with a raised eyebrow as Brendon approaches. "Puppy love?" 

He nods repeatedly "Yeah...what?" He is oblivious 

"You said puppy love. As if it's not real." I challenge him and his face tenses, his jaw clenched.

"No, no, I didn't mean it like that, stop trying to change the subject." He retorts and I feel my ears heating up.

"I-I...I'm not jealous. Of either of you." I try to catch myself.

"I know your not jealous of me or Brendon, but you are of what we have." He says softly and my eyes well. He sees it. He sees it all. 

"Josh, listen to me when I say this...you do have it...you really do, and don't ever doubt that again. You just don't see it because of the silly arguments, they blur your reality, but if you could see the way you look at each other....it's real." The sincerity in his voice makes a small tear roll down my cheek and he walks forward, putting his arms anround me and I force my face into his shoulder.

"Don't ever doubt it again." He says and I stifle a sob. 

"Dry your eyes, come on we are gonna see Ty." I do and just as I look up, Brendon is there as well offering a sentimental smile. 

"I, I just don't ever want t-to lose him..." I say into thin air "I need him." 

"And he needs you too, we need each other." Ryan preaches, pushing me into the doorway "Cmon."

"Right, o-ok right." I sniffle, gathering myself and composing my worries. I'm not sure what I'm so worried about. Rejection probably, losing the one thing that's holding me up.

I let out a strangled sob with my hand on the knob and twist it, sniffling.

I knew what this meant. Fuck, those meds really dissolve fast cause I just went from pissed out of my mind to crying on Ryan's shoulder.

As I open the chipping wooden door, we are immediately hit with the all too familiar smell of antiseptic and clean sheets. The only way to describe it would be too clean for comfort. But then again a lived in hospital is far from inviting. 

"Awww." I hear Ryan gush behind me. Tyler was sitting up in the far bed, but he was far from awake. His head lay limp on his neck, his mouth wide open in an o shape, and a book on his lap. He hadnt gotten very far in it anyways. He had brought it from the hospital, and upon closer inspection it was a paperback book with a solemn cover called 'All My Sons'. 

I carefully reached over and picked it up, dog earring the page before setting it down on the nightstand. The window above him was open, the wind sending the curtains flying around slowly I watched him stir when I sighed and his eyes fluttered at my breathing. After a moment he opened them, and when our eyes met his were twinkling and he shot me an intoxicated grin.

"I was pretending to be asleep." He says and my eyes widen. He motions for me to come closer and I Wave Ryan and Brendon away. They leave the room and I sigh . 

His lips tickle my ear as he leans forward. "I heard everything." He whispers. I manage a smile, and can feel the drying tears littering my cheeks. 

"Don't cry sweetie." He jokes, rubbing my cheeks with his slightly calloused thumbs.

I stay silent, and sink to my knees beside his bed. 

"C'mon man, you're acting like I'm dying," the bags under his eyes lower and his smile gets bigger. "Hon I'm alive." He jokes again, taking my face in his palms "as much as I like seeing you on them, get off your knees." I chuckle, and stand up, sitting beside him.

"You know," I start "they said you'd be pissed when you woke up." 

"Well I'm far from it." He smiles, and starts rubbing his arm vigorously but keeping his eyes on me. 

"Stop." I say, taking his and away from his wrist.

"It didn't bleed...." he says slowly "I couldn't bring myself to make it bleed...it's really only a scratch." He was right, I thought looking down, but the scratch was deep enough for it to sting and to have dried dots of blood in the middle. 

"I know..." I sigh, looking at his face. He looked tired, his hair was fluffier than usual and he had bathed. I don't know where, but he had. His face was smooth, he had shaved, and he was shirtless. I didn't blame him, it was stuffy in here. 

"I like your shirt." I say, leaning down, stroking his chest with his own hand I was still holding. 

"I like yours..." he whispers, eyes locked on mine. I hadn't put on anything after leaving the beach and my skin was still warm and sandy. 

I huff "I should shower later, what a shame you already did." He smirks and fidgets in the bed. 

"I wanna go outside. I wanna go hike like we discussed." He whines, trying to push me off. 

"I know," I say sadly, I didn't want to disappoint him. I heard talking outside "guys you can come back in!" I yell and Ryan's face appears in the window above Ty's bed 

"We may or may not have been eavesdropping." He giggles and I roll my eyes 

"Not surprised." I mumble as they walk in. 

"Can't deny juicy gossip." Tyler laughs along 

"So, the argument at hand." I say to Ryan "he wants to get out of bed." Ty makes puppy eyes

"And? Why can't he?" Ryan Questions.

"Because," I say annoyed he's not taking my side "he needs rest and shit." 

He rolls his eyes "he doesn't need shit, he's fine, his blood sugar was just a little low." He says, looking at Tyler's file on the nightstand.

"Hey!" Tyler yells, grabbing it out of Ryan's hand "Don't look at that!" Ryan's steps back, surprised at his outburst. 

"Ok, I won't... sorry." Tyler nods and looks back at me 

"Please Josh?" He whimpers and paws at my chest 

"Ty...." I start and Brendon cuts in

"Josh he's fine, if he passes out again it'll be my fault and I'll tell Sarah it is." I sigh. I wasn't going to get my way. 

"Fine. But if you feel bad in any way, we are coming right back here. Got it?" I ask with a stern tone and an eyebrow raised expectantly.

"Yes sir!" He yells happily and jumps out of the bed, tugging on a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt that says "Worthington Warriors" with an Indian or something on the front. I'm more focused on his muscles protruding as he pulls it on and I blush looking away.

"Josh quit staring at him like a schoolgirl." Brendon sneers jokingly and I feel my face heat up. What the fuck I literally just took HIS persciption pills for him and now he's being a dick. Tyler glances at me with a knowing look and raised eyebrows, a small cocky grin pulling at his cheeks. Thanks Brendon, now he thinks he's all that and a bag of fuckin chips. 

"You can stare at me later Josh, let's go." He says, pulling the shirt down. I'm burning now, anger and humiliation bubbling.

"Yeah let's leave before Josh comes in his pants." I hear Brendon snicker behind me. No he fucking did not. I turn around in a flash, trying to grab his shirt, his throat, whatever. I go to tackle him, and he jumps out of the way and runs out the door shrieking. Oh look, another fucking mood swing from the king himself. I chase him outside as he frantically sprints away, screaming bloody murder. My feet carry me faster than expected, and by the time he's at the bottom of the hill, I'm already at his heels.

"BRENDON!" I hear Ryan yell and Brendon cowers at the anger in his voice. He gets to a dead end and climbs a tree. How cute. 

"Brendon Boyd I swear to god!" Ryan scolds with Tyler behind him coming down the hill. 

Brendon sits on a branch about four feet above me. His legs swing over the sides and I jump up trying to grab them.

"Take it back you little!" I scream like a lunatic, and Tyler is shaking with laughter.

"Calm down!" He yells back, face pale and flushed. 

"If you don't come down right now you aren't going to like what happens!" Ryan sounds like a mom and I'm honestly about to laugh myself. 

Brendon's face drops "what will happen?" 

"More like what WONT happen." He says and Brendon's eyes widen. 

"No no nooooo, ok I'll come down....hold Josh off though." He calls down 

"Oh no I'm not gonna hurt you Brenny, I'd never do that!" I say, opening my mouth and pointing in it. He immediately goes pale. if Ryan knew, well, that'd be the end of him.i turn around and see Tyler watching me intently, flickering his eyes between Brendon and me. But he wouldn't know, he wasn't there. 

"Chill dude, cmon lets go wake up the rest of the guys." Tyler pulls at my shoulder and I follow, looking over my shoulder to flash a menacing smile at Brendon that reads nothing less than "see you later." I had the little bitch wrapped around my finger for as long as I wanted, I just wondered how long he could go without his meds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's excited for the heavy dirty soul music vid?!?! I'm so fuckin ready


	18. Forced Apologies and Bug Spray

(Josh's POV)

As we strode down the dunes to the beach, I heard Ryan scolding Brendon in the distance. I smirked at how his face might look right about now and Tyler looked over at me that very moment.

"What're you smiling about Dun?" Tyler chuckled, punching my shoulder.

"Oh nothing." I sang in response, sarcastically rubbing my shoulder with a pained face.

"Drama queen." He huffed, rolling his mocha brown eyes 

"Whatever." I sigh, reaching down into my bag to pull out a shirt. Grey fabric tickles my nose as I pull the gray NASA shirt over my face. In the sun the fabric is slightly see-through and I can see Tyler looking at my abs. I smile as his eyes wander over my body.

"Enjoying the view?" I ask, startling him and his eyes flicker back up. 

"I-I wasn't...yeah." He purses his lips and a his lips pull at his cheeks. 

He bends down to pick up a can of Arizona Iced Tea from my bag and takes a sip without so much as a glance at me. I roll my eyes.

"Sure you can have a sip." I say sarcastically and he swallows. 

"Oh I know..." he winks.

I sigh and get a hat out of my bag before cramming it on backwards, my electric yellow curls tangling under it as it shifts. 

"That's my favorite shirt of yours ya know?" He asks and I nod. 

"Well you do look at me like I'm a pornstar when I wear it so yeah, I noticed." His face turns beet red and he almost drops the can. 

"O-oh well I-I don't recall that..." he stutters and I laugh. 

"I-I-...ACHOO!" I sneeze, holding my nose with a pained face. "Ow ow ow!" 

"Josh how many times have I told you to take out your nose ring when your allergies act up!" Tyler scolds with a smile on his face. 

"I, hadn't really thought about it." I say, "it's been so busy here that I hadn't really paid attention to myself lately. I've been more focused on others."

He rolls his eyes "your too compassionate for your own good Jish." 

(Tyler's POV) 

He blushes at my compliment. It's true, he really is the nicest person I've ever met no doubt. And the fact that he's been so focused on others he never even realized that his allergies were arriving in time with the new weather. I frankly fund it cute when his nose ring interrupts his sneeze. 

"Are we gonna wake the rest of 'em up?" He asks, straightening his hat. 

"Sure, maybe they'll disctract you from murdering Brendon." I chuckle and he steps forward suddenly, wrapping his arms around me.

"Not my fault you looked so damn delicious." He purrs, face dangerously close to mine. 

"As delicious as a nice cigarette?" I ask and he scrunched his face.

"Ew gross." He says in response. I knew he was lying. I look into his eyes and sigh. In normal, indoor lighting his eyes were dark and inky, but once the sun hit them they were almost gold, or light brown silk. Sometimes they were even green or a dark speckled blue. They changed daily, sometimes it depended on what he was wearing and sometimes they just changed randomly. It's the magical mystery of hazel eyes. Mine were always the same dark brown, always have been boring and dull but there has to be something special about them because he's always staring at them. 

"What?" He inquired 

"Hm?" I ask 

"What's so interesting?" He asked, eyes flickering down to my lips.

"Noth-" before I could finish he connects our mouths and we're kissing. It's not gentle like it usually is. Nor is it rough and demanding. It's...full, and passionate if I had to describe it. After a few minutes I hear Ryan and Brendon coming closer so I pull back.

"What was that?" I A's and his face goes from drunkenly happy to worried in seconds.

"Whatyda mean? Did you not like it?" He asks frantically, searching my face for disappointment. 

"No, no, it was just so...full of love." I say sounding like a dipshit. 

"Well that's because I love you." His answer is so pure, so innocent, and so obviously true. I cup his cheek and kiss him the same way. 

"Love you too." 

"ACK! Gross!" I hear Brendon gag behind me and I roll my eyes 

"Watch yourself Urie, or you'll be coughing up lake water." Josh warns and Ryan laughs and shoves him forward. Brendon wrings his hands, turning back with a pleading look and Ryan only shakes his head. He scowls looking like a five year old whose mom wouldnt buy him candy. 

"Josh," he frowns "I'm sorry for being rude and making fun of you." I look at Josh and he's trying to hide a smile but fails.

"I accept your apology." He mumbles, ruffling Brendon's hair and grinning when Brendon huffs 

"Whatever." Brendon scoffs, fixing the fringe over his forehead.

"Quiet Emo child." Ryan preaches, "quiet yourself and let God embrace you." He touches Brendon's shoulder and he jerks back.

"Fuck that." Ryan fakes a gasp. Then, he walks over to step on Patrick's back. His sandy feet hit between his shoulder blades and Patrick stirs.

"What the-?' Pat asks quietly, raising his head off the towel looking around.

"Dude it's 3:15, cmon we are going on a hike." Ryan grumbles, walking over and kicking Pete slightly as he laid on my back. Pete grumbles in response and starts to get up. 

"Oh hey Ty, feeling better?" I smile and nod.

"Ok, wake up the others, I'm putting on my bug spray." He says, rolling off the towel and getting to his feet slowly. We were all starting to get a little color, much needed I might add. 

Once the rest of the team was up and ready to go, we checked for all the necessities. Bug spray, hats, water, and a map were all essential for the plan. Only then would we be ready to enter the wild.

As we approach the opening of the woods, I breathe in the crisp air and the wintergreen smell of the trees clears my sinuses and I close my eyes, looking up into the canopy and watch the squirrels hop from branch to branch, and the birds sitting in their nests.

"Nine boys, one woods, only one will Come out alive." Pete says darkly as we enter the woods. 

"Dude what the fuck?" Josh yells, stepping over a tree root. 

"I'm kidding," he laughs "not really."

"Oh please," I yawn, stepping forward "everything is fi- OH MY GOD!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My alarm clock literally fell on the ground and won't change colors anymore like what did I do to deserve this? It was the Frerard smut wasn't it...):


	19. Discoveries and Arguments

(Ryan's POV) 

"OH MY GOD!" I hear Tyler scream and goosebumps cover my entire body in seconds

"WHA-" I start before looking in the direction he was. 

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." I mumble, my eyes widening at the sight.

"Holy shit." Brendon breathes beside me. 

"OH MY- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-LEAVE!" Gerard yells at us, his face going from white to red as if a dial had been turned. 

"HAHAHAHAHAH!" The boy next to him shrieks in laughter as he yanks up his pants, his black fringe swiping over his features. He covers his mouth with his tattooed hands to stifle his laughter. 

"FRANK?" He yells, obviously shocked. "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING?!" 

"Cause it's funny." He giggles, pulling Gerard up from his knees to his feet. I stand shocked, my mouth hangs open in shock. Brendon is shaking with laughter beside me and the rest of them are silent in pure horror. 

"Ok well umm I think we are just gonna go...." I say, turning on my heel and ushering the others away. 

"Ross." I hear behind me and I turn around. Gerard is standing rubbing the back of his neck shaking slightly.

"Yes?" I hide a smirk and nod.

"Please, don't tell anyone about this...incident." He pleads.

"Everyone I'd tell already saw." I joke and he sighs

"Frank I fucking told you no!" He yells in his boyfriends face, wiping the smirk off it. 

"Sorry Gee, I-it was fun cmon." His boyfriend sighs, running a hand through his hair. 

"Yeah getting caught blowing you in the woods was really fucking fun." Frank snorts, and Gerard grabs his throat. "Something funny Frankie?" 

"N-no." He tasks and I start to back away. 

"Where do you think you're going Ross?" I hear him snarl, his teeth gritted

"I was just...going." I say, fear rising in my voice. His tone was cold. 

"Going where?" His eyes are hooded and dangerous, and I really don't like it. 

My voice trembles "Bren?" Its barely a shout, more of a whimper.

"Bren?" Gerard mocks me.

"Gee chill, it's fine you need to calm down." Frank puts his hands on Gerard's chest and pushes him away slowly. 

"Bren!" I yelp as Gerard pushes me into a tree trunk. 

"BRENDON JOSH TYLER PETE PATRICK HELP!" I scream out into the woods and Gerard puts his hand over my mouth.

"Shut the fuck up you aren't ruining this." He growls and shoves me. Frank stomps over and grabs his shoulders. 

"Jersey." He says and Gerard's eyes grow blurry in my vision.

"Oh my god." He murmurs, and pulls his hand away from my face and brings it to his mouth. "Oh my god what have I done?" 

"BRENDON!" I shriek again, how far have they gotten in the pats five minutes? 

"Ry?" I hear someone call in the distance. "Ryro?" 

"HELP!" I scream and Frank comes forward 

"Shhh Ryan shhhh, calm down...you're ok you're fine." His voice is deep and soothing, his bright golden eyes glittering. "You are fine, he had an episode, you are fine." 

I take a shaky breath and hear footsteps rapidly approaching. 

"RYAN? Where the fuck did you-" 

"Oh my god," I gasp, lunging towards Brendon "I was so scared." He tenses, and holds me to him, pushing my head onto his chest with gentle force. 

"What the fuck did you do to him!?" Brendon yells at Gerard, and I watch as he sinks down into a ball on the forest floor.

"I-Im so sorry." He cries, burying his face in his knees. "I don't know what came over me." 

"Well did you think about the consequences of assulting my boyfriend?" Brendon asks angrily, and Gerard cowers, Frank standing by quietly 

"Brendon, I-I don't what to say..." he mumbles "I can't tell you how sorry I am." I take pity on him, unwrapping myself from Brendon and crouching down next to him.

"We accept your apology Gee." I try out the pet name, and he sniffles with a small smile.

"You do?" His eyes are droopy and his nose is running.

"Of course." I take his hand and squeeze it. 

"Thank you." He cries, and I help him to his feet. 

"It's all ok Gerard, let's not talk about this anymore...we'll talk later if you want, on the beach." I offer up the idea, worries creeping in my mind and lingering after an hour. 

 

(Tyler's POV) 

"So let me get this straight, Gerard attacked you after we caught him blowing off Frank and now he wants to talk with you tonight?" I ask and he nods.

"Sounds sketchy." Joe says and Pete nods 

"I second that, it's sketchy." 

"No, he's a good person, you guys don't even know him." I retort, and Ryan looks at me with knowing eyes. We were sitting deep in the woods, on a couple of fallen trees. Ryan was sitting in the dirt however, hugging his knees and Brendon was sitting above him rubbing his shoulders. He had just told us what had happened after we left and an incoming argument was hanging in the air 

"Oh we know him," Brendon sneers "I knew him quite well when he almost RAPED me." I scowl at him

"He's not who you think!" I yell at him trembling, "he's not ok and you told me yourself on my first day that WE DONT JUDGE OTHERS BECAUSE WE ARE ALL FUCKING INSANE!" 

"Tyler..." Ryan gets up

"NO! YOU ARE ALL HYPOCRITES!!!" I scream, having a completely unneeded tantrum.

"TYLER ROBERT JOSEPH! Ryan yells "you do NOT speak like that to us. We are here for you." He comes over and slaps me, then cradles my head as I sob into his chest. My cheeks sting, and small tears run down my cheeks leaving salty glimmering trails.

"He's a good person, you need to trust me." I whisper.

"Ok Ty, we take your word for it. I think we all need to have a discussion tonight. All of us." I nod slowly and Brendon sighs.

"This isn't going to work." He argues but Ryan shushes him. 

"But we have to try?" it sounded more like a question than a solid statement. 

"Do I have to go?" Pete asks and I raise an eyebrow

"Yes Pete," Ryan sighs "What makes you think you don't have to?"

He hesitates. "Um...That Mikey kid...Gerard's brother, he has a huge crush on me." 

"Oh?" Patrick inquires with an edge in his voice. 

"Yeah...I know its stupid but I swear to god I'm serious. If you don't believe me, just look at the way he stares at me." I snicker at this, my worries kept at bay by this stupid drama.

"ok sure Pete will be on the look out. God forbid a cute guy with a jawline that could cut steel is into you." Brendon mutters, earning a glare from Patrick.

"Not that i'm complaining," Pete says in defense, earning a punch from hiss boyfriend "Ow...its just kinda weird." 

"Yeah well i don't care so you are coming. And Trick, don't murder him." Ryan says with a laugh.

Patrick lowers his eyes "Can't promise that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up my doods? I don't rly know where I'm goin with this but I hope you are liking it so far! <3


	20. Spilled Tears and help From "Friends"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is saaaaaad. But I hope ya'll like it!

(Gerard's POV)

Night was coming far too soon. I wasn't ready to talk with them...with ALL of them! I know I've done some terrible things in the past but I know I'm not like that anymore. It was a rough patch. It wasn't my fault...the drugs...the fights...getting kicked out of school...I know it might seem like it's all my fault but really, I was with the wrong crowd and they deserved what they got. But I don't deserve what I got in return. A mental hospital? are you kidding me? In return for all of THEIR mistakes I got locked up in a fucking psych ward. 

I mean, it wasn't all that bad I guess. I met Frank and the other guys, and now I'm friends with Tyler but sometimes I still have these spells...I don't really know how to explain it but they're so painful, so horrible, they give me nightmares.No, they're worse than nightmares, they're these terrors, and I see things I don't want to, I remember things I'd rather not. Sometimes I lash out, and I'm not going to apologize for it. They did this to me and now I'm stuck here. With white slashes fading on my flesh, cuts on my eyebrows where hair won't grow anymore, and a permanent pain every time I close my left eye. But again, its not my fault, I'm OK, I promise. 

"Dude, are you ok?" I drift back to Earth. Frank is sitting on a fallen tree trunk a few feet in front of me.

"I-I'm OK...I promise." I say, forcing a smile. 

"trust me....that's bullshit." He mimics my usual excuse. Its always either "i'm OK" or "I'm fine" or "don't worry about it."

"Frank." I say sternly

"WHAT?" He yells and I almost fall back from where I've recently stood up 

"WHAT GERARD? ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME TO NOT WORRY OR THAT YOUR FINE? BECAUSE I KNOW YOUR NOT!" This time I do fall back, right onto the mossy forest floor. 

"I-I..." I stutter, slightly shaking. I look up and him from where he's jumped up. His teeth are bared and his hair is a mess all over his face. I feel my face crumple and in shame and fear I start to cry.

"Oh god..." He whispers pacing back and forth "I'm sorry I blew up its just I hate it when you act so reserved. It makes me feel like I can't help you." He murmurs, looking down.

I stay silent and feel a small tear drop roll down my face. 

"Gee...I'm so so sorry baby." He knows it's not my fault. He's not an adult, he doesn't know how to handle me. I don't blame him for this but i don't look up. 

"Gerard." He commands and my head snaps up as soon as the word leaves his mouth. I curse internally, I'm so fucking pathetic. 

"Yes." I mumble and he strides over to where I'm currently curled up. His palm slightly strokes my cheek before tipping my chin up so that we are looking each other in the eye.

"I love you." he says it softly, but his eyes are still dark. I scoot back in fear and he looks so, so hurt.

"Gee..." He whispers, taking a step back. I breathe in. 

"Gee I'm sorry..." He falls to the ground and wraps his arms around his knees and rocks slowly.

"I'm so so so... s-" He burst into tears, a sobbing, uncontrollable mess. 

"Frank..." I whisper and he stops crying and lifts his head. When Frank cries he does this thing...Its hard to explain but I heard it's called blotching or something. He doesn't breathe enough while he's crying and his face turns red, white splotches covering his entire face. it's horrible to look and, and even more horrible to know you caused it.

His nose starts to run "Gerard." He whispers back with a breathy tone. 

"I-I can't do this anymore." It's so much quieter than a whisper but he hears it and visibly tenses.

"What?" I don't hear the words, I only watch him say it. 

White noise engulfs me and I lean back, swaying without realizing it. I can't feel my body moving, but I know I am because my vision is spotting and I can't make out his face anymore.

"Gee?!" He wails, getting up up and grabbing me in his arms, cradling me on the forest floor.

"G-" 

Back when I first came to St. Rafael's, I was far worse than I am now. I got in fights daily, mostly with the Wentz kid Mikey talks about and Brendon Urie. I gotta say, those two are sticklers for a fights and can surely handle one. Besides the point, after a fight I was usually beaten bad. Don't blame them, I always started it, but they finished it. When I was hurt or blacking out, whether it was a fight or not, I always tried to focus on Frank's lip ring. I don't know why, but it game me something to focus on while being operated on,or trying not to pass out during an episode, and during shots. 

But this time I couldn't see it. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't even see the glimmer of the silver in the light.

(Franks POV) 

"Gee?!" I rushed over with tears flooding my sight. I took him in my arms, dragging him into my lap and started swaying, to try and calm him down.

"Gee?" I slapped his cheek lightly. No movement. His chest was rising heavily, and his breathing was labored. His eyes went to my lips and then I knew he was about to pass out. He does that every time he almost passes out. he just stares at my lips. 

"Fucking shit." I groan. He's too big to carry (No offense but I'm literally 5'6 and he's huge compared to me)

I step back. How the actual fuck am I supposed to do this? I can't leave him here, he'll get eaten by wolves or some shit.

"SOMEONE HELP!" I yell out into the never ending forest. We had gone deep..what had this innocent fun led to?

"SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!" I borderline shriek. 

"HELLO?" I hear a voice in the distance and I run towards it but not too far.

"OVER HERE PLEASE QUICK!" The footsteps come closer, and there's more than one body coming towards me. 

"WHAT HAPPENED?" The Wentz kid yells, running over to Gerard and feeling his neck. 

"w-we were talking ad he just like, f-fell over." I stutter in shock. 

"Oh my god." there's a really tall kid behind me and I jump at the sight of him. He's gotta be at least 6'3. 

"Help me carry him Dal, quick." Pete commands and I watch as they easily pick up his limp body and start walking the path.

"Thank you so much! I really apprentice this!" I gush.

"No problem, a couple black eyes and a broken rib won't stop me from helping." Pete mumbles "Son of a bitch." 

I ignore his hurtful comment. he had every right to insult Gerard, but it still stung. 

"He's sorry you know, about it all." i remark as I follow them to the clearing of the woods.

"Yeah i know, I just haven't heard it from him." He replies and I nod. the minute we come out of the woods Sarah comes rushing out of her cabin and starts yelling at Breezy. 

"Go set up the shit B!" She screams at her, running up to us.

"Ok I need to know what happened, and how long ago." She says it quickly and with ease.

Her and I walk alongside Pete and Dallon as we approach what I'm guessing is the infirmary. 

"We were talking about stuff and then i kinda yelled and made him cry then he said some weird things then just closed his eyes." I say beginning to cry myself.

"Oh thank god, I thought it was a fight." She sighs "Why did you yell?" I crinkle my face 

"He was being all....withdrawn. Not telling me what was wrong." I sigh and she furrows her brows and says nothing.

"Ok, ok. I think he'll be fine, but we'll check him out anyway." 

A wave of relief washes over me. "Oh thank god.. thank you guys..." I say to Pete and Dallon and they just smile

"No problem." they say in unison "Jinx!" Pete yells 

"Shut up, C'mon." Dallon says, dragging him out the door after they had put Gerard on a bed.

"Oh, he's fine Frank...but just let him sleep." Sarah says with relief on her face too. "When he wakes up ask him if he took his meds and if not give him these." She puts some pills on a table.

 

"Oh...ok." I say sitting down next to him. After she leaves I rush over to the cabinets and frantically search through the plastic orange and clear bottles until i find one labeled 'F.I'  
I pop open the cap and spill a pile on my palm, twisting the cap back on and throwing the capsules in my mouth before slamming the cabinet door and turning on the sink, running my face under it, letting the water flow into my mouth sideways. I stand up and through my head rush, walk over to the armchair next to Gerard's bed, going to hold his hand before stopping, and putting it in my lap.

"I can't do this anymore."


	21. Songs  and Realizations

(Franks POV)

"If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep." 

I open my eyes.

"Never let them take the light behind your eyes." Gerard is singing. He never sings for me. Then I realize I wasn't there for when he woke up. I try to stand up so I can be by his bed until I realize I'm lying down. In a bed. And it's dark out. How long have I been asleep?

I gasp, and shoot upright, whipping my head around. He's next to me in the same bed

"I'll fail and lose this fight..." he hums and looks up when he realizes I'm not snoring anymore.

"Oh good morning." He says, eyes looking me up and down, a faint blush littering his cheeks.

"Morning?" I ask, reaching over to pick up the alarm clock. It's fucking 3:30 am.

"Yeah, morning." He chuckles.

"But it was afternoon literally five minutes ago." I know I'm talking nonsense because he looks confused as all hell.

He puts down his pencil "Oh Frankie, you don't remember?" His eyes are big and filled with worry. 

"no....what?" I ask, worry bubbling up inside me like a volcano. I'm assuming the worst and I fear that might be the reality. Why else would I be in a fucking hospital bed?

"Oh Frankie..." He whispers and I feel the blood drain from my face. I touch my mouth and whimper.

"No no don't do that." He gets out of the bed, pushing the white sheets aside and grabs my face.

"You're Ok now, it wasn't too bad." He climbs in the bed with me and I look at him with confusion clearly painted on my face. Um, why was he getting in bed with me after what he said?

" Yesterday I wasn't talking about US Frank..." He sighs "I was talking about the treatment, that i can't do it anymore but it's obvious that I still need it." I remember what he said in the woods and it all makes sense now.

"You weren't?" I ask with wide eyes and he chuckles 

"of course not. what made you think that sweetie?" he kisses my forehead and melt into him. A migraine tingling in the back of my skull, a warning like the way it smells before a bad storm.

"I'm not sure." I lie. I knew I had scared him that afternoon. He was terrified, you could see it in his eyes when I yelled and stalked over to him trembling on the ground. 

"What happened." I ask quietly and he lets out a short shaky breath.

"You...Um...I don't know how to say this." he rubs the backs of his neck and gets out of the bed. 

"I was asleep, I'm perfectly fine by the way don't worry, and you kinda um..." He opens a cabinet and gets out a pill bottle. What is he doing? He comes closer with a pained and sorrowful face. 

"Frankie this was supposed you last you nine weeks....you took them all." My lips part and I look up at him. he sets the empty container on my beside table and sits in the bed with me, getting under the covers. 

"I don't know what happened after that, but Sarah told me it wasn't pretty...it really wasn't." He closes his eyes and exhales. I sit in silent shock. that wasn't supposed to happen. I only took a few, I didn't take them all. I reach over and take the pill bottle. It was indeed mine, 'F.I' 

"Oh." My voice is quiet and small and Gerard takes the bottle from me and throws it across the room in anger. 

"This wasn't supposed to happen." He whispers. 

"I'm fine," I argue going to get out of the bed but a blistering pain in my chest forces me back down onto the pillow

"You're ok, they took care of you...you'll be fine...I-I promise." His voice breaks at the end. I try to shift over, but there's an even worse pain in my chest that I didn't feel before.

"Ow ow ow what the fuck?" I whimper, going to pull up my shirt.

"No no no I don't think you'll wanna see that." He slurs, pushing my hands back down.

"Gerard WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?" I yell in frightened shock. This wasn't real, I was going to wake up in the cabin any minute now.

"You O'D Frank!" He yells in my face. This has too be a fucking dream it has to. 

"N-no I didn't..." I mumble, looking down at my palms. I'm so fucking confused. 

"Frank...I wake up and you're in the bed next to me almost b-blue." He wrings his hands "I d-don't know what I would've done if you hadn't woken up." 

This hits me hard. I hadn't even thought about that. I just wanted to feel better, to relieve the stress. 

"I...I" I feel old tears making their way back into my eyes.

"shhh it's ok you're ok." He cradles my head softly. This just makes me want to cry even more. I didn't want this, I really didn't want the searing migraine or whatever's on my chest right now.

"What's on my chest?" I ask with big eyes and he sighs slowly. "I wasn't there to see it...but Sarah said that you wouldn't wake up, and that you were foaming at the mouth and they had to..." He trails off and I sit up, tugging off my shirt as fast as I possibly could. I look down and screamed. but that's not what came out. It was just a muted holler, turned to a low and defeated whimper. My chest had two very large and very red rectangular marks on top of my pectoral muscles. I covered my mouth with my hand and screamed once again, my eyes wide and full of shock. 

"Oh my god." I whisper, touching the raw skin gingerly. it stings like hell, as if my finger was a torch burning the skin off.

"It looks better than how it did earlier." I hear Gerard whisper behind me. I do NOT wanna know how it looked before.

"What am I supposed to do?" I gasp, whipping my head away from my own scarred flesh.

"Sarah told me to keep you here, and you aren't allowed to take of your shirt until she bandages you." I roll my eyes, this was fucking ridiculous. 

"This is bullshit." I huff, crossing my arms then yelping at the contact.

"Yeah I know it sucks, I'm gonna leave...I-I'm fine so I'll go tell the others what happened and I'll tell Sarah you're awake." 

"Ok." I mumble, this was absolute bullshit. I'm fine...I'm sitting here alive so I mine as well just go outside. 

"I'm gonna go...ok?" He asks and I nod, staring straight ahead and after a minute I hear the door click. 

(Tyler's POV) 

It was the morning after the whole thing with Gerard. Everyone was a bit shaken up by his episode especially Ryan. you could tell by how he flinched when someone came towards him and how quiet he was being. We had been talking about the rest of the week when we heard screaming coming from deeper in the forest. Pete and Dallon sprinted away right at the noise but I hadn't moved. I stayed perfectly still because screaming in a forest in usually not a good sign. The rest of us stayed in the shade of the trees, listening and waiting for a sign of struggle. After about five minutes Pete, Dallon, Gerard, and Frank walked towards us and we followed them out of the forest without a sound. When we got out, we all separated and went our ways. Patrick, Josh and I went down to the beach, and Brendon and Ryan went back to the cabin. I remember watching Josh's eyes follow Brendon carefully, and I could practically see his brain working in his head. That night we hung around in our cabin before going to bed early. We didn't really want to continue that day, and I'm sure Ryan just wanted it to be over.

"What's up?" I asked Josh lightly, flashing him a toothy smile. We were all eating breakfast in our cabin this morning. We didn't really feel like going out.

"Nothin much. Gerard passed out in the woods yesterday and Ryan is still scared straight but other than that it's been relatively boring." He jokes and I chuckle.

"You have poptart jelly on your shirt." He smiles and I look down. 

"No I do-" He flicks my chin up and steals a kiss.

"Smooth slim..." I roll my eyes.

"But Slim, what if you win, would it be weird?" He quotes Eminem with a raise eyebrow and a goofy expression.

"You're too much...I'm so bored." I yawn stretching my arms.

"I wish they had Mario Kart here..." he sighs. they had a Nintendo 64 at the hospital, but I doubted they had one here. 

"yeah that'd be sick..." I mumble

"As frick." He winks

"Could you two STOP?" Brendon grumbles and I giggle, shoving Josh back under the bunk. I sit back against the wall and watch him look around the room. He stands up and grabs that little book he's always drawing in and starts to scratch the graphite against the page. I lower my eyes at him as he tries to continue, but gets distracted every forty five seconds or so. He stops, looks around, and rubs his fingertips together. I snap my fingers.

"Josh." He hesitates before turning to face me, using his one hand to casually hold the other down. I squint at him "Never mind." 

"Ok." he mumbles quickly, bringing his hands back to the notebook. Usually he would ask me what, or if I'm OK. 

"Josh..." I mumble, pawing at his chest. "Is there something you aren't telling me?" his face softens.

"Of course not hon." He smiles, looking over the book. He's spinning the pencil and weaving it in and out of his fingertips. He watches my gaze wander and he tucks it back behind the book. I sigh dramatically.

"Fine then. I'm going for a walk." I rise off the bed and his eyes follow me. i walk over to Ryan's bunk and stick my head under this bunk. 

"Hey." I say sweetly and he looks up from his journal. 

"Hi." 

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" He raises an eyebrow "Not in the woods though, like, on the beach." 

"yeah sure...I guess, sure." He snaps the little leather book shut and stuffs it under the mattress. Weird but relate able.

I flick the back of Josh's head before leaving the room with Ryan at my heels. 

"Bye guys we are going for a walk." I announce to the room and and greeted with a chorus of grunts 

"K." Pete mumbles 

"Whatever." Patrick sighs

"Nice to know everyone cares." I say dramatically before swinging the door open and stepping outside. 

"Ack!" I yell, jumping back into the room. 

"What?" Ryan yells in surprise

I open the door again and reach my hand out. I feel droplets of water fill my palm at a steady and rapid rate.

"Its raining." i say quietly and Josh chuckles

"You literally just screamed because its raining." he giggles and I shake the water out of my hair.

"It's pouring actually, how did we not hear that?" 

"It must've just started." Patrick adds

"aww man..." Pete grumbles climbing back under the covers "What are we gonna do know?" 

Brendon's eyebrow raises "How about would you rather?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS!!! first night of tour and i'm already crying watching live streams form the DD center...7 more dayz oh boi


	22. Would You Rather and Mikey Way

(Josh's POV) 

"Brendon you're always trying to get us to fight." I laugh, leaning back in the rocking chairs we had at the far end of the room. I hadn't realized how rich this place was. They had small fireplaces in every cabin and they weren't cheap. These were the nice kind of cabin with polished wooden floors and sturdy twin sized bunk beds. There were large four pane windows on each wall letting light spill in when the weather was nice. I sat in a rocking chair along with Patrick and Ryan. The others sat on the surrounding buns so we were in a large half circle. We had tried to make a fire and received a pitiful flame in response. Pitiful, but still a fire. It was about 10 o'clock now and the rain had gotten even stronger if that was possible. We only had one lamp to illuminate the room, so the weak fire also provided some light. 

"That's not true." He says with a sarcastic smile "I would HATE to see that happen." he emphasized the word hate dramatically, rolling his eyes. 

"Ok," He says clapping his hands once "Let's get started, any volunteers?" 

"Hold on," Tyler says quietly "Are these supposed to be dirty or what?" I raised an eyebrow in amusement and he caught my gaze with a mischievous smile. Oh I see Tyler....

"Whatever you want, we should start with some mild one's though." Brendon says to everyone's suprise

"Really, starting with mild? Wow, the daredevil has requited his ways." Patrick says shaking his head in disappointment. 

"Sorry but I don't want to run around naked in the pouring rain." He jokes earning a chorus of laughter "Now let's start you pansies." 

"I'll go," Tyler says, staring at me "Would you rather be deaf or blind?" This one is really hard and I don't really think I can answer it so I try to look at it a different way.

"The real question is would I rather be hearing you scream my name or watching my dick pound in your ass." I pretend to think for a minute "I'd rather be blind then deaf." 

The entire group stares at me after the dirty words that just came out of my mouth. their faces are all slowly turning red except Tyler's.

"Well considering neither of those things have happened yet I'm surprised you could even answer that." He winks and now I'm blushing. He's still holding off becuase of the cigarettes. Trust me, I've tried but no luck.

"Wait, who ever said I'm a bottom?" He laughs in my face and it feels like my head is on fire

"I-I um...just assumed..." I trail off and he nods slowly

"Don't assume." he says darkly with a naughty smirk

"Umm...Alright then who's next?" Dallon clears his throat. No one answers "Fine, Pete...would you rather pay for it or be paid for it." Pete's head snaps up at this and he laughs

"I'd rather be paid for it..." Patrick shoots him a warning look 

"Don't you dare run off to be a hooker Peter Lewis." Pete just laughs and runs his hand through his hair.

"Well it looks like it's getting dirty so now it's my turn to jump in." Brendon winks "I just wanted you dirty fucks to say something first." we all roll our eyes, of course he did.

"Josh." Our eyes lock, "Would you rather bring someone else into your bed or cheat on Tyler." This one is easy 

"If Tyler was into it I'd have someone join us." I say simply, turning to Tyler for a reaction and he just looks at me with big eyes and stiff body language 

"Oh well...depends on who it is." He says quietly. 

"OH MA GOD!" Brendon laughs, almost falling off the bunk bed "Me too Ty honestly." 

Ryan rolls his eyes with a smile on his face. My foot starts tapping on the wooden floor, and my eyes start to dart around the room. This better not fucking happen in front of everyone. The last thing we need is two hyperactive 18 year old boys stuck inside. I try to make eye contact with Brendon, trying to ask him a question with my eyes. 

"Brendon." I say looking at him "Would you rather tell a secret to all of us or tell one to me alone." He thinks for a minute, receiving my expression then understanding it.

"Oh! You!" He says with enthusiasm and i grab his arm and drag him to the other end of the room, on top of a bunk. 

"What do you want?" He asks in a hurried whisper 

"What the fuck is happening to me" I ask in a scared voice 

"Ok so this happened a couple years ago at a friends sleepover. They were teasing me and took my pills being the douches they were but eventually they started having symptoms of ADHD." My mouth hangs open "Their mom's were SO mad." He giggles a little before seeing my face "Oh sorry." 

"Am I going to get fucking ADHD?" I whisper yell again and he shrugs to my dismay 

"I'm not sure...I mean, you're acting like you have it so I'm not sure." I swing my head back and close my eyes. Oh my god and Tyler is already catching on...if Ryan does shit will hit the fan and it'll hit hard. 

"Ok ok this isn't a big deal...I just have to focus." 

"You can't really focus if you have ADHD Josh that's kinda the main problem."

"I know Brendon!" I yell with gritted teeth. The talking at the end of the room quiets and I decide it's time to go back. 

"Are you serious dude?" I ask with a smile while walking back

"No joke I swear." he laughs along with a hint of fear in his eyes.

"Ok who's turn is it now?" Tyler asks and Ryan speaks up 

"Pete I have a good one for you." 

"Oh god." Pete groans "This isn't going to be good" 

"Would you rather punch Patrick again or go over to Mikey's cabin and profess your 'love' for him in the pouring rain?"

"OH MY GOD!" I yell laughing my ass off with the rest of the guys, even Pete is laughing.

"Wait...like sarcastically? Dude that's so mean!" He giggles, covering his eyes

"Sorry..." Ryan sings a mocking tune

"I don't know..." Pete starts before looking at an offended Patrick

"You would rather punch me?" He asks, appalled, slightly smiling

"N-no I...is it ok If I do the Mikey thing?" 

"Well it's better than punching me again." Patrick sighs 

"Oh god I don't know how I'm gonna do this..." He says and I intervene 

"Pete do you really want to break his heart?" I ask sympathetically and he shakes his head 

"I mean his brother was really sick yesterday so he might be sad about that already." Pete says sadly "Ryan do I have to?" 

"I mean if someone else offers to do it for you then that can be arranged..." Ryan says with an evil smirk. My knee starts bouncing again. Shit.

"I'll do it for you Pete." Brendon laughs standing up next to a pouting Ryan.

"Fine..." He grumbles 

(Brendon's POV) 

I knew I was in hot water with Ryan for taking Pete's dare, but I knew myself that Mikey really liked him so I didn't want to break his heart. He had never really been that bad to us and it wasn't his fault Pete was already in a relationship. 

 

"Let's get this over with..." I mumble, walking towards the door.

"What are you even going to say?" Tyler asks me 

"I'm going to profess my undying love for him." I say rolling my eyes, and opening the door. For June, it was cold, colder than it really should be, even while raining. 

"Boutta go meet my husband." I say jokingly, leaving a still pouting Ryan behind me. I was gonna be killed when he finds about my meds anyway, so why not ham this up?

I walk out the door, being immediately soaked through by the pounding rain. The others cram into the doorway and open the windows to watch and I smirk as I casually stride over to the cabin next to us. I walk over to one of the illuminated windows and peer in. The kid with the huge hair is still fuckin asleep on a bunk and Frank is nowhere to be seen. I look around for Mikey and find him sitting in one of the rocking chairs. I knew where Gerard was, he had left the hospital cabin early in the morning then had gone back for some reason. 

"Go on!" I hear Josh shout and I shoot him a dirty look.

"ok ok..." My stomach was starting to do back-flips. I really regret offering. But it was way to late for that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's rainy here so I thought, well ya know I'm sick off school today and I might as well write another chapter. J chillen waiting for Tuesday...I'm so excited I'm gonna cry


	23. Rain and Guitars

(Breadbin's POV) 

This was it. I was already outside in the rain and i wasn't about to chicken out in front of the guys. My shirt clung to my torso due to the pounding rain and I looked up into the misty grey sky and screamed. 

"MIKEY!" There was giggling from my cabin behind me and shuffling from the cabin in front of me. 

"Huh?" He stuck his head out of the window, squinting his eyes until he found me below it. "What are yo-" 

"Shh this is a prank go along with it." I whispered it quietly and he nodded suspiciously.

"Ok." He whispered back blushing a little. 

"MIKEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WILL YOU MARRY ME I WANNA HAVE TEN KIDS AND AN APARTMENT IN SEATTLE!" I yelled it in his face and he backed up slightly at the noise. I heard my cabin screaming with laughter behind me and his face was now as red as a firetruck. 

"I-is that it?" He asked wearily 

"Yeah sorry Ryan put me up to it." I threw him a sideways grin and backed up.

"Brendon?" I heard him pipe up

"Yeah what's up?" I asked

"Does Pete know? About me liking him? Is that why you did this?" He looked sad, his golden brown eyes shining in sadness. 

"Yeah...I'm sorry Mikey he's already with Patrick and I don't think they're going anywhere anytime soon." His face faltered.

"O-ok, just if you could, tell him I'm sorry about everything and stuff." 

"Ok Mikey, don't be sorry he understands." 

"Ok have a good rest of the day." 

"Ok." He wasn't such a bad kid after all.

(Fine guys I wasn't gonna do him dirty) 

"You all happy?" I asked with a cocky smile as I entered the room, pulling off my soaked shirt and jeans. In my boxers, I shook my hair like a dog and put on one of Ryan's shirts and a pair of sweatpants I had found on his bed. Pete was laughing his head off along with Josh and the rest of them were just incredibly amused with the show I'd put on. As I pulled on the thin shirt, I breathed in the heavy scent of shaving cream and the unmistakable tingles of musk. It was an incredibly masculine scent for such a feminine boy but I could care less. 

"Who said you could wear those?" Ryan asked sarcastically as I sat between his legs on the floor "You bring your own clothes for a reason." I tilted my head back to look at him upside down. 

"They were the only pieces of clothing available to me." I lied.

"Yeah sure." He said while playing with my hair. I shivered at the touch and closed my eyes as he massaged my drying scalp.

"So I heard a rumor..." Pete starts "That there was an entertainment room behind the doctor's quarters." I open my eyes at this. By now everyone was enveloped at what he was saying, we were far away from there, but it was still worth checking out. 

"I have an umbrella in my bag." Patrick said and I felt the urge to interrupt.

"Ryan and I will go check it out and come back with an answer." Ryan's hands stop moving "It makes sense because I'm already wet and you guys should stay here."  
No one argued. It wasn't really worth going out into the rain to look for something we didn't know was for sure there but anything was better than the stuffy cabin.

"Umm who said I wanted to go out in the rain?" Ryan asked above me.

"I said so let's go." I got to my feet slowly due to a head rush and went to get the umbrella out of Pat's bag. 

"It's under the books." He says and I pull it out. 

"Ok let's go Ry." I say opening the door for him while he begrudgingly gets up from the bunk. 

"Fiiiiiiine." he sighs and grabs the umbrella out of my hand and opens it up before stepping out the door. 

"It's like a northern downpour out here." (I'm so sorry) he sighs and holds the umbrella above us and I moved away "You're gonna catch a cold."

"it's summer Ry." I replied rolling my eyes at his compassion. 

"You can still catch a cold in summer Bren." He says softly

"Ok fine." I say stepping under the umbrella.

"What's wrong?" he asked me and I made a confused face "You seem weird today." Oh shit, he knows and he's waiting for me to admit it. 

"No nothing's weird I'm ok." I say it as innocently as I can. We walk past the beach and come up on the cafeteria. 

"Do you wanna talk about anything?" I ask him and he looks away.

"No not really...." He pauses "do you love me?" 

At this I'm taken aback, hasn't he asked this before? 

"Of course I do, what ever makes you think I don't?" 

"Nothing!" He says defensively "I know you love me I just want to hear it sometimes..." We pass the cafeteria and the noise of rain splattering on the umbrella drowns my senses.

"I-I love you Ry." I say and he turns back to me. He reaches over and holds my hand, squeezing it. 

"Love you too." He says with a grin and I almost melt into a puddle right there. 

"By the way," He says and I tense "Did you take your meds this morning." Oh shit oh shit oh shit

"Yep." I say out of habit, lying is a bad habit. 

"Ok good." he says with a slight nod

I saw a concrete building ahead of us. Not like the other cabins but it still fit in with the rest of the buildings because of it's structure. No lights were on and by the looks of it, it was empty. By the time we came to this building the rain was pouring so hard we both knew we weren't going to be able to make it back to the cabin. Dirt walkways that were once dry and cracked were muddy and almost like quicksand.

"Think that's it?" I yelled over the almost deafening pounding rain.

"Who knows let's go!" He yelled in my ear and we ran towards the building. I used all my strength to pull open the heavy duty doors and yanked a shivering Ryan inside. he shook out the umbrella and wrapped it up as I felt around for a light switch. Once I found it I flicked it on, casting an almost silver glow across the cool room.

"Wow." I heard him breathe behind me. I turned my back away from the wall and faced the now bright and clean room.

The room was painted a soft light blue color, with skylights on the ceiling casting a grey undertone around the room. There were wooden beams along the ceiling and two metal fans whirring to life at the second switch I flipped. There was a thick shag carpet on the floor with five large navy blue beanbag chairs and a sectional like the ones at the hospital. On the wall hung a portrait of the lake and a flat screen tv. There were large oak cabinets along the walls as well and a foosball table in the center of the room. A piano sat in the corner of the room and I immediately sat in front of it, running my fingers along the dusty keys.

"Woah!" I exclaimed in excitement. This place was the perfect hangout for us. I jumped up from the piano bench and ran over to open up a cabinet to reveal a stack of older board games and an ancient Nintendo 64. 

"Josh and Tyler are gonna be happy about this!" I held it up and Ryan laughed. 

"What's in the other ones?" He asked and I opened the one on the left side. 

"Oh my god." I breathed out in suprise 

"What is it?" He asked walking up behind me. 

"Guitars." He says, answering his own question. On the inside of the cabinet held two acoustic guitars and a keyboard on the bottom shelf. 

"Guitars." I repeated breathlessly. Ever since I had been put in the hospital, I've missed my old fender at home. It wasn't acoustic, but it was the first guitar I bought with my own money and I was in LOVE with it. 

Before we could say anything else, Ryan was perched on the arm of the sofa tuning his as I sat on the floor in front of him.

"Are we gonna go get the other guys?" I asked and he shook his head slightly, his hair swaying back and forth in curly brown waves.

" 's too rainy. Besides, we need some time together." I looked down and smiled at this, playing with my fingers. 

"Kay." I said as he strummed the instrument slightly, making sure it sounded perfect. I sat next to him on the couch and he bent down, kissing me and looking me in the eyes. 

"I love you." 

"I love you too." I say inching forward and kissing him back. When I opened my eyes his were still closed so I continued. After a few minutes he pulled back and started strumming again, making me laugh at his need to continue. 

"Play me something?" I asked sweetly and he smiled. 

"Sure." He paused his movements and started up a repetition of chords, making sure he was hitting the right notes before singing.

"I'm still working on it so leave the judgements." He warned with a grin.

"Wouldn't dream of it." I said and leaned into the faded cushions "continue." 

He breathes out "alright." A few chords play until I hear his voice.

"When the moon fell in love with the sun, all was golden in the sky...all was golden when the day met the night...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's 2017 but I'm still shipping Ry and Bren. I just can't stop thinking abt them


	24. Trapped Inside and Lashing out

By the time Ryan was done his song I was already crying. Tears were streaming down my face in salty glittering lines leaving glistening tracks on my cheeks. He spent the entire time looking down at the guitar not making eye contact. His face was painted a deep red, and the minute he saw me crying he hid his face from mine. Ryan always does this thing when he cries that I really hate. When he cries he doesn't let any one see. He's too proud and that's one of the things I wish I could change about him. 

"That was so beautiful Ryro." I say quietly and he makes a small noise in the back of his throat.

"Thanks." he gurgles out through tears

"How long have you been working on it?" 

"I had the chords set but I didn't have any lyrics until Josh said that thing about the sun and the moon the other day." that makes sense. He had really wanted to write in his lyric journal after Josh had said that thing about us.

I nod slowly, drying the tears with my elbow.

"Its not that good...I'm not done." he mumbles

"No no it's AMAZING!" I say jumping up. "You need to patent that or something!"

He smiles and moves his face out of his shoulder. He has tear tracks down his face and his eyes are red and blotched. 

"Why are we crying?" He asks with a chuckle

"Because we're in love." I say and crawl onto the couch, stretching out sideways with my head in his lap. He grins and starts braiding my hair. He doesn't get very far though because there isn't much to braid. 

"BOOM!" 

"OH SHIT!" I jump and my shoulders hunch at the sudden noise.

"AHH!" Ryan shrieks and jumps in his seat, sending my head flying

"What the fu-" I start

"BOOM!" 

My shoulders relax. "It's just thunder..." I sigh and look behind me. Ryan is pale and shivering due to the after shock. 

"Shh it's ok it's just a little thunder." I sit next to him and he buries his head in my shoulder. Rain continued to pound on the door demanding to be let in. Were we stuck in here during a hurricane? 

"Oh shit that scared me..." he mumbles then chuckles into my hair "I jumped so fuckin high." 

"I felt it." I breathed in the top of his head "Your hair smells like a girls." I stuff my nose in it. Strawberries? 

"I used girl's shampoo." he laughs and looks up at me, his eyes crinkled in joy.

"You smell so slutty right now." I giggle into his curly brown hair 

"Is that a good thing?" He asks with a grin

"Well I mean you always smell slutty as fuck but I've just never had the balls to tell you." He fake shoves me 

"Abuse..." I fake whimper

"Oh you wish." he retorts and does the thing he does when he pinches the weak spot on my neck. I freeze under the touch and I hear him exhale a breathy laugh. 

"Your such a pushover Beebo." I roll my eyes at this and wiggle out of his grip. I stride over to the T.V and hit it a few times, it flickered a bit, showing a sort of warning alert to the area but then a message appeared saying there was no connection.

"Fuck." I whisper pacing the room and walking over to the door. I opened it quickly and was hit with a wall of freezing rain blasting in from the outside

"AGH!" I yelled, slamming the door shut, making the wood floors shake. Ryan watched me with an amused face as I walked back towards him cold and dripping. 

"No luck?" He asks trying not to laugh

"Stuff it." I murmur and pace the room again, looking around once more. there was a small bathroom in the back, and a storage closet with blankets, bedding and other strange things such as records with no record player and a chessboard. I dragged the comforter out into the main room and threw it on top of Ryan because it was freezing in here, I could see his frame shivering under his thin sweatshirt. I also found a small space heater in the back room so I plugged it in and sat on the pouf across from Ryan bouncing my leg. I hummed the Killers and looked around the room and accessed it quickly, taking in every detail. 

"This sucks." I mutter under my breath and my eyes find Ryan. He's watching me intently and I can feel my body tensing, suddenly a lot hotter than I was a second ago.

We stay like this for a couple seconds, maybe thirty before he speaks.

"You wouldn't lie to me right?" Ryan asks, breaking the thick fog of silence. 

"Not if I didn't think it would benefit you." I answer honestly because I know that's what he wants.

"So, how does it benefit me to know that you are lying about your medication?" his eyes meet my shifting one's and I gulp.

"I would really like to know." He says it bitterly but still calm and I'm impressed he lasted this long. I try to think of how fast I can run back to the cabin nearly on the other side of the camp. My mind is working as fast as a machine, the gears spinning quickly but I can't find anything to say that wouldn't start a fight. But then again if we fight i'll just end up out in the rain anyway. I actually consider making a run for it but that would just cause more problems. I don't need a concussion from slipping in the mud. I can see him becoming even more impatient and I swallow again.

"Brendon I can't keep being Eshleman." He sighs as if he's disappointed and I really hate it. 

"I can't keep being your mother." 

"I can't keep fighting about this." He wants an answer or shit is going to hit the fan. I think fast

"I-I don't know what to do." I say weakly and he nods 

"I know you don't that's why we have to get to the bottom of this." He speaks slowly and carefully because I am honestly a mess right now.

"I-I don't like who I become." I say to him "When I take the pills." 

"Ok."

"It feels like I'm inside this body, and I'm watching myself behave a certain way and there's nothing I can do about it." I spit the words out really fast and he doesn't even blink.

He nods again and smiles a little. I know why, I had just opened to him, something I don't do very often.

"And what are we gonna do about that?" He asks and I shake my head. 

"I don't know, talk to Eshleman?" I ask him and he nods slightly. 

"We could start with that, I know you hate it but we have to figure something out because from what I've heard and experienced, you aren't exactly normal or even, "Stable." I already knew this, but it still struck a nerve, it still cut deep. 

"Well you're one to talk!" I lash out suddenly, surprising myself as well as him "Social isolation, disorganized behavior, aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior." He gapes at me but I continue ignoring his shocked expression.  
"You're either angry, anxious, or non feeling! Your hallucinations, paranoia, hearing voices, I've read it all! I've done my research but you know what I found?" My voice cracks at the end of the sentence and I shake my head.

He closes his eyes peacefully, he's waiting for the blow.

"No cure," I spit at him and he flinches.

Then the lights go out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a bitch but here ya go!


	25. Blurry is Back and Tearing my Heart

(Tyler's POV)

Why did they all have to fall asleep? Why did Josh have to be fast asleep when I need him most. Why did Patrick have to say he was going to take a nap? 

"shut the fuck up you pansy." 

Oh god please fuck no not now I was getting along so well

"You really though that? What a little bitch." The cold voice comes back, louder and stronger than before

Ryan and Brendon will be back soon, they have to be...

"No they won't it's pouring out there, they're probably fighting in some dingy cabin right now." Blurry speaks again and I grab at my head, a migraine approaching fast. 

I remember that Josh told me a I should've just woken him up last time this happened. I start to inch towards his bed but I'm yanked back by and invisible force and I crash to the floor, bruising my tailbone. I wince in pain.

"Uh uh, Not today."

Fuck fuck fuck please go away not right now, not while I'm alone.

"Well you see Ty, it kinda works better while you're alone so I don't think I'm gonna wait for someone to wake up." The voice teases

I sat on the floor in a ball pulling at my hair. My shirt was ripped somehow and I was shivering in front of the blazing fire if that was even possible. How am I shivering?

"You're shaking cause you're scared dipshit."

I let out a dragged breath of annoyance and exhaustion.

"I wish I could just drown you in the rain." He says above me.

Josh...I whimper softly

"Can you please shut the fuck up for once, stop whining like a child." I look up and he's rubbing his temples. I make a strangled noise in the back of my throat because I'm scared as fuck, he's never like this. I whimper again into my sleeve. Before I know it he's bending down and bringing his hand back, slapping me across the face. I choked out a gasp and reached up to touch the stinging red skin. I cried out at the pain and when I pulled the hand away it was covered in an ash-like black substance.

What the fuck was happening to me.

"So are you going to cooperate or not little bitch?" I could almost hear the sneer in his voice and I nodded slowly, looking at the ground. 

"Good job, when you cooperate it hurts less." 

I sit in silence and think. hadn't thought he could be this powerful. I mean, I literally just slapped myself in the face. There was no one else here he's not real. I just slapped myself in the face.

"It was actually quite funny to watch you slap yourself, I couldn't resist." He says, biting his nails and looking around the room while I sat in a ball on the verge of tears. 

STOP READING MY MIND! I shouted into subspace. Suddenly, a hand that definitely isn't mine flies up to cover my mouth and I whipped around to see Trick sitting up in bed.

"You better keep quiet." He says, tightening the grip on my face with my own hand that he was controlling.

"Ty are you ok? Ty? What's wr-" to my horror, my legs lift me up and carry me to the other side of the room, and without a word I walk over to Patrick and slap him hard across the face, watching him fall back onto the pillow unconscious. 

Oh my god what have I just done? My hand hurt from the impact but it went numb after a little.

"See what happens when you fucking speak out? I could do this all day with you Ty you're only hurting yourself."

Why though? Why do I want this for myself?

"Because you're a worthless piece of trash that couldn't even stay in school, couldn't even stay with his family." 

I shut my eyes and plop back in front of the fire, two feet away from Josh, one tap and I could wake him up, he could help.

"he'd just end up like Patty cakes hon." Blurry yawns, reading my thoughts and making fun of them. 

Shut up you little piece of-

"Shit? Why thank you!" He gushes sarcastically and I feel like vomiting.

"Bathroom's in the back sweetie, maybe you'd finally lose those stubborn pounds." He taunts me and I stumble towards the door, quickly swinging it open and running inside. I look at myself in the mirror and shout at what I see. One of my eye's is red, the other brown, and my neck and right cheek are covered in the paint like black substance. Only it isn't paint because when I try to rub it off none rubs off. 

I lean forward and examine the red eye. It's a deep crimson color, overtaking the iris. I've gotta get Josh. Right as the thought crosses my brain my forehead flies into the mirror making an obscene shattering noise and pieces of glass fall into the sink. Oh my god I need

Josh.

"I swear if you even think about it... Goner." My head snaps back up. He used the name that subsides me. I'm now diminished to submissive Tyler. But not enough so to do something about it. I don't want this. I don't wanna hurt myself anymore, don't wanna hurt the ones I love...

"LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M FUCKING TALKING TO YOU!" I scream at my self and take a moment to imagine what this must look like to someone else. Also, why hasn't anyone woken up?

I start to cry, heaving sobs shaking my body and I touch my forehead, screaming at the immense pain. I slam the door and vomit violently, my body shuddering and heaving forward.

"T-t-Tyler?" There's a voice outside the door. Josh. 

"Tyler are you in there?" Oh shit it's Josh he's come to save me.

JOSH HELP! I try to scream but Blurry shoves me into the door, slamming my face against the wood.

"What did I just fucking say?" He screams in my left ear and I feel my eardrum pop and I feel heat spread over my lobe. Of course it's fucking bleeding.

"Tyler?" Josh repeats and opens the door slowly to see me standing with my back to him. He can't see me like this. 

"Tyler turn around." 

I do, well, Blurry does, making a show of it. He spins on my heel like a dancer and he's got me wearing this stupid grin that makes Josh back up. 

"What the fuck? Tyler?" Josh gasps, stepping forward examining my face. 

"Tyler's not here sweetheart." Blurry growls, voice low and dangerous. 

"Tyler come here..." I'm backing up but he wants to help. 

No Josh, I'm gonna hurt you... I try to warn him but I can't speak. shaking my head frantically I run at him, ready to attack, to punch him, whatever I can do. My arms are unwillingly swinging and I just want to die. If I can't even control myself how do I control my life. 

"Tyler what the?" He catches my swinging arms and tackles me down and pinning me to the ground, holding my arms down as I'm thrashing wildly below him trying to flip him over. tears are streaming down my face I can feel them, and Josh leans over my face watching me struggle.

"Tyler stop moving." 

"IM NOT THAT IDIOT!" Blurry holler trying to get josh off.

Josh stays silent, re positioning himself on top of me so he can hold me down better. Blurry takes a chance and weakly knees him in the crotch. Josh face cringes in pain but he doesn't move.

"Hmmm, I'd say seven inches...give or take" Blurry teases and I throw my head back in embarrassment. If I had a free hand I would face palm but I don't. Josh blushes furiously, looking more embarrassed than I've ever seen him, but doesn't give in. When I throw my head back, it hits the tile floor and I groan. I try to put my leg back down from where it's slotted between Josh's knees but Blurry's holding back, which results in my leg shaking instead of actually moving.

"TYLER! Stop fucking moving!" Blurry whisper yells at me but I don't listen.

"Pete!" Josh yells and Pete wakes up surprisingly fast and hops off the bunk, running over and covering his mouth with his hand. If only he had woken up five minutes ago.

"Holy shit." he mutters before crouching down and holding down my frantically kicking legs desperately trying to hit Josh's bare back.

"GET THE FUCK OFF FAGGOTS!" I yell. Wait, I didn't say that. I'd never say that.

"Tyler what the actual fuck? why is your voice so fucking deep? how'd you get it like that?" Josh leans forward, really close to my face so our noses are almost touching and watches my pupils dilate. He gasps when he sees the red eye "What did you do to your eye...and your throat?" He looks horrified and bewildered I scrunch up my face and grunt deep in my throat trying to get him away. Pete looks mildy offended at the faggot insult but shrugs it off.

"TYLER ANSWER ME!" Josh yells in my face and I spit at him, landing on his cheek. Blurry laughs at his shocked face. 

"What the-" Josh starts and cuts himself off. JOSH THIS ISN'T ME PLEASE UNDERSTAND. I'm screaming inside, desperately trying to let it out.

"TYLER SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME DO THIS!" Blurry screams again, frowning this time and fighting me for dominance. Josh just straddles me looking nothing less than scared straight.

NO NO NO NO NO I scream to myself, I now know Josh can't hear me so why am I trying so hard? It's not for me, not for blurry.

"TYLER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL SLIT HIS THROAT THEN YOU'LL BE REALLY SORRY!" Now I know who I'm fighting for.

Josh stares at me quizzically "Pete why does he sound like a forty year old rapper?" I almost laugh at this. almost.

"I HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA!" Pete screams waking up the others except Patrick

"Wait it's the....the um...Blurry guy he talk about all the time!" Josh touches the black smudged hand print on my face "It has to be!"

he knows, he knows, he'll save me! I scream inside my head, rooting for Josh as if I'm watching this on a screen.

"It's....Blurryface!" Josh yells at Pete who looks like someone just told him the sky is green. 

Josh knows and he's going to save me! I don't know how but he has to.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP TYLER HE WONT SAVE YOU!" I scream out loud and Josh's eyes widen 

"Tyler? Are you in there?" 

Yes! Josh Yes!

"No! He's not get off me!" Blurry shrieks trying to kick Pete off to no avail 

"Blurry SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Hearing Josh yell at Blurry almost turns me on I'm not gonna lie.

"HAHA YOU GETTING A BONER TYLER? BECAUSE HE'S TELLING ME OFF?!" God fucking damn I forgot he can read my thoughts. 

"W-what?" Josh is thoroughly confused now and so am I.

"Tyler thinks it's hot when you yell at me Joshua." Blurry inst yelling anymore which is even more confusing. And he's explaining something to Josh. Why would he do that? 

"So it is you..." Josh whispers, looking me in my one brown eye. "This is Tyler." I use all the rest of my energy and wink my brown eye and Josh smiles. 

"There he is." Pete just stands by gaping.

"Tyler's in there somewhere..." He mutters "I just don't know how to get him out...." I watch from afar as a light bulb suddenly goes off in his head. But then I start to feel an all too familiar sensation.

I feel cold, so so cold...the hot all at once. My body is on fire and I hear a hollow voice in my ear "I think it's time you left us to our own devices Tyler..." 

Fuck fuck no no no I can't leave get away! I'm hollering in my head giving me the worst migraine I've ever experienced. I see a figure under my eyelids coming towards me slowly and I writhe in fear. It's him, he's coming, he wants the control and he's not giving up. My eyes flutter before closing. Josh gasps in fear and starts to shake me but I don't respond. It's only Blurry now.

(Josh's POV)

Tyler's eyes flutter and shut and I start to panic. Oh shit no no you can't do that now. I shake him and his eyes fly open. They're both red. No, no no he's gone. 

"Hello Joshua William. Nice to finally meet you after so long, Granted, Tyler always talked about you...even dreamed, but now I get to see you in the flesh." The deep voice says with a voice laced with rust and metal.

I scowl, and grab the evil Tyler's throat. Not too tight, but tight.

"You going to kill me Joshua, save me the work?" It squints at me with a cocky smile and I want to throw up.

"feeling sick Joshie? That's no good now is it?" wait what the fuck?

"Shut up." I growl, keeping my ground because I can't give him the power.

"I'm trembling." It says sourly with the roll of it's blood red eyes.

I growl low in my throat, hating this thing with everything I am.

"Really Josh, I though we'd be friends!" Blurry says sarcastically 

I just want to punch him in the face.

"I'm sure Tyler would appreciate a black eye." hearing this....thing say Tyler's name gave me chills and I didn't want to hear another word.

"just in case you haven't caught on...I can read your thoughts Joshua." I hadn't thought about that yet, I just thought he was clever. I stay silent.

"Oh I am clever Joshua, even more so then you think." He says ominously, body limp beneath mine. "Now, where were we?"

I pin his hands back because he goes from limp to violent in just about four seconds. He thrashes against me to no avail, my legs keeping him in place

"You know, Tyler has fantasized about you holding him down like this..." he pants and my eyes widen then screw shut and I'm shaking my head. Not true, he's just trying to get a rise, he's lying.

"Oh no Joshua I'm telling the truth...you know that night he teased you in the hospital room? You know what he did after he left? After he went back to his room?" He's lying he's lying and now I'm wishing Pete isn't hearing all this.

"Joshua why do you insist that I'm lying? I am in Tyler's head after all. I know all his thoughts, his fears, his dreams, his....desires." I refuse to let myself blush. 

"you know you want to know it all Joshua, just not with Peter Lewis here." I turn around and Pete looks beyond horrified. 

"Shut. Up. Blurry." I warn but he doesn't listen.

"Oh! It speaks! How nice of you to finally join the conversation." It's taking all my strength just to sit on top of him because right now I want to curl up and cry.

"Aww, poor, sensitive, Joshua. Is this painful for you to see? Well, that's just too bad because I'm not done here." If I could scream I would but I know that's not going to help anything.

"What do you w-want?" I ask and he sneers

"You know...that's a good question. At first, I wanted Tyler to feel pain, that's accomplished. Next, I want him to just get rid of his useless life." I wince at this.

"But that doesn't seem to be going very well because of a certain SOMEONE holding him back!" he spits the word "someone" with such disgust you would've though Josh would be hurt by this but he isn't. In fact, he's far from it, knowing that he is the one that keeps Tyler going.

"Ok now Joshua don't choke on your pride." He taunts "but that is a thing Tyler loves about you." Now I can't tell if he's lying or not so I raise an eyebrow.

"Want to hear more? I'll ask him..." His eyes roll back into his head and after a second he comes back. "He told me to fuck myself." he chuckles lowly and I smile slightly. That's my Ty. 

"Well...I do know that he thinks it's hot when you yell at me...he always thinks it's cute when you smile....and he always gets the dirtiest thoughts when you change." Blurry counts off Tyler's private thoughts as if it doesn't care. Which he probably doesn't. 

"He has dreams about you ALL the time Joshua you can't even imagine." I look away from the face that looks so, so much like Tyler's but it just isn't. the light is missing.

"Ya know Joshua, I had high expectations for you." He smirks, looking me up and down with dangerous eyes "you exceeded them." I forgot in that moment that Pete was still behind me.

"What?" I gasp out, with wide eyes

"Joshua, you're a beautiful boy." he says from underneath me "No wonder Tyler wants to fuck you." My mouth drops open. What the fuck did Blurry just say to me?

"I mean," he starts "I want to as well...so don't be surprised if I pop by sometime soon." My brows furrow in anger and I shake him, pinning him even tighter.

"SHUT UP!" I scream and Blurry just laughs 

"No I think I'm gonna stay for a little longer...could you do me a favor and get the army knife out of Tyler's bag I kinda had some business I need to attend to." I grit my teeth

"No, I could do this all day Blurry... what do you want?" 

"Tyler dead." he's says in a cold and dead voice and I twitch at this and turn my head

"Well that's not going to happen...so what is it going to take for you to just leave?" I try another tactic, bribery, a compromise. 

"Hmmm...well I'd love to fuck you but I'll let Tyler do that first." I roll my eyes in frustration. Why'd he have to keep bringing that up?

"Are you serious Josh? He's eighteen, that's all he thinks about and so do you." I pout angrily at the accusation.

"See, aren't I so much more composed without him yelling at me? This has been a nice talk Joshua."

"Yeah sure now are you going to get the fuck out of here?" i ask impatiently.

"Tyler...." he mumbles and my heart skips a beat "Tyler I swear-SHUT UP!" 

I open my mouth in surprise and grab Blurry's face, despite his hands grabbing at me.

"Get off m- TYLER DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU AGAIN!" He screams, trying to writhe under my hold. His back is arching and his teeth are clenched as his eyes roll back into his head.

"No no no..." I mumble, shaking the writhing figure beneath me. Oh my fucking god I can't wrap my head around what's happening. Is he having a fucking seizure?

I try to think about how Tyler would get rid of Blurry. The only time I've really seen it was when we first met. He told me that when he shuts down...Blurry can't get to him. he had to be unconscious. He had to be knocked out.

I had to knock him out.

"Fuck..." blurry mumbles but it's more of a grunt

"I'm so sorry about this Ty." I whisper before raising his hand, then swinging it down with immense force.

"SMACK!" the sound reverberates throughout the room and I Tyler's face slumps down to the ground. Laying still, no shaking, his neck is turning back to it's normal tan. What the actual fuck just happened.


	26. Raindrops and Makeups

(Brendon's POV)

The thick fog of silence was overwhelming. I knew I went too far but he had really hurt me. It was like he had planned this all out, and was just waiting for me to give in and do what he thought was best for the both of us. But he doesn't know what goes on in my head and he isn't the one that should call the shots on MY health and well being. Sure I'm hyperactive, sure I get excited. Sure, I have ticks and of course I'm distracting. Of course I hate myself sometimes and that leads to bad things but again, it's NATURAL. It's gotta be just a phase cause if it's not I don't know how longer this can go on. 

(Ryan's POV) 

I close my eyes just because I know what he's going to say. Does he think I don't know that there's no cure? Does he think I'm oblivious to the fact that I'm never going to get better and the only thing I can do for myself is to try and see reality. I don't see it though, that's the problem. Half the day I'm told that I'm almost comatose and the other half I'm either fighting or making out with Brendon. 

My dad is gone, alcohol poisoning. My first name the only souvenir I keep of him. He wasn't the "best" dad but he could've been worse. That's how I calmed myself down after things got bad, It could be worse. But in reality it was the worst. I never told anyone but Jenna about the things he did to me. I was always schizophrenic, but my old man never noticed. My mom would've though. But she's been gone far longer, I belong to my mom's sister now. She knew it was best I get help and I didn't blame her, who would wanna deal with me I am out of my mind? 

After a little time on my own, I started getting White flashes, seeing him alive and coming at me. I flinch a lot more, when Brendon gets mad mostly, but today I'm stiff as a board.  
He goes quiet after he spits the last word. I can almost hear him wringing his hands in guilt but the sound of the rain consumes me mixing with the voices that come back every so often. 

"Ryan?" He whispers but I bite my lip and keep my eyes closed because if I open them I'll see him standing with an army of shadows behind his back. I don't want to face them, there's too many and he won't be able to help me fend them off.

"Ryan." it's a whimper now. I'm being a jerk and I know it but the worst part is that I don't feel bad about it at all.

"George." My eyes fly open at the single syllable. My eyebrows immediately furrow in anger but I know he can't see my face. He wants to hear my voice but he doesn't deserve that.

I consider telling him off but I dismiss the thought. He wants a rise and I'm not going to give it to him even though he's basically begging for it.

"Fine stay like that and don't answer. Run away from it all just like you always do!" He's shouting now, in the heat of the fight and I can feel radiating body heat so I know he's coming closer. I take a hesitant step back. Thunder booms in the distance but I hardly notice it.

"Don't say that." I give in to the temptation and immediately regret it.

"It speaks." he mocks sarcastically. I hate it when he gets bitter like this. 

He comes forward again and I start to get deja vu, not the good kind, the kind that keeps me up at night. 

"Don't come closer." I whisper but he doesn't hear me.

"Ryan this is for your own good!" Brendon yells. What I'm thinking isn't what he means. He means that talking if for my own good, but I've beeen raised to know that sentence means something very different.

He steps forward again and out of absolute fear I take a wild swing, hitting his cheek dead on. 

"You...didn't just hit me, did you?" He sounds pissed and I don't blame him.

"You were...my....dad." I choke out 

"No, I'm not George I'm BRENDON! Brendon Urie remember me? Your boyfriend?" 

"stop." It comes out a plea instead of a command.

"Why? Why should I stop when you need to hear this?!" He yells again and I'm not sure if I really need to hear this but he continues anyway. I keep my eyelids tightly shut but the rest of my face relaxes.

"You need to stop trying to fix me because you can't fix yourself!" There's a flash of light and I can see him clearly for just a second. his face is painted in tears and he looks completely wrecked. Wrecked, but still fierce in the midst of anger. The light leaves as soon as it came and now I'm screaming into the darkness. 

"SHUT UP!" I scream and he cries out in frustration. "Not everything is about you!"

We are in the heat of the fight, nothing's stopping us, everything's coming out, we aren't holding back.

I hear him breathing heavily for a few seconds. He's thinking about what he wants to confess now. I huff out a breath of frustration, blowing the hair off my forehead.

"Well HE'S not bleeding on the ballroom floor just for the attention!" He hollers suddenly and I jump back. That little shit's been reading my lyrics! My private journal!

"Well HE sure is gonna get it!" He bellows, stomping his foot like a child.

"HAVE SOME COMPOSURE WHERE IS YOUR POSTURE?!" I shout, challenging him. 

We stand our ground, eyeing each other at the same time, both shaking from pure fury. Our fists are clenched by our sides, chests puffed in an attempted to look more dominant in this fight

"STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME!" He cries, tears finally finding their way out.

"Congratulations, you figured out why I'm such a neurotic freak. Why I'm trying to keep you sane because I'm CRAZY!" 

(Brendon's POV) 

"Wait what?" I ask out of nowhere and he seems shocked at my sudden silence. But what he had just said thoroughly confused me.

"You heard me." he spits and now I know how it feels.

"look, Ryro-"

"Not now...with the nickname." He snaps and my heart falls to the bottom of my lung.

"Ryan..."

We went from screaming our lungs out to silent and subdued in about ten seconds. We were done. It was over. At least the worst part

"Brendon."

We stand in heated silence once more, rain rapping on the metal roof with such force you would've thought they were bullets, joining in on the war going on I the pitch black room.

"Look Ryan, I'm sorry... that was a shitty thing to say it's just that I've been really stressed with all these changes-" I try and finish my excuse but he cuts me off.

"Brendon, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have been making you do something that was upsetting you in the first place. I just wanted you to be safe and healthy."

"But what if what they say isn't healthy, I was born this way and it's my genetics that made me like this so let's let my body figure it out huh?" the last word was a little smart but I hoped he wouldn't notice the edge in my voice. Thankfully he didn't.

"I guess we'll just have to figure it out." He shrugs in the darkness.

"We really needed that didn't we?" It ask weakly "we needed to fight."

"Yeah we did..." I could only see the outline of his face but I knew he was cringing at how his voice broke at the word yeah.

"I'll talk to E tomorrow, I promise." I had no interest or intention of talking to Eshleman but that's what Ryan wanted to hear so that's what I said.

"Ok." he agreed lightly.

"Ok." I said with a hint of sadness in my voice I didn't expect. 

I hear him walk away and I don't know where he went. My eyes slowly start to adjust to the dark and just as I can make out his silhouette there's another flash of lightening and I stumble as fast as I can over to the couch before the light went out again.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper as I sit on the other side, hugging my knees to my chest. he's looking at me, I can feel his eyes on me. 

"I'm so sorry." He mimics me in a sentimental tone and I hear the smile in his voice.

"Is that it?" I ask expectantly.

"That's it. No more fighting." He says soothingly, trying to calm me down because I'm surprised I haven't freaked yet. I don't know why I said he always runs from everything because that's completely hypocritical, I'm running right now. I considered running two minutes ago.

"I love you." He says quietly and I scoot over to him and lean on his chest. It reminded me of about seven months ago.

"Remember that song you taught me when I was in Critical Care?" I ask him hesitantly. That was a really bad four weeks. Before Josh had come, I had an...episode or some sort I can't really remember but it wasn't good. Ryan stayed in my room for nights on end and taught me songs I'll never forget.

"Yeah." He whispers "can you sing it for me?" 

I nod and sit up, sniffling before clearing my croaky throat. "Before our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed...."

(Ryan's POV) 

I asked him to sing it because I wanted to see if he still remembered it, it seemed that the songs were the only things he remembered from that whole month. 

"And then she said she can't believe that genius only comes along in storms of fabled foreign tongues, northern downpour sends it's love...I love you," He adds in little bits of light commentary that make me smile.

"Hey moon please forget to fall down, hey moon don't you go down." his voice is soft and clear, hitting the notes perfectly despite having been screaming minutes ago . The rain in the background mixes with the melody and matches the lyrics.

"Hey moon please forget to fall down, hey moon don't you go down." 

"Never will." I say and he stops singing.

"Drawn to the ones who never yawn..." we finish it synchronized and as if it was magic, the rain comes to a deafening halt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EMOTIONAL ROAD SHOW WAS LIT AS FUCK OH MY LORD
> 
> JOSH AND TYLER.....IN THE SAME ROOM AS ME......BREATHING THE SAME AIR..... OH ALLENTOWN I LOVE YOU!  
> it was amazeballs if you wanna check out my vids and pics follow me


	27. Fighting back and Realization

(Josh's POV) 

I wake up to the sound of muffled screaming and what I think is someone throwing up. It pains me to know that the first thing I thought was "this has to be Tyler." and sure enough when I looked over at his bed he wasn't there. I groaned and rolled out of bed, not bothering to put on any clothes because it wasn't really worth the effort. I heard more retching and the door was shut so I knew something was wrong.

"Tyler?" I asked and he said nothing. The others were all fast asleep and it didn't make sense to wake them. "Tyler are you in there?" I asked again, knowing he was but I didn't just want to barge in. There was a loud bang on the other side of the floor and I assumed he rammed himself into it. What the hell? 

"What did I just fucking say?" Tyler screams from inside and I cock my head. I have to open the door.

He's standing at the end of the cramped bathroom with his back to me. 

"Tyler?" I ask hesitantly and he just stands there, shaking. 

"Tyler turn around." I command and he does so, twirling on his heel with a wide grin. I take a step back because he looks like a serial killer.

"What the fuck Tyler?" I take a step forward and look at his face closely. He just stands still and let's me examine him still wearing that creepy smile.

"Tyler's not here sweetheart." Woah, what the fuck? This definitely is creepy. His voice is about three or four octaves deeper than it should be and frankly he's scaring me, how'd he get it like that?

"Tyler, come here." He's backing away, up against the wall.

There's a hint of sadness in his eyes that I just can't pinpoint. he rolls his eyes back in his head and starts shaking his head. Oh my god what is happening?

before I can speak he's lunging towards me, trying to punch wherever he can hit. I grab his fists forcing him back, and soon I'm straddling his waist on the bathroom floor. This would be fun in any other situation but not right now because this isn't Tyler.

hes wiggling beneath me, turning and kicking wildy but I have his hands pinned and I'm focusing my weight on his stomach so he can't get up.

Gravity forces the tears in his eyes to spill down his cheeks and i lean forward into his face, trying to calm him and understand what's happening because as of now I just improvising.

"Tyler stop moving." I say and he frowns and yells in protest claiming "He isn't that idiot" whatever that means. I have no clue why he's referring to himself as "that idiot" but I don't humor it.

I try to move over on top of him because he's wheezing, but his knee wiggles it's way between my legs and I grunt because it hurts when someone's knee makes contact with your crotch, especially when you're only in boxers. 

"I'd say seven inches." Tyler teases in the deep voice and I can feel my cheeks flush. I purse my lips and look away from him. he throws his head back onto the tile and for a minute I think he's unconscious but then his leg starts shaking between my legs and I gasp, moving up his chest.

"Tyler stop fucking moving!"he whispers to himself, looking mad then his face changes to scared then flickers back to mad. 

I decide I need backup so I call for Pete. he jumps out of bed and I instruct him to hold down Tyler's legs because he's trying to kick my back, leaving bruises no doubt.

"GET THE FUCK OFF FAGGOTS!" He screams in the ominous voice and I close my eyes in pure fear. I'm so scared of this and I don't know why.

I demand to know how he got his voice so deep, his forehead is bleeding too and I look up, the mirror is cracked...Oh Tyler. 

I lean real close to his face and I see it, his eye. His eye is the color of new blood.

I gasp quietly and I watch his pupil dilate, going from big to small in time with his breathing. His left eye is still the usual mocha brown.

"What did you do to your eye?" I ask with concern and he turns his face away from mine "And your throat?" I choke out looking down at his black neck and his hands I was holding down. He looks genuinely guilty and scared before he twitches and scowls once again. What the actual hell was going on, what was he battling? he grunts again and tries a feeble attempt to arch his back.

"TYLER ANSWER ME!" I yell and he sneers again, before spitting on my cheek with a snarl. I gape at him, my mouth falling open as he laughs in my face.

"What the-" i say before stopping myself. this was NOT Tyler...I just didn't know what it was yet. i scanned his face but I couldn't find anything. He twitches again, scrunching up his face in pain, tears slipping down his face and soaking his shirt. This one was Tyler, but before I could say anything, his head jerked to the side and he stayed that way before slowly turning with an extremely pissed off expression, shouting suddenly 

"TYLER I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL SLIT HIS THROAT THEN YOU'LL BE REALLY SORRY!" This isn't Tyler talking, I ask Pete why he sounds like this and he yells that he has no idea, I figured as much. me and "Tyler" make eye contact and stay that way before my eyes wander down to his neck, and the black smudges all over it. 

This isn't Tyler, i think to myself. Then who is it? i ask myself and i'm at a dead end. I try to think about everything that he's done and everything that he's told me in the past and I suddenly remember the first day we met, when he had an anxiety attack and passed out, waking up only to ramble about a mean man. 

Is THIS Blurryface? 

"Wait it's the....the um...Blurry guy he talk about all the time!" I look at the hand print on his cheek "It has to be!" I gasp, and Tyler frowns.

"It's Blurryface!" I yell at Pete and he looks just so disoriented. he's still waking up, barely grasping the situation. 

"SHUT THE FUCK UP TYLER HE WONT SAVE YOU!" Blurryface screams and my eyes widen. Tyler's in there and he's watching this happen, he just can't control it. 

"Tyler are you in there?" I ask excitedly and he scowls

"No! He's not! Now GET OFF OF ME!" I assume this is Blurry and it infuriates me. 

"Blurry SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yell right in his face and he freezes, and I see the brown eye dilate, and a faint blush litters his cheeks. 

the blush on his cheeks disappear and are replaced with a shocked but cocky grin, looking at me in disbelief before laughing.

"HAHA YOU GETTING A BONER TYLER? BECAUSE HE'S TELLING ME OFF?!" the deep voice cackles, "THATS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE SEEN ALL DAY! Now I'm confused again. I turn around and look at his waist, my ears growing hot and my eyes widening once again before I turn back around to face a smug looking Blurryface.

"W-what?" I ask quizzically, was Blurry just teasing me or was all this true?

"Tyler thinks it's hot when you yell at me Joshua." Blurry says with the roll of an eye. he chuckles to himself as I start to blush again. Why was Blurry talking to me? Shouldn't he be focused on Tyler, or was he just patronizing him?

I look back at the chocolate eye with desperation, I'm losing my head, I'm definitely going crazy

"So THIS is you, THIS is Tyler," I say, motioning towards the brown eye. Tyler winks his brown eye and I smile

"There he is!" I shriek happily and Blurry looks angrier than I've seen him today

Then his eyes start to roll back and he's shaking and he looks like he's in pain so I try to snap him out of it bu he won't open his eyes again. I need to see the brown eye again god please I needed to see it. And then they opened. But all i saw were two red eyes. Red. Red like blood and red like anger and red like alarms.

He starts talking strange and I zone out because this isn't Tyler so why do I care what he has to say. Oh, because he's telling me Tyler's secrets and how much he wants to fuck me which makes me uncomfortable, confused, and flattered at the same time. he continues to blabber about wanting Tyler to kill himself and honestly I couldn't give two shits about what this demon wants so I tell it to shut up. But it doesn't like that. It reads my thoughts and makes me frightened for my own sanity. This can't be real. This isn't real.

But this is happening right now.

After talking about fucking me for the third time, Blurry starts to yell at Tyler again and I realize Tyler isn't gone anymore, he's fighting back again even after being knocked down.

"Tyler is in there somewhere...But how do I get him out?" I mutter to myself. I dive back into my memories and remember when Tyler was jacked on meds. He said that when he "shuts down" Blurry goes away. I knew it wasn't safe, or healthy, but it was my only option so I kinda had to do what I had to do.

"When he shuts down...Blurry can't get to him." I mumble and the brown eye grows wide. I feel bad about having to hurt Tyler, but I can't leave him like this. 

"fuck." Blurry grunts

"I'm so sorry about this Ty." I whisper before bring my one hand back, keeping his bound. He gives me one last look of utter disgust before I swing my hand down with as much force as I could muster, hitting the skin with a deafening crack watching his head snap to the side. He's out cold, thank god.

"What do I do now?" I whip around to a completely clueless and horrified Pete and he just shrugs, struggling to find words. 

"I-I don't know...Rain? Sarah?" Pete rambles. It was still pouring and real cold, so I decided to tuck him in my bunk. Pulling the sheets up to his neck I kiss his forehead and sit by the bed, watching the dark hand print and the black smudges disappear as if it was magic. He was gone.

At least for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't mind this crappy filler, just chilling listening to Drown waiting for the comments to roll in :)


	28. Waking up and Splashin Your Bitch With Water

(Josh's POV) 

It didn't take long for Tyler to come to, I hadn't slapped him that hard, but he still had a red mark on his cheek that I felt extremely bad for. I laid on his bed across from him on my side so I could watch him. I wrung my hands and tried to focus on him but I just couldn't. How long ago had I taken those meds? He didn't talk in his sleep like normal, he just laid there still and silent. He was breathing of course, but I wondered if this is how he sleeps when Blurry isn't around. 

Pete had went back to sleep, and I had told Dallon who woke up a little later just to go back as well. Patrick hadn't moved at all during everything, he must be a pretty deep sleeper. Ryan and Brendon hadn't come back and Andy and Joe had slept with earbuds in. 

Tyler started to stir at about 12:30 so I went to the bathroom to get him water and I dampened a washcloth. I walked over to his bed and pressed the dripping cloth to his forehead. The blood had stopped thankfully, and I prayed it wouldn't scar. He already has too many. Still was not a word to descibe me right now. I kept jumping up and pacing, wringing my hands and running them through my tangled hair. I should dye it again. 

He murmured something as the cold cloth made contact with the burning hot skin and I sighed. I placed the water next to his bed in the dresser and sat down across from him, hands under my chin keeping my face up. 

"J....J..." I sprang up and got closer, rubbing his other cheek with my thumb

"I'm here Ty, I'm here for you." I whispered 

"Josh....." he muttered and turned his face, cloth staying in place

"Shhhh, shhhh." I tried comforting him but he opened an eye

"My head is cold." I chuckled and rubbed his cheek with more vigor.

"Your head was really hot." I say taking it off.

"No I think it's my face that's hot." I laugh and smile because even after all that he's still a cocky little thing. 

"Oh?" I ask sarcastically and he shoots me a goofy smile. His hair is sticky up everywhere in a puffy brown bush and I ruffle it.

"Sit up." I say and he does so I hand him the water.

"So..." he starts, squinting his eyes as he takes a long sip "do I want to know what happened?" I hesitate because I'm not sure what I should tell him. 

"Umm, well I woke up to you screaming and kinda throwing up." He cringes and puts the water down.

"Then I opened the door and you were acting really weird, so I tried to console you but you tackled me." Tyler looks away from me. 

"So I straddled you," Tyler looks over with a smirk "and you were yelling at yourself." He stops smirking 

"Did you know what it meant?" He interrupts 

"Not at first," I said and he frowns slightly "but after you said something especially strange I knew who it was." He nods 

"So I moved up your chest because I didn't want to kill you," he chuckled "you kicked me in the nuts." I say and he snorts 

"God, I'm sorry J." He says between laughs "it didn't hurt did it?" I shake my head 

"Not that bad but a little." Suddenly I blush remembering what Blurry said

"What?" He asks and I snap back to him 

"Hm?" 

"Why are you blushing?" He asks then freezes "oh god what did he say? I mean, what did I say?" 

"N-nothing." I say carefully 

"Josh, Blurry is literally a drunken asshole. What did he say?" My face flushes bright red and he grins at my flustered expression.

"He talked about your dick didn't he?" I cover my eyes with my hands and he laughs 

"He said it was seven inches!" I say, my words muffled 

"I'm sorry babe, is that bad?" I raise an eyebrow and peek over my hands

"Shit sorry I shouldn't excpect much." He laughs and I rolll my eyes

"That wasn't me, it was Blurry I would never make fun of you, but let's not forget he kinda lives in my mind so I might have expectations." I huff and he laughs again 

"It wasn't me though I swear."

I laugh behind my hands "well it was definitely you near the end. Because I don't think Blurry gets boners." I look up and Tyler is bright red

"What did you just say?" He gasps and I giggle remembering what had happened. 

"After Pete helped me hold you down, Blurry was screaming so I told him to shut up." He smiles and I continue, I don't think he'll smile about this. "When I did yell he just stared laughing at you because you got turned on." Tyler's face is honestly the most priceless thing I've ever seen. I wish I had a camera. 

"No I didn't." He whispers 

"Yeah you did." I chuckle and he throws his head back

"Fuck." He sighs 

"It was extremely funny." I say and he scowls

"Shut up." 

I don't know whether I should tell him about Blurry spilling his thoughts and dreams so I don't.

"Blurry and I had a very interesting conversation thought." I say after a moment of silence.

"What did he say?" he asks quickly, worry etched in his face.

"things..." I say and he becomes serious.

"What kind of things Josh?"

"he was telling me about you." I say quietly "what you thought about me."

he puts his face in his hands and stays there for a minute before mumbling "nothing bad though...right?" 

I wasn't going to lie "He told me what he was trying to g-get you to do, why you weren't obeying his orders." 

"You." he says, looking up with a small smile "I don't do it because of you." 

"I know." I say in response.

"Did he say anything that made you feel...weird?" His choice of words was odd.

"Like, what?" I ask and he shakes his head

"anything." 

"Um...well..." I drift off and he grabs my cheek so I'm watching him

"he told you my thoughts didn't he? Told you about my...dreams?" 

I nod slowly in his grasp and he sighs heavily 

"should've know that bastard would spill." 

"It's ok reall-" 

"No! It's not fucking ok, someone shouldn't be telling you how much I want to fuck you ok?! That's my job to tell you that!" My eyes grow large at the words spilling from his fragile face. 

"Tyler..." 

"No, Josh...he- I- I don't know what to say, I have nothing else to say."

"Tyler it's fine, I didn't mind..." I say calmly "I was even a little flattered."

"He looks up suddenly with a hopeful face "really?" I nod with a chuckle, rubbing his back in the small circles he likes.

"really." my laughing falters and he lays back 

"So judging by the searing pain in my cheek I'm guessing you figured out what to do?" He glares at me, the hand print prominent on his face. 

"Yeah, I did." He groans 

"Well it worked." 

"Sorry Ty." 

"No it's fine I knocked Patrick out." I raise an eyebrow 

"How do you remember that?"

"Because I tried to stop myself from doing it." I walk over to Patrick, poor thing, he was probably trying to help.

"Do you remember anything else?" I ask and he nods 

"I remember...winking at you." My heart swells 

"You did, you had one brown eye and one red one, you winked the brown one." He smiles 

"That was me, I'm the brown eye." He shudders so I walk over and cuddle him

"Your neck and hands were black, I was scared Ty." 

"Well you took care of it, and now you know what to do in the future." I frown at this but don't say anything.

We lay in silence for a few minutes, listening to the rain and Pete snoring 

".........seven inches?" 

I dig my face into the indent of his back and laugh. "I'm not sure that's accurate."

He giggles "oh really?" 

I remove my face and flip him over so I'm leaning over his small frame. "wanna test that theory?" I slot my knee between his legs and put my hands on either side of his face so hold myself up.

He shrugs with a cocky grin "I don't know about that, I mean my cheek hurts." He was joking but I take it seriously. He check was almost swollen, not to mention his forehead still needed to be bandaged. I know he's desperate for a distraction after trauma like that, but I'm still a little scared of him. Not him, I'm scared Blurry will come back.

"Your right." I sigh, starting to untangle myself from him and he frowns. 

"No I was kidding." He says quickly, trying desperately to pull me back down while pouting like a five year old at my resistance.

"I know. But you're still hurt, and I'm still a little shaken up." He nods slowly, sighing loudly and dramatically.

He huffs again, Turing his face away from mine with his bottom lip protruding and I just can't help myself.

"Well, I mean I could...." I lick a stripe up his neck while his head was turned. Maybe a distraction would help both of us.

"Mmmmm...." he groans tilting his head up so I have better access. I roll back on top of him and attack his neck, putting my knee back. He grabs my shoulders and pulls me closer.

I suck on his collar bone softly, moving up to the underside of his jaw and he squeals in pleasure 

"Mmm Joshie..." 

We stay like that for about five minutes and then he gets up out of the blue, pushing me against the headboard. He crawls onto my half naked lap and makes a noise in the back of his throat. 

"Did you like straddling me?" He asks with lust filled eyes.

"Maybe." I pant watching his eyes rake over my still bare body. 

"Did you do it like this?" He asks rubbing my chest 

"Yeah..." I say a little uncertain of what he was leading up to. 

"No wonder I was aroused." He whispers and crawls further onto my lap with his mouth open so I capture it with mine. I lick his bottom lip and he allows me access to his mouth so I enter it with no hesitation.

"God I love you." He moans into my mouth and I smile 

"I love you to."

He flexes his thighs, squeezing mine together. I use my tongue to trace the roof of he mouth, making him writhe and squirm on top of me. 

"Uh....that...tickles!" He squeals and pulls back. We stare at each other for a moment, just making eye contact and panting before kissing again. He ruts against me while we kiss and I pull back.

"Ty," I whine and he looks up with a suggestively raised brow. 

"Josh?" A smile curls on his face but I frown sadly, shaking my head to signal him no and to tell myself to STOP. 

"Ty we agreed on sometime later this week." He pouts and whines, wiggling his ass on my lap. 

"Tyler if you don't stop I'll be forced to do something." I say seriously.

"What'll you be forced to do," He inquires, twirling a strand of my hair between his nails "daddy?" 

I suck in a quick breath. No he did not. I knew he'd use it for evil.

"Tyler..." I warn and he just smirks, pulling my hair lightly

"Hmmm?" He asks innocently, giving me the biggest "fuck me eyes" I've ever seen 

"No Tyler not today." He pushes my chest and I frown 

"Don't test me." I say sharply and whips his head to the side in mock shunning. His arms are crossed and his mouth is pulled in a juvenile frown.

"Don't test me!"'he mocks my voice horribly and I glower at him.

"Fine, wanna be that way?" I ask, grabbing his shoulders roughly and pushing him down under me "be that way." In a flash i force him down below me and I hover above him, his hands are pinned above his head like before.

"What are ya gonna do Joshie?" He taunts, wrapping his ankles around my lower back 

"Whatever I want to." I growl, dipping my head into the inside of his neck and biting the skin softly, holding it between my teeth. 

He yelps and arches his back, stretching his neck as far as it'll go. 

"You like that?" I tease, sucking his earlobe "you should get gages like me." He chuckles 

"No way, never." I roll my eyes and bite down on his lobe and he is so close to screaming.

"JOSH!" He yells and I cover his mouth with mine. 

"I could pierce it with my teeth." I taunt.

He giggles "didn't you have a lip ring?" I cringe at the memories and he bites my bottom lip "I could re open the seal." 

"Enough peircing talk." I mutter, "why are you still wearing a shirt?" 

"You never took it off.." he grumbles "my hands are still pinned Josh what was I supposed to do?" 

I chuckle and release his wrists, letting him peel of his shirt and I start to return to his neck.

"J-"

"WOAH SORRY BOYS!" I look up to see Ryan and Brendon standing dripping wet in the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was LONG..... hope you liked it


	29. Surprises and Campin Outside How Bow Dat

(Ryan's POV)

After we finished singing and (making out) the rain had fully come to a halt so Brendon and I decided to make a run for it. We couldn't spend another five minutes in that place. Granted, the power was still out and it was cold as Alaska. 

"We have to get out of here," I said with my teeth chattering "I feel like a penguin." 

Brendon made seductive eyes and sauntered towards me "noot noot." I burst out laughing at this and tugged on my jacket. It was too light to protect against wind but it was all I had. I made sure that Brendon grabbed the umbrella before I threw open the door and ran outside. There were still large, dark grey clouds covering every inch of sky, but I didn't think anything of it. 

"Still smells like rain..." Brendon hums "still smells like a northern downpour." I chuckle at this, and hold his hand.

"Ya think the others are sleeping?" I asked and he nodded

"Definitely, maybe we could have a little Pingu and chill back at the cabin?" I snorted at the Pingu joke but nodded none the less.

We walked past the infirmary and saw a light on, probably Gerard, I thought to myself turning away. 

"Did you feel that?" Brendon murmed, patting the top of his head

"No..." I responded, "let's run though." 

Just as we started to jog, the rain came pounding down out of nowhere, immediately soaking through our clothes. 

"GODDAMMIT REALLY?!" I yelled, trying to cover my face with my sleeve

We ran passed the first three cabins, appraoching the beach fast. Brendon almost slipped in a puddle but caught himself.

"NO MY YEEZYS, MOTHERFUCKER!" He screamed sarcastically, looking at the mud on his battered converse. 

As we passed the lake we saw a faint light coming from the blue jay cabin which was the one right next to us. They had power so that means we should. We came upon ours in about forty seconds and I ran up to the door, standing under the overhead catching my breath.

"They're probably sleeping." I reminded Brendon, and he opened the door stepping on quietly. We turned our backs to the room and took off our shoes and putting them outside before turning around and closing the door.

"So what-" I stareted to ask before he cut me off. 

"WOAH SORRY BOYS!" I didn't know who he was talking to at first, so on instinct I covered my eyes and turned around. 

"SHIT SORRY!" I yelled an apology and Brendon started cracking up. I heard bedsprings creak and Josh groan as he got out of bed.

"Looks like you two were busy..." Brendon snorts.

"Chill dude we weren't fucking...you can turn around Ryan." I heard Tyler say so I did. Josh didn't have pants or a shirt on so I felt my cheeks tingle, but at least Tyler had pants on. Josh sighed as he put on gym shorts and Tyler just rolled his eyes as he took a gulp of water.

"We're really sorry we interrupted." I say genuinely.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to my dick." Tyler joked and Josh rolled his eyes

"I wouldn't have done anything anyways Ty." Now Tyler rolled his eyes

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't have done anything." He says causally, throwing his hands up in suggestion.

Josh just turned away with a slightly red face "I wouldn't have stopped you..." he muttered 

"It was getting good though Josh, we'll have to resume that later." Josh's lips pulled at his cheeks and he spun around to face Tyler

"Oh we will." He said darkly and I wolf whistled. He turned around and laughed.

"It looks like we both had the same idea." Brendon says, turning to me. 

"Haha yeah." I said walking over to my bed to put on dry clothes. I pulled on my Bishop Gorman hoodie with the 82 on the back and a pair of sweatpants. Brendon peeled off his sopping clothes and pulled on an XXXL Paolo Verde high school t shirt and a pair of glorified boxers. 

"Sorry to ruin your fun," Brendon says, "looks to me like you were just getting into it." 

"As a matter of fact we were." Josh mumbles, getting a bag of skittles out of his duffle "and I bet you two were as well." 

We had, in fact, been getting into it. However, the halted rain had cut our plans short and we decided just to leave. 

"So...what was going on while we were gone?" I ask, examining the broken mirror and the bloody damp washcloth. 

"Long story..." Josh mumbles, walking over to Tyler and pulling him onto his lap in an armchair in front of the fire "We'll tell you all later, it's not that big of a deal, but Tyler and I decided that everyone should know what's going on." I raised an eyebrow at this but didn't say anything. 

"Josh, Patrick and I are fine." Tyler said, curling into a ball in Josh's lap. "We just need a little time out of this cabin." 

Brendon nodded and started making a fire, so I sat in a rocking chair with a book.

I looked over the pages to see all our sleeping friends, Brendon lighting the fire, and Josh feeding Tyler skittles.

"You know what we should do?" I say suddenly and they look up

"What Ry?" Brendon asks, sitting down with a comic book 

"We should go camping." I suggest quietly. Josh's eyes light up, Brendon raises an eyebrow, and Tyler nods. 

"Sure why not?" He says and Josh smiles enthusiastically.

"When I was an Eagle Scout, we went camping ALL the time. I can pitch a tent-" 

"No you can't." Tyler snorts and Josh's face goes bright red. Brendon giggles and I roll my eyes 

"Cash me outside how bow dat?" Josh says in a street voice and Brendon doubles over in laughter. I collapse in a fit of giggles and Josh sulks.

"All these hoes laughin like somethin funny..." he mutters and Tyler just pecks his cheek

"I'm KIDDING..." he drags the word out and kisses his cheek "you proved that statement wrong about seven minutes ago." My blush returns, and Brendon giggles again. 

"Ok so, should we tell the others?" I ask and Josh shrugs 

"Let's wait for them to wake up. I mean, Patrick is still knocked out so god only know how long that'll take." He says it nonchalantly, despite my confused expression. 

"Well talk tonight at dinner." Tyler says and I glance at the clock. It was almost four. We've been either sleeping, fighting, or making out all day, I'm glad I proposed an actual activity. I was actually going to kill someone if we had to stay in this cabin one more day. Not that it wasn't comfortable, but when there's nine boys in a room together it's hard to get some alone time. Sometimes I just wanna jack off without Brendon wanting to join me. Sometimes I DON'T want to share my lucky charms with Patrick.

After about fifteen minutes of reading and watching Joshler being sickeningly adorable, Pete and the others finally wake up. 

"Hey guys G'mornin." Brendon hummed as they walked around, putzing in the room. 

"Hey Ty, you feeling better?" Pete asked and Tyler nodded, not saying anything. 

"I'm sorry Patrick." He muttered and Patrick just raised an eyebrow 

"What are you talking about?" He asked and Tyler just shook his head

"If you don't remember then that's better than reminding you." Patrick didn't say another word.

We were in a circle in front of Brendon's fire, all well rested and happy. Patrick was surprisingly giddy, despite being slapped three hours ago. The fire was blazing and we were all sipping on cans of Red Bull Tyler had under his bed.

"So whatya think?" I asked after proposing my idea to the rest of them.

"Wolves?" Dallon asked nervously and I laughed 

"there aren't any wolves around here Dal." He relaxed at my reassurance. 

"What about supplies?" Andy asked and I just shrugged

"I bet they have loads of stuff in the storage closets, right Brendon?" 

He nodded "yeah I saw a bunch of tents and sleeping bags in the E.T room, by the way guys that place is sick."

"As frick" Tyler whispered to Josh and I choose to ignore it. 

"Yeah we'll show you guys the whole building after we go camping. Josh'll be able to teach us Boy Scout shit and it'll just be great!" I say extremely hopeful for tomorrow night. We had decided to get everything together in the morning, then leave for the woods about three. 

"Sounds like a plan." Patrick nodded "I'll grab us food before we leave, the well all get our separate bags to carry." 

Pete interrupts "aren't there grounds to camp at about a mile out?" He asked and Josh nodded

"I saw a sign about that on our first day in the cafeteria." "Let's go ask Sarah if we can before dinner." I grin again, this was going to be great.

(Brendon's POV) 

This was going to be horrible. We "all" decided on camping out for two nights and three days. THREE DAYS! Three whole days with no running water, beds, or showers. This was going to be a shitshow and I know it. How could we fuck in a tent? I mean really? I thought to myself, this whole camping thing is going to be a lot more difficult than I had anticipated. We are only going to be able to bring a certain amount of food, and there's no reception AT ALL. Not to mention sleeping on the cold hard ground, I'm going to need to find a way to make this interesting.

(Josh's POV)

This was going to be amazing! A Whole three days out in nature with my boyfriend and my best friends. Well, not "boyfriend" yet I hadn't asked him to be, but I will really soon. Three whole days filled with survival and adventure, not to mention being able to show off my skills. I already knew about tents, cooking food, making water drinkable, and making sure we're safe. I honestly can't wait for to tomorrow. I sat bouncing my knee with Tyler on my lap jiggling and laughing as if he was a baby. I was just thinking about all the fun we were going to have and all the memories we were going to make. 

(Tyler's POV) 

I was excited about the IDEA of camping, just not the reality. I was especially nervous about the wilderness. I know we'll be in tents and stuff, but I still had a reoccurring thought about animals and hunters and blurry. What if he came while we were away from the infirmary, what would we do? I know Josh knows what he's doing but I guess we all have to just wait and see. It's not that I'm dreading it, on the contrary. I really wanna do this, I'm just a little anxious.


	30. Morning Confessions and Packing

(Josh's POV) 

"SARAH" Ryan yelled as we entered the cafeteria. I was immediately hit with the strong scent of southern comfort food, which is exactly what we needed due to just trudging all the way here in the rain. 

"Yes Ross?" She asked, coming in from the back kitchen 

"We want to go camping, can we please? He begs with glassy puppy eyes. 

"Camping?" She asks with a raised eyebrow

"Yeah like tents and shit." Ryan clarifies and she smiles

"Ok, um...I guess, but you'd have to stay on the grounds." She nods slowly, thinking. 

"Hold on, I'm gonna ask Mark." She says, walking into the back again.

Ryan turns to us "I'm pretty sure this is gonna work so be prepared. If he says no, we go anyway." I roll my eyes 

We sit down in our usual booth after getting our food. There was only quiet chewing and the patter of rain on the windows

"Hey," Brendon whispers to me and I turn to face him. 

"Hey." I say in response spooning mashed potatoes into my mouth

"How have you been holding up...with the ticks?" He says under his breath and I shrug, rubbing against Tyler's shoulder

"I don't know, it's been a nuisance but I haven't freaked out yet." He nods and takes a sip of iced tea. 

"Just so you know I talked to Ryan," Ryan looks up "you don't have to take my medicine anymore." 

I don't notice it but the table gets quieter. 

I wish I had noticed it. 

"Josh." I look up at Ryan

"Yeah..."' I mumble, looking at my plate.

"Were you taking Brendon's medicine all this time?" His tone is shocked, with a hint of disappointment.

I don't know what to say so I just look up and make eye contact. His whiskey eyes look into mine and I know that he's sees it all. 

"Not all this time!" Brendon intervenes "only for like two days!" I look down again like a guilty dog and I feel Tyler's hand on my back

"I'm sorry Ty." 

"Don't be sorry, I knew." He says it quietly and my mind goes blank. He knew?

"How'd you know?" I whisper and he takes another bite of his beef stew 

"You were twitching all day and wringing your hands and shit. Shifty eyes, couldn't focus on your drawing, the sings were there and you and Brendon were being super strange so it wasn't that hard to figure out." I sigh, was it really that obvious? I thought I was playing it cool.

"You knew?" Ryan asks Tyler and he nods "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Because," Tyler says with a sad face "I knew you and Brendon were going to fight and I didn't want to make it worse." 

Ryan and Brendon's mouths are hanging open. Does Tyler have like telekinesis or some shit? 

"How do you know all this?" I yell and he flinches 

"You can tell if you really watch people. When you focus, you can tell what they are hiding and what they want to get off their chest. Ryan and brendon had a lot of pent up anger and when they came inside yesterday you could tell they resolved it." 

Tyler was literally a fucking phsycic.

"Wow, just...wow." Brendon breathes 

"I read a lot, my therapists used to always read my mind and it would piss me off so I leaned how to do it by reading books on phsycology." 

"Tyler what the fuck?" I laugh and he giggles 

"It's really not that hard to tell when someone's uncomfortable." He says wisely 

"That's so cool man, I wish I read books but I'm too lazy." Pete says between gobbles of stew.

"Same." Brendon agrees and wipes his face with his sleeve.

"What am I thinking about right now?" I ask with a smirk and he chuckles 

"I'm not a phsycic Josh," he says "but if I had to guess...me?" 

I blush, I was thinking about him. He looked so cute all huddled in the booth drinking lemonade with two hands. Being so modest about himself.

"You ARE magic!" I laugh and he leans on my shoulder 

"I don't have to be magic to know that you're always thinking about me." He says and I roll my eyes and suck on my bottom lip.

"Let me try..." I say and examine his face. He gets off my shoulder and looks into my eyes. He has no expression besides a small smile tugging at his cheeks.

"You are thinking about..." I say rubbing my temples "about how you wish Bren and Ryan hadn't come in." 

He giggles again, rolling his eyes dramatically and stabbing a piece of meat "you got me!" He sings, waving the piece of beef around. "I wish we had gotten more time!" I laugh and Ryan looks slightly sorry.

"Don't worry Tyty we'll make up for it," I say with a wink "don't you worry your pretty little head." He blushes, eating the piece of meat and chewing for a long time. I watch him as he does so with hungry eyes, and he pretends not to see me, a smirk on his closed mouth.

"Hey guys!" Sarah says, plopping down at the end of the booth "Eshleman says yes, as long as it's only three days and you stay in the regulated camping grounds. We'll set all your stuff up and have you ready to go by tomorrow morning so get a lot of sleep tonight." She ruffles Brendon's hair and leaves the table. Brendon's eyes follow her as she leaves with a smile but then turns to Ryan and kisses his cheek.

"Aw sweet, we don't have to do any work!" Pete exclaimes and I laugh at his apparent laziness. Camping was about doing the work yourself. Then again, it would be nice to have someone pack, that's always a drag.

"Yeah thank god." Brendon sighs. 

"So is everyone ready? Should we go back to the cabin and pack our stuff? Patrick asks 

"Yeah sure." Ryan nods and we clear our places, thanking the chefs before grabbing umbrellas only to realize that the rain had stopped. There were still clouds in the sky, but you could see the soft shine of stars peeking out through the mafic fluff. 

"thank god the storm is over." I sigh, reaching up into the night sky as if I was trying to grab a star.

"I like storms." Tyler says quietly "they let me know that even the sky, screams sometimes." I look over at him and smile slightly. He was so damn cute. Broken, but cute.

Brendon was humming a song loudly as we tromped through the drying mud back to the cabin. The summer humidity was creeping back after the cold front, so I made a mental note to pack plenty of shorts and boxers. Pete stomped in puddles and Dallon was nowhere to be seen. I shrugged it off, holding hands with Ty in the darkness. Cabins lining the dirt path illuminated our way with lanterns on the porches. Some kids I recognized sat in rocking chairs reading or playing video games.

Back at our cabin, Andy made another fire and we were all packing away clothes and other necessities for the next three days.

I packed my NASA shirt, my legends never die tank, and a Columbus OH shirt I stole from my brother Jordan. I watched as Tyler packed a few tanks and a button up shirt. He shoved a Journal on the front pocket of his red backpack and sat on the bunk thinking of what else to bring. After folding three pairs of shorts and boxers I shoved bags of candy and a Polaroid camera into a small backpack. Tyler's eyes followed my hands as I pulled the "protection" out of the bottom of my dresser and put it in the smallest compartment of the bag. I heard his breath hitch but I just smirked and ignored it. Just in case, I thought to myself, just in case. He pulled a pocket knife out from his mattress and I made a mental note to hide it from him.

(Tyler's POV) 

I tried to ignore it when Josh pulled out the condoms but I couldn't look away. I knew he saw me and he heard my breathing quicken but he didn't say anything. Suddenly I got a plan, a naughty one, but that doesn't really matter. If he thought we were going to be doing that then fine, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have to work for it. I dismissed the thought, putting it in storage, turned away and pulled out a Swiss Army knife. I deposited it in my bag for emergencies. I was sure Josh would take it out but I didn't care, not even Blurry was going to ruin these next few days.

Patrick and Ryan were in charge of packing important stuff like matches, toiletries, and bug spray, but Sarah and Breezy were getting out sleeping bags, pots, and tents for us. We go to bed around nine thirty that night, anxious about tomorrow but still fairly excited for what's to come.

By ten forty five I was still restless, tossing and turning on my bunk and huffing in annoyance. I couldn't fall asleep. It was too dark and I was too cold. This happened almost every night but most of the time I was just too tired to think about it. I hugged my pillow and crammed my eyes shut but it just wasn't working out. Finally, I crept out of bed as quietly as I could, and took a step over to Josh's bunk. Hesitantly, I pulled his sheets off slowly and crawled in bed with him, positioning myself as the little spoon and bringing my legs up to my chest. After I pulled the blankets back on top of us, I felt a strong arm wrap around my chest and pull me closer, pressing my body against his bare chest. He was warm, a lot warmer than me, despite being shirtless and pants less. I could hear his slightly stuffy nose in my neck and his ragged breathing as he slept through his allergies and I sighed, closing my eyes and falling asleep feeling safe and warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just tryto imagine me writing that ending paragraph alone in bed while listening to Live in Chicago, more specifically Behind the Sea. Try not to cry, I'm already doing it for you.
> 
> (Btw if you wanna do a meet the author I'd be glad to share some stuff abt myself with you guys)


	31. "Accidents" and Coverups

(Tyler's POV) 

I wake up early in the morning and glance at the clock through droopy eyes. It was only eight o clock. I scan the room without getting up and see that no one is awake yet. I decide that it would just be easier to go to my own bed and to not make it awkward. The last thing I need is teasing at eight in the morning. 

I then realize that Josh's chin is on my shoulder and leaving is going to be far more difficult than in imagined. As I become more aware of my position I now know that The heavy limb cradling my chest belongs to Josh, and now it's gone from level one to a boss battle. I sigh and start to scoot as far away as I can without waking him and as I approach the end of the bed. I'm thinking about just rolling off onto the floor. It's not a far drop, and I won't make that much notice because there is a carpet. 

Just as I start to brace myself for the fall, I hear Josh huff in irritation before pulling me back to him. He could tell even in his sleep that I was trying to leave and he wasn't going to let that happen. His muscular arm dragging my frame back into his, fitting our bodies together like a puzzle, or a ying yang. If I wasn't trying to escape I would've thought this was incredibly cute, but I'm being held hostage by Josh Dun, and I'm not sure I want to leave now. I roll my eyes at how dramatic I was being. Who cares if I got in bed with him because I couldn't sleep? I know it was childish but I really couldn't fall asleep and I needed a good rest before all the walking today. 

I feel his thumb wander to my shoulder, tracing over the tattoos with ease, even in his sleep. I press myself into his stomach, curling into a ball once again. His breathing is steady and soft, his knees are brought up under my thighs, getting as close as he physically can. He hums a melody in his sleep. I can't make it out but soon enough I feel my eyelids drooping again and even though I want to escape, I cant deny my body leaving my once more.

(Josh's POV) 

My body jerks awake at I'm guessing about twelve in the morning. I forget where I am for a second but then I remember I'm in bed in the cabin. But who's next to me? I tense for a minute, I don't think I fucked anyone tonight. God I hope I didn't forget that if I did. The person I'm spooning is trembling softly and I realize it's Tyler. I can tell by the sweet scent and the feeling of his scratchy t shirt. Tyler always tells me about his nightmares and how cold he gets. He had also told me a few weeks ago not to be surprised if he breaks into my hospital room in the middle of the night. He's either cold or scared, I couldn't tell but I put my arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer to me so that he was pressed against my stomach.

I'd be lying if I say I hate sleeping with him. Sure, the bed is small but he's warm and cuddly and I'd be happy to do this every night if he wanted to. He stops shaking when I embrace him tighter and I breathe in the scent of his hair. It smells like watermelon kid's shampoo and I smile, closing my eyes once more before falling back to sleep. 

The next time I awake it's about nine. I look over his shoulder to look at the analog clock and sigh. Tyler is still far gone with his mouth open slightly and his eyes closed peacefully. I sit up a little trying not to disturb a still sleeping Tyler and see the others sleeping, except for Patrick and Pete, I can see their heads sitting out on the porch basking in the morning sun. The storm was officially over. I lay back down and gasp. My brain buzzes to life, leaving the groggy morning thoughts aside. No, no no not right now are you kidding me? I try to turn on my back but Tyler is holding onto my wrist. We are still fucking spooning and I don't want to wake him. Ohhhhh fuck. 

We are still spooning and I can feel my face and ears going from thirty to a hundred degrees in a second. If I could see myself I'd laugh at my red face and tense body language. I slap my free hand to my forehead and try my best not to press against Tyler because that's just gross and a little weird. I curse internally at my body because why the hell would you be aroused at nine in the morning? I'm not a fucking thirteen year old anymore! Of course I can't pop a fucking boner when it matters, but I do when it's completely unneeded!

I hear Tyler's breathing become shaky and he yawns. Fuck, no, he's waking up. I consider knocking him,out but quickly dismiss the violent thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck...I think to myself. He's gonna be creeped out, he's gonna laugh, everyone's gonna laugh oh shit, Oh shit oh shit. His breathing stutters again and he starts to scoot back into my stomach. Oh Tyler noooooo I think to myself as he presses against me once more, stopping when he feels it. 

"fuck." I whisper, face palming as quietly as possible. Maybe he's still asleep, God I hope he's still asleep.

"fuck is right." He whispers and my brain stops immediately. He sounds impressed? 

I make emabarassingly needy sound at the back of my throat and he flips over so we are facing each other

"Morning, glory" he whispers seductively and I almost melt. This morning literally went from 1 to 100 in about two minutes. 

"Morning, Ty" I repeat and he smiles, burying his face in the pillow 

"How much time do we have before everyone wakes up?" His words are muffled in the pillow and I'm not sure I hear them correctly 

"Wait what?" I ask and he turns to me with a weird look 

"Don't you want me to help with that?" I raise an eyebrow in honest surprise. Tyler Joesph, just asked me if I wanted "help" with that.

"O-of course I do, but Pete and Patrick are right outside." I motion towards the window and he doesn't say anything 

"What do you think'll happen Josh?" He asks me with a smile 

"I don't wanna get caught doing somethin.." I mutter 

"The others are asleep though?" He asks and I nod, unsure of what he's going to do

"Josh..." he says in a sing song voice and I sigh in defeat and frustration 

"Are you just going to ignore it?" He says "honey it's perfectly natural." I roll my eyes and he giggles 

"I don't know, maybe I'll take a shower..." I trail off when I see how mad he looks 

"Take a shower?" He looks furious now and I have no idea why.

"What?" I ask 

"You said take a shower, do you think I won't know what'll happen while you're in the shower?" 

Oh.....he's mad because he wants to help...maybe I could drag this out a little if he wants to help so bad.

"Well I'd shower..." I say and he scowls 

"How would you fix it in the shower?" He asks and I shrug innocently.

"I'd fix it like I normally do." Did he just lick his lips? Oh my fucking god I can't take it anymore. 

"What do you normally do?" His eyes are dark and sexual. Now I really want Tyler to sleep with me more often.

"I... I think of you." I mumble and he sneers. I know this is what he's been waiting to hear. 

"Oh?" He asks as if he didn't know that already and my boxers tighten even more. Of course he fucking notices. Hi eyes dart down then back up to mine.

"Mmmmm" he hums and looks around once more before climbing on top of me, straddling my crotch and kissing me.

"G' mornin." He says again, wrapping his arms around my neck and I moan softly 

"What happened to not wanting to get caught?" He asks "you're always so vocal..." 

I close my eyes as he grinds against my lap. I can barely function I'm so fucking turned on. So much for going back to sleep.

He buries his head in my collarbone and sucks as he ruts against me. My eyes roll back in my head and I grab his ass.

"Uh uh." He says, pulling my hair back "no touching me I can't get one." I can see why. We were scheduled to leave in an hour and he doesn't want to deal with that all day. I promise to help him tonight after we go to bed. I can't even imagine how much energy it's taking him to fight arousal right now because I'm literally falling apart right in front of him. 

"Ty....." I breathe out and he shushes me 

"You want help now?" He asks snarkily and there's absolutely no way in hell I'd refuse now. That little bastard. This was his dirty little plan all along. 

"Yes please..." I breathe out

"Thank you for asking nicely..." he teases, pulling the comforter higher up our chests. 

"Here, put this on, I have a plan." He hands me a shirt so I pull it on as fast as I can, and he straightens his hair and pulls on a pair of shorts before climbing back in bed 

"These are so it's less obvious." He says a matter of factly, and leans on my shoulder, his left hand holding a book, his right hand under the sheets inching up my thigh. What the fuck was going on? I had no idea, but he was acting so calm and casual while I unraveled next to him. 

Just as his hand found what it was looking for, Ryan woke up and walked into the bathroom. I fought back a yelp when Tyler ran his fingertips against me. Just then Brendon got up as well and reached for his phone, glancing at us and realizing we were awake.

"Oh good morning guys." He said and Tyler smiled. I though he was going to stop but boy was I wrong. 

"Morning Bren, how'd you sleep?" My eyes widened as I realized what he was going to do. And honestly I applauded him for it. This was a good idea, a dangerous one, but that was part of it. The risk of getting caught.

"Good, how bout you guys?" He asked and Tyler started rubbing me in slow pulling motions.

"I had a night terror, so I snuck in with Josh." He said with a smile, rubbing his face against my stubble

"That sucks..." Brendon sighs, looking over his phone at me "you ok Josh? You look a little pale." 

I shake my head and act as normally as I can "My allergies are acting up." He scrunched his face in disgust 

"Oh I hate when that happens." Ryan exits the bathroom and puts on a new shirt and shorts. 

"Anyone want me to grab them something from the cafeteria?" He asks pulling on shoes.

"I'll go with," Brendon says and Tyler starts rubbing faster, sitting with his knees up

"Can you get me a granola bar, apple juice and a donut?" Tyler asks and Ryan nods 

"How bout you Josh?" He asks and I start to say something but Tyler rubs his thumb over my slit and my eye roll back slightly 

"U-Um...can y-you get me some cereal!" I yell and he nods suspiciously. 

"Ok....um, anyone else?" He yells and looks around the room. Andy and Joe of course had earbuds in again, and Brendon just shooed him away

"Be quiet dude Dal was up late last night with Breezy..." if I wasn't about to come I would've raised an eyebrow at that statement.

"K guys we'll be back soon," Ryan said and Tyler started nonchalantly jerking his wrist faster "try and get your stuff together before we leave." I nod as fast as I possibly can, and Tyler just yawns as if he's not giving me a fucking handjob right that second. 

The door shuts and I moaned outright, Tyler pressing his lips to mine.

"God fucking damn that was so hot." He breathes into my hair, rubbing me faster and I started panting softly. 

"Tyler...ugh...fuck...ngh..." how could he a fucking virgin and still be this good? Why was he like this all the sudden? He was NEVER this horny...ever.

"Shhhh shhh...daddy don't wake them up," he was being submissive now and I fucking loved it. 

"Can you last any longer?" He asked sweetly, rubbing the slit with a petal soft thumb 

"I...don't...k-k-know." I said and he started rolling his palm along the shaft. Warmness crept up my spine and I was sure I was leaking on his hand. 

"Doesn't look like your gonna." He tuts "whatta shame, I put on chapstick last night." 

Fuck. Why did he have to say that now I'm picturing him smirking at me from between my thighs and I don't think I can hold it anymore. 

"Ty...I'm gonna...um..." 

"Go ahead daddy" he purrs and I just let it all go. He continues until I stop shaking and goes into the bathroom to clean his arm off. 

"Fucking hell..." I breathe and he peeks his head around the door frame 

"Thanks for letting me sleep with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone want a vile of holy water? It's obvious I'm not using it sooo...


	32. Breakfast and Beginning the Journey

(Tyler's POV)

After I was done"playing" with Josh I went out onto the deck with Pete and Patrick. Dallon woke up soon after and sat with us in a rocking chair across from me.

"Where's Josh?" Patrick asked me

"He's taking a shower." I said with a slight chuckle 

"Oh ok." Patrick said, turning his focus to Dallon. "So Dal, how was Breezy last night?" 

He grins, running thin fingers through his floppy hair. "It was great man, we hung out in the kitchen by ourselves, made hot chocolate, talked, and then kissed. It was so amazing." 

I had to admit, their budding relationship was adorable. If Brendon or any of the others had gotten their way with her then she'd already be pregnant and I applauded Dallon for how considerate and gentle he was. Granted, Josh was that way as well but he did have ways of telling me "dude, I can't keep jacking off by myself." 

The talk transitioned from Breezy to camping then to me, then apologizing to Patrick and soon Ryan and Brendon were walking towards us with armfuls of food.

"Eat up children." Brendon said and dropped the food on the outdoor coffee table.

"Thanks man." I said and reached for a glazed donut out of the small plastic container. 

It wasn't long until Andy and Joe smelled food so they joined us outside. It was actually a perfect day. It wasn't too hot, and the ground had dried up nicely. The sun wasn't too bright and very few clouds speckled the bright blue sky.

"Funny how this place turns so much." I comment between bites and Ryan nods

"Yeah it really is on and off...I listened to the radio and there shouldn't be another storm until next week." 

That was good to hear, I thought to myself as I sipped on my apple juice. I used to drink it all the time when I was younger but my mom replaced it with cranberry juice when I was about eleven because it was healthier. 

Once we were all settled in the talk soon went back to Dallon because Andy, Joe and Ryan wanted to know the details. I ate another donut and waited for Josh to get out of the shower. 

After about five minutes Josh appeared in the doorway and made a beeline for his Reese's puffs. He was still dripping wet and only wearing a towel but it didn't phase him at all.

"Thanks dude I was starving." He said immediately pouring milk into a small blue bowl. 

"How was your shower?" I ask with a raised eyebrow "you clean?" I know it was a little inappropriate to ask that in front of others but he didn't seem to mind. 

"Yeah it was really nice, refreshing." He says and spoons another bite into his mouth, dripping milk onto his chin. I reached forward and wiped it off, giving him a toothy smile.

"Thanks mom." He said and I just laughed, taking a big gulp of my delicious golden liquid. Smiling as the sugar rushed down my throat.

"Why don't you ever dry off?" I ask and he smirks "you know it drives me crazy!" 

"That's why I do it." He snickers "why do you drink Red Bull in the shower?" He retaliates 

"That was one time!" I giggle, throwing my hands up "you NEVER dry off."

"I like to let Mother Nature do her work..." he says, taking another bite. I mumble something under my breath that sounds a lot like a dick joke and he raises an eyebrow. 

"What was that?" He asks and I tilt my head, motioning to the other people watching us talk.

"Oh ok." He giggles and turns to say something to Pete." 

I sit and observe the others. Patrick's eating a banana and Joe is laughing at the way he's eating it. I roll my eyes and continue. Ryan is being fed a piece of pop tart by a smiling Brendon and Dallon is pretending to throw up as he munches on a granola bar. Andy is staring of into space and Pete and Josh are deep in discussion about some inside joke I know nothing about. I sigh and look back out onto the horizon. The lake was sparking with morning light and people were just staring to come out of their cabins and start their daily activities. 

I hummed and drummed my fingers on the side of my chair, before wandering back inside the room to change. I washed my face in the bathroom, put on deodorant, and tried to brush my hair. Tried. After flexing in the mirror for a good thirty seconds I went back into the room and picked through Josh's clothes before finding a good shirt that smelled the most like him. I know it's cheesy to put on your significant other's clothes but I didn't care. I changed into a pair of basketball shorts before realizing that I had a little "problem" I rolled my eyes in annoyance and blushed even though I shouldn't have, after deciding whether it was really that urgent or not, I proceeded to take care of it myself in the bathroom. When I was done I zipped up my backpack and put it out on the porch. 

The porch was quieter now and I sat down next to josh who was side eyeing me over his bowl as he drank the chocolate milk out of it.

"What's wrong Ty?" Josh asked me when I sat back down "you look flushed."

I didn't respond, only shook my head with a confused face.

"Tyler?" 

"I'm fine Josh, do I look wierd?" I knew if I sounded self conscious he'd drop it and sure enough he did 

"No no you look fine just a little red." I felt my cheek. Fuck. The high had made my blood pressure rise

"No I'm fine...I washed my face." He looked skeptical, before raising an eyebrow in knowing suspicion.

"Ty...." he mumbled while the others were distracted "you couldn't wait till tonight?" I shook my head slowly 

"Sorry." 

"No don't be sorry...it's my fault I'm too hot." I rolled my eyes and sniggered.

"Yeah sure it had nothing to do with the fact that I just gave you a handjob twenty minutes ago." I said in a snarky hushed tone and he winked 

"Yeah it had nothing to do with that." 

I rocked in the chair slowly, whistling a tune while he watched me with a weirdly maternal smile. 

"So," Ryan said suddenly, standing up "Sarah told us to bring our bags down to the cafeteria and they'd give us the tents and such." 

"Ok," I said hopping up and grabbing mine "I've got mine." 

Soon enough everyone had theirs and we were stumbling down to the cafeteria. When we got there we were met by Sarah and Breezy, who handed us a map and four ginormous backpacks. 

"Each of those bags has one and two sleeping bags. I think there might be one smaller tent as well if someone wants to go solo...so five tents and nine sleeping bags" Breezy said, putting one on Dallon. "Here you go strong boy." She patted his head and I grinned at how cute they were. 

Andy, Joe, and Josh each took a pack because they were the strongest and I took Josh's backpack from him so he wouldn't have to carry two. We started towards the trail, Patrick reading the map and before long we were at the edge of the woods, staring into the never ending foliage with wonder and excitement 

"Ready guys?" Pete asked and I nodded 

"Alright then, no turning back let's go!" He yelled before sprinting into the shrubbery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a 4/15 on my science test someone kill me plz...its literally the BEGINNING of the fucking semester now my whole grade is at 47% wtf...angst induced chapters coming soon to a laptop near you


	33. Starting the journey and Setting Up

(Josh's POV) 

"Pete hold on this is heavy!" I yell as he runs ahead of us, tripping on a root and face planting. We all stand in muted shock as he just lays there with his face in the dirt.

"...fuck." he mumbles into the dirt and gets back to his feet "That was a promising start to the weekend." 

Brendon starts cracking up and I join along. Patrick rushes over to help him get up but Pete's more focused on his hair.

As we started walking deeper into the woods I began to see things I didn't notice before. There was a lot of cardinals as well as finches fluttering above, and I even saw one fly into a nest. I've always been a big nature fan, and I was really into astrology in high school, which inspired my colorful tattoo sleeve. We tromped along the mossy forest floor dodging roots and trunks, following the thin winding trail in a straight line. I watched the back of Tyler's head as we walked in silence before Patrick spoke up.

"Ok so when we get there, we are going to set up our stuff, decide who sleeps with who, then prepare a fire for later but we won't light it. " 

I nod in agreement "When are we having lunch?"

Ryan laughs "Josh we just ate!"

"I know," I say with a grin "Just planning ahead of time I'm a growing boy."

Brendon chuckles at this and shakes his head. We are enveloped once again in silence and it's almost like I can hear running water.

"Do you hear that?" I ask and everyone shakes their heads 

"No...what?" Ryan asks and I just shake my head 

"Nothing never mind."

After about thirty minutes of endless walking Patrick says we are about a mile into the woods. 

"How much more then?" Brendon asks impatiently, rubbing his neck wincing from the backpack

"About another two miles," Brendon groans "Bren it's your fault you packed so much." He just rolls his eyes.

Patrick is in the front, with Pete behind him. Brendon and Ryan can walk side by side behind him since they are small and aren't carrying big bags. Tyler is behind the two of them and I'm leading Dallon, Andy and Joe.

Tyler huffs as he walks, obviously still tired from this morning and he's fidgeting with the bags. I roll my eyes with a smile and pat his head. He looks over his shoulder and gives me a crooked smile.

"Only two more miles Ty it's not that long, enjoy the nature." I say like a mom convincing her kid to enjoy a car trip.

"I know but these are heavy and I need a red bull..." he whines, twitching his head.

"there's one in my backpack." I sigh and his eyes light up before he turns his head away and starts frantically digging through my bag in search of the drink. After thirty seconds he pulls out the silver can and cracks the metal tab. his walking slows as he guzzles the drink down and he tips his head back to get out every drop.

"Yeah no problem I didn't want a sip." I say sarcastically and he gives me a sympathetic look and shrugs. 

"Sorry." I roll my eyes and bite my lip, pushing him forward as to speed him up.

"You owe me, that was an emergency bull." I say dramatically. Honestly, I just threw it in last minute for when I needed to "stay up" and I could care less if he drank it or not.

"last time I checked, you owed ME.' He says still looking ahead and I'm glad he is because I was burning up at the memory.

"Oh right..." I say casually, hiding the edge in my voice 

"Oh right." He says in a teasing tone. I suck on my bottom lip and he turns around.

"Is that your new thing?" He asks, slightly annoyed but still smiling "The biting of your lip?" 

My teeth release the skin for their clutches and it pops out of my mouth "I've always done that." 

He smirks and rolls his eyes "Ok." 

He puts the can back in the mesh pocket of my backpack in favor of littering which I smile at.

I hear a loud noise, like a bomb falling from the sky and I look up to see an airplane through the canopy, soaring across the sky leaving a trail of white fluff behind it. 

"That scared me." Ryan mumbles and covers his ears "God that's loud." 

" I won't fall in love with falling..." Tyler hums with his face directed to the plane, his eyes following it as it flies above us.

"That's pretty." I say and he smiles 

"You're pretty." now it seems that there is never a time when I'm NOT blushing, because even before my body temperature could lower it's already back up again.

I trudge through the dirt path kicking pine needles around and sighing whimsically. Tyler turns back to me and raises an eyebrow 

"Your welcome?" he asks expectantly

"Oh, thanks!" I say hurriedly. I had been so flattered that I forgot to say thank you.

"Got your tongue tied do I Josh? Are your knees weak?" he asks with a smug grin

"haha..." I say sarcastically. I step forward in a flash and slap his ass. 

He jumps with a yelp, then looks over his shoulder to shoot daggers at me with his eyes. I just shrug with the most innocent look I can muster. 

"What?" I ask and he just scoffs and turns back around. I do it again. 

He yelps again like a puppy, then spins around to face me. 

"Josh." he growls with his eyes dark "Don't test me, I'm willing to take you down." I raise an eyebrow in false suspicion and raise my hand. He cowers, crying out "I'm sorry."

I giggle, taking humor in his fright and he pouts "that's not funny." He scowls. I take a chance while the group is distracted 

"You drank my red bull." 

"I gave you a handjob." 

"You drank my red bull."

"It could be a very lonely three days..."

I stop arguing and he looks over his shoulder with his signature smirk. 

"I thought as much." 

Hormones.

(Tyler's POV) 

I knew I had him with that statement. It could in fact, be a very long three days if we fought. I had assumed we were sharing a tent so fighting should be avoided early on. But blackmail wasn't frowned upon.

we came upon a opening in the forest about two miles in. There were large tree trunks big enough to lay in and have the tree kinda hug you. As we walked through this opening I heard a noise.

"Does anyone hear that?" I asked. It sounded like really loud wind, and something crashing repeatedly.

"I do." Josh said behind me. "I've heard it for like fifteen minutes."

"Oh..." i say, craning my neck to hear better.

"PATRICK!" I yell and he spins around a few feet in front of me.

"God, what!?" he asks, clutching his heart "what?" 

"Is there anything on that map that explains the noise we hear?" I ask and he looks down. the group stops moving.

"umm, there aren't any building close to us... but it says there's a waterfall. Oh, it must be the one I heard about our first day."

My ears immediately perk up at this. waterfall?

Brendon seems to be taking the same interest "WHERE is it?" he asks, tapping Patrick's head repeatedly. 

"It's...um, a little up north, then when we reach the campsite, east." 

"Come again?" Brendon cocks his head.

"We'll look for it after we set up camp." Ryan says, getting the group moving again.

"So if we can hear the waterfall does that mean we're getting closer?" Josh calls from behind me. 

"Yeah, we are about a quarter mile away." Patrick says, looking at his compass. 

"nerd." Pete coughs but Patrick doesn't hear him. I snicker quietly.

My vans crunch older dead leaves from the previous fall deeper into the ground and I catch myself repeatedly inhaling. What is it about these goddamn trees? Perhaps it was the childhood tree house, I try to remind myself. that was fun while it lasted. Before I burned it down. before I passed out and got a mild case of Bronchitis. I shiver at the memory and cough randomly, triggering reflexes I wish I never had acquired. 

Hiking the bag up on my shoulders, I grasp Josh's with two hands in front of me. getting closer to the campsite made me more nervous every step I took. Did I pack enough medication? What if I get scared and Josh isn't there? Just as I was pondering going back, I heard a girl scream. But it wasn't a girl, it was just Brendon. 

"AHHHHHH!" he yelled, practically jumping into a shocked Ryan's arms. 

"WHAT, WHAT?" Ryan yelled, Pete and Patrick spun around

"S-S-S...SNAKE!" Brendon screams, pointing to one of the biggest snakes I've ever seen. 

"HOLY SHIT!" Josh yells, jumping back and I stood paralyzed in fear staring down the huge brown snake. It was a dark mustard color, with brown undertones and thick dark splotches on it's back.

"TYLER MOVE!" Josh yells, trying to push me forward because the guys in front of me were already sprinting away up the trail.

"I...I...I-" I couldn't finish because Josh picked me up, despite the immense amount of weight, and jogged past the snake, moving to the side so the other's could move ahead of us.

"What the hell?" he asks, cheeks tinted from the sudden workout. 

"the-the-snake..." I trailed off, breathing heavily.

"your words," Josh encourages like a mom "use your words." 

I catch my breath and start walking again. "That was a r-rattlesnake. They're poisoning you know." I look over at him and he nods nervously. 

Once I was finally composed we caught up with the others, and saw them looking at a sign.

"what is it?" Josh asked, looking over their shoulders

"The site is down that path." Ryan says, pointing to the right.

"Whatever you say dude." Patrick sighs, following Ryan to the right down a wider path, that looked a lot more recently used then the one we previously trekked up.

After another ten minutes we came to a much larger clearing, the ground was packed down and there were remains of previous fires and a few beer cans littering the forest floor.

"Classy." Dallon mumbles, picking up the cans and throwing them away in a bin next to us. I threw away the red bull can and took off my backpack, dropping it to the floor along with Josh's.

"so, let's get started?" Patrick asks, setting his stuff down "we need to decide who bunks with who." 

"How many tents are there again?" Josh asks to my relief. I didn't want to share with anyone but him and he knew that.

"umm, Breezy said five tents?" he says, scratching his head. 

"Ok, so Ty and I in one, you and Pete in another, Brendon and Ryan in the third, Andy and Joe in the fourth, and Dallon can have the fifth since he's so freakishly tall." josh says it all in one breath and I exhale just watching him talk that fast. Dallon giggles at Josh's insult, and seems happy about having his own tent.

"Sounds like a plan." Ryan says, taking a tent. Josh looks over and winks at me and I just turn away to hide my big ass grin. It's not long until I feel hands around my waist and a face in the crook of my neck.

"hello." josh sings in my ear, his breath tickling the hairs on the back of my neck. 

"Hi." I say shyly, trying to get away.

"Why so timid little one? Did you forget that daddy just saved you from the big mean snake?" I laugh and he pulls me closer

"Thanks." I say quietly and he gets closer to my ear 

"Thanks what?" He asks and I start to tremble as much as I wouldn't like to.

"Thanks...daddy." he squeezes my waist and pulls back 

"Not a lot of privacy here...gonna have to be creative." he winks and leaves me standing there, still shaking, to get our tent out of his bag. I'm really surprised no one noticed that moment but when I turned around I saw they were already setting up their tents.

Not to my surprise, Josh sets up our tent before anyone else is done, despite all of them getting a head start. He leaves me to set up the inside while he helps the other's pitch theirs. 

"Mother-god damn...BITCH!" I hear a jumble of curse spill from Brendon's mouth as he tries to insert the metal poles into the tent that keeps flopping down.

I hear him sigh from inside our tent and I peek out to see Josh fixing it easily. Josh Dun is a god send. Thank god for the boy scouts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had NO IDEA that there were rattlesnakes in PA. the more you know...*cue shooting star*


	34. Sleepy Boys and Backfired Plans

(Tyler's POV)

It was three o'clock by the time we were settled in. After two hours of Brendon and Pete cursing, Josh fixing everyone's mistakes, and unpacking the bottomless bags, we were all finally spent, laying on the forest floor.

"God damn that was harder then I imagined." Ryan sighs, running a hand through his hair.

"true that." Patrick agrees. 

"Why did we want to do this again?" Brendon asks and Josh laughs

"Because we needed to get out of that hell hole for a few days." the camp wasn't bad, it just got a little suffocating at times. By now, I was extremely anxious for the night and could barely focus on anything but how I was going to sleep tonight. I practiced Jenna's breathing exercises, and popped two Xanax pills before downing a bottle of water and sitting in a tree trunk, feeling safe surrounded by the hollow wood. 

We sat in a circle, the fire Andy made sitting unlit in the middle of of tent circle. It almost resembled some sort of seance. Josh and I's tent was farthest from the others, due to me telling him I didn't want to "wake others with my nightmares." he replied with a cocky "sure" before dragging it away from the others but still near them. 

"what are we gonna do?" Brendon asks, stretching out his legs. 

"Well we could either find the waterfall or take a nap before dinner." Ryan suggests, yawning.

"I opt for the second option," I reply sleepily "We can find the waterfall tomorrow. I'm going to pass out."

"same," Brendon sighs "I want to have energy for tonight, we need to kick this weekend off with some fun. Campfire games." he flashes a devious smile.

Josh giggles in what I guess is agreement, and I salute the boys before yawning again. it's wide and dragged out, making as much noise as humanly possible.

Ryan nods at me with a smile and I crawl away from them and get in the tent, not bothering to zip it up. 

I pushed my backpack into the corner before taking off my ripped jeans and putting on a looser shirt. I can hear the others talking so I take the chance to dig through Josh's bag, finding what I need and putting it in the pocket of my discarded jeans for later. Frantically putting the bag back I smirk to myself at my naughty plan, but I soon begin to nod off and I wiggle into my sleeping bag. Josh climbs into the tent seconds after and I feel myself smile with my eyes closed.

"G'night." He says and I just mumble at him, waving my arm weakly. he chuckles and I hear the clang of a belt, then the ruffle of a shirt, then a zipper. The light from outside is blocked from reaching us by the many leaves in the canopy, therefore making the perfect napping atmosphere. It wasn't dark, it was dim. Just like I like it. Our tent is about 6 feet wide and 7 feet long, room to spare but not much. We have two sleeping bags, that can open into huge blankets if unzipped all the way. i liked being in my own little nest, but I liked cuddling with Josh better.

My mind was starting to go fuzzy, drifting into a well deserved sleep when Josh speaks.

"Tyler?" I exhale loudly to let him know I'm listening.

"Did you go through my bag?" I sink slowly down farther into my sleeping bag out of guilt so he can't see me. 

"Tyler?" I exhale again.

"I asked you a question." I whimper quietly and he crawls forward and pulls the flap down, revealing my face so I can't hide.

"Did you take anything out of my bag?" He doesn't sound mad though, so I don't answer the question fully.

"did you need anything in particular?" I mumble, sounding too cocky to not be guilty.

"Tyler..." he growls, pressing his forehead to mine "What did you take out?"

I bite my lip and avoid his gaze, which is really hard mind you since our noses are touching.

"Guess." I say without emotion and he rolls his eyes.

"I'm not going to play games." 

"I like games." I'm starting to wake up now. 

"Tyler." he grips the underside of my neck and pulls me up.

"You have to find them." I say and he rolls his tongue in his mouth, the muscle stretching his cheek and he looks annoyed beyond belief. but his eyes are sparkling with curiosity.

He emits a breathy sigh, "hint?"

I think for a moment "black and tight." he looks confused, I'm referring to my jeans but he doesn't know that. he removes himself from me and scans the small space. 

(Josh's POV) 

They definitely weren't in my backpack, that's for sure. Something black and tight? I sat on my knees and looked around. Stubborn Tyler was not a fun Tyler...most of the time. Sometimes stubborn Tyler was fun, like now but I was still annoyed that he went through my stuff. He knew what I was looking for. He knew exactly what. I was going to put them somewhere safer, somewhere more convenient. But no, he had to go hide them. 

I couldn't help but feel maybe he was scared, something I hadn't though about. Hiding something so that the action is delayed is really common. I'd hide my medicine when I was young, and this seemed like the same thing. But then again this morning's activities had steered my thoughts.

I focused on the tight part. What's tight? Tyler never complains so I don't have any memories of him complaining about things that are tight...but I do. Jeans! I realize suddenly, I'm always going on about how uncomfortable my jeans are and sure enough his black jeans are folded in the corner of the tent. I side eye him and he bites his lip to keep from smiling. I roll my eyes for the hundredth time today and reach for the rough ripped fabric. He exhales fast, almost like a gasp.

"pocket?" I ask with a knowing smile and he nods, flashing me "innocent" eyes. Big and glassy, the signature puppy eyes. I reach in the pocket and sure enough, there they are in all their glory. I hastily shove them back in my bag, I would move them later, and turn to Tyler slowly. He's pulled himself back under the covers, hiding from me again like he's in a cocoon. 

"Ty?" I whisper in a sing song voice and he doesn't respond. I creep towards him and peel back the covers. he looks like a child, looking up at me from his little nest with large doe eyes and I can't stay mad. But I can still do something about it.

"Tyler Robert..." I tsk, shaking my head "You've been naughty." He shrinks lower and I reach in and pull him back up by the shoulders. He whimpers deep in his throat and I kiss his forehead.

"sleep...but later you're gonna get it." I say ominously. I pull the covers back over him and climb into my bag, leaving him speechless and breathing heavy. 

(Tyler's POV)

The second Josh covers me back up I'm out cold, drifting again back into a much needed and deserved sleep. It's been ages since I've slept this well and I'm surprised I'm asleep in the middle of the woods, not phased at all by the possibilities. 

I wake in a cold sweat, not being surprised this time. I can't remember what I dreamed about, which I'm guessing is good. I look over at Josh, whose still napping with his mouth open. He has a watch peeking out of his bag so I sit up and grab it, reading 5:45. It was dinner soon, we usually at around 6:15,6:30 but I didn't hear any movement outside. I lay back against my pillow and start thinking about earlier. Where had he hid them now?

Quietly, I stalked over to his bag and peeked in again, they weren't there. I wasn't obsessed, but they intrigued me. I didn't know how they worked, or how THAT worked, or anything like that. I worked only on instinct, and once a book Sarah gave me that my mom sent when I was 15. That was an interesting night. They weren't anywhere in his bag, nor his jeans. My only guess was under his pillow. And that was a dead end. That wouldn't work without waking him then I'd be in more trouble which I really didn't want. I sat criss cross, in defeat in front of his bag and sighed. He probably though I was weird, or inexperienced which I was, but still, I didn't like being treated like a kid. Most of the time. 

I stared at his backpack as if I could catch it on fire. Huffing again, I crossed my arms across my chest and whined. Certainly acting like a child. After my third whine Josh sat up suddenly, looking around.

"Wha-" He stopped when he saw me and sighed with an endearing smile.

"You aren't going to give up are you."

"I'm not a patient person." I say sourly

"You are a stubborn person." he props himself up on his elbows "So what exactly are you fighting for?"

He was offering to give me what I wanted for the first time ever. Why?

"I want- to see one..." he gives me a quizzical look. "Like, unwrapped." 

He looks off into the distance for a second, before giving me another strange look. 

"Please." I ask politely and as normally as possible.

"Umm, alright." he drops the weird look and reaches behind him in the pillowcase. I fucking knew it. He tosses the packet to me and I take it gingerly in my hands. To me, this was my virginity. I know it's dramatic but it's a moral thing. This represented something. I felt like I needed some object to give away to feel certain about where, how, when, and who I gave it to.

"O-ok." I say, putting it in my bag "Thanks." 

"Why'd you do that?" He asks softly. 

"because I-I want to umm, give it to you." I say and he raises an eyebrow and I sigh. "When the time is right I'll give one to you, you'll see... it won't take long." He tilts his head like a dog at a siren. I sigh once again in shame and frustration. 

"M-my...virginity." His mouth drops open. Oh no, this is bad. This is a bad sign isn't it. I though he knew, why hadn't he known? He always teased me about it, why is he so surprised

"y-you've never-" He starts

"No." I say, "hospital." That explains it all. I thought he knew, did he think I was lying this whole time?

He closes his mouth and nods, looking away from me. I wring my hands nervously and wish I took three Xanax instead of two.

"That's ok Ty, I-I just wanna.... know if y-you're ok with it." I nod slowly and he takes my hand in his.

"Just, I-I'll be careful...I didn't know, I must've scared you with all this." he squeezes my hand. 

"No, It's ok...I love you." I say tenderly. He thought I was lying that whole time didn't he? 

"I love you too." He says carefully, like he was trying not to frighten me.

(Josh's POV) 

I had thought Tyler was a virgin at first. But as our relationship progressed it thought it was just a cover up, a little persona if you will. Little innocent Tyler. But now, here he was literally OFFERING his virginity to ME. What was he going to say next "no pressure Josh but I'm giving you my innocence I've had for 18 years you better not fuck it up?" I really though he was a virgin. Teasing him, and having lowered expectations and I'm not sure why I'm so shocked. I though he was lying but why would someone lie about that? I had tried to prepare for this blow but it was just the way he said it, he wanted to physically GIVE me something that symbolizes his virginity and he just expects me to take it and use it one humid night in a tent? Are you kidding me? I should've thought about this, he's watching me panic and I know he sees through it but god, why'd he wait so long to tell me? He assumed I knew, but I had been confused. I should've just asked him.

"Josh?" His voice is small, weak, worlds away from how he was just five minutes ago.

I don't answer I just keep panicking. His VIRGINITY! This is too important to waste on my fucking hormones! 

"Jo-"

"Will you be my boyfriend?" I splutter suddenly and he freezes mid sentence. We were a "thing" up till now and I don't know if saying that was the right decision or not.

"Yes!" He says suddenly, to my utmost surprise. He tackles me down, and pulls his legs into my lap, laughing as he leans over my face.

"Yes?" I ask stupidly and he just kisses me, but a kiss that's full of passion and love and hope and everything that's good in the world and it almost makes me forget I'm having a panic attack.

"Yes," he pulls back breathless "a million times yes. I need you Josh, I can't live without you."

I nod repeatedly, still acting like a dumb ass but that's whatever. All that mattered right now was Tyler. He can't live without me, and the more I though about it I can't live without him either.   
I sleep better with him beside me, he controls my nerves better than any prescription, and kissing him was a reason to keep living in this crazy, fucked up world.

"I love you Tyler." I say with all the strength I could muster because I'm crying now and I don't know why.

"I love you Josh." he repeats and rubs our noses together, wrapping his arms around my neck as I sit up. This time our make out doesn't go below our lips, and we end up with him in my lap, curled up with his face against my chest. I sit and cradle him, rubbing his scalp and kissing his forehead as he struggles to stay awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sniff*


	35. Hot Dogs and Cringey Stripteases

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is partly inspired by a fic I rly like called "I will make you believe (you are lovely!)" by  
> slowtawn. (Btw no it's not dedicated to me I wish)

(Tyler's POV)

My ears buzz to life at the sound of crackling fire. My eyes open to the sight of a lantern lit tent. It was dark outside the door, and the flap wasn't zipped. through the door I could now see my friends sitting in front of a fire greeting dinner ready. I sigh and rub my eyes, feeling around for something that isn't there. My mouth is dry and my mind is clear for the first time in years. Slowly, I get to my knees, pulling on a pair of old baggy jeans. I blink three times, adjusting to the golden light illumination the small space. It almost felt like I was inside a lantern. Josh wasn't in the tent so I crawled out before walking over to the fire, teetering a bit. 

"Hey Ty!" I hear someone call as I make my way towards the blazing fire pit in the middle of our tent circle.

"hey guys..." I slur and plop down next to Josh.

"Hey babe." He says, ruffling my already messed up hair. 

"Josh told us everything!" Patrick squeals. "were so happy for you two!"

I furrow my brows at Josh "Everything?" He shakes his head

he lowers his head to my ear "Not everything." he whispers and I nod slowly.

Ryan walks over to the circle and puts a couple packets on the ground 

"I know it's cliche and incredible American...but hot dogs are all we have right now." 

"Ugh." Pete mumbles and Brendon comes to the hot dog's defense. 

"Shut up Pete hot dogs are good!" he yells 

"Oh yeah I bet they're good... you just like the practice." Pete snickers and Brendon flushes. 

"shut up dipshit." he mutters, throwing his head back in anger. "Don't make me knock you upside the head." 

"I'd like to see you try..." Pete laughs and you can almost see the steam coming out of Brendon's ears. 

"Two hits Pete, me hitting you and you hitting the floor." Brendon says this seriously but everyone is laughing at him. 

"You can all go suck a dick." Brendon mumbles, hiding his face

"Gladly." Josh coughs and I giggle quietly. he puts his arm around my small frame and squeezes me closer.

"Ok fine Pete you can starve." Ryan chokes out finally, ripping open the pack. 

"I will." Pete grumbles, crossing his arms 

Patrick grabs a few sticks off the ground "No one's a germ a phobe right?" I look around and everyone shakes their heads, taking a stick.

Ryan puts the pack on the ground and everyone takes one, except Pete.

"Pete, hon, you gotta eat something." Patrick says and Pete sighs dramatically and hastily grabs one. 

"fine." 

"geez Pete don't have a tantrum..." Josh mutters but no one hears. I pierce my piece of meat with the thin birch tree branch and hold it over the flames. 

I sigh quietly, its almost a yawn but not quite. My hand shakes as I hold it over the fire and Josh reaches over to hold my hand up.

"You ok?" he whispers, worry clearly painted in his dark eyes.

"Yeah...I-I'm still waking up." I mutter, looking at the ground.

"oh, ok." He says satisfied with my answer.

"this is nice isn't it?" Ryan asks, looking up at the sky. We couldn't see the sky through the trees, but you could see purple and pink receding into the black sky.

"Yeah, this was a good idea Ryan." I say quietly, taking a bite of the food I had just made. 

"Mmmhmmm." Dallon says, eating his hotdog off the stick. 

"These are good." Brendon says, chewing on a huge piece. I honestly thought he was going to choke if he didn't take smaller bites.

"Yeah." Josh agrees from next to me.

"So...are we doing waterfall and hiking tomorrow?" Ryan asks and everyone just shrugs.

"well I'm sleeping until 11:30 or 12 so we have to time manage." I say and he rolls his eyes

"I guess we could all use a good sleep if we can..." he trails off and we are left with only the sound of the fire crackling and popping.

After about ten minutes we were all done, lounging on each other in front of the fire. There were bags of candy and S'more ingredients in front of us but no one had touched them yet.

"did you say something about campfire games Bren?" Josh asks and Brendon immediately lights up.

"I do believe I mentioned that, thank you for bringing it up Joshua." Brendon's signature grin appears and I find myself swallowing.

"Now last time I think we were rudely interrupted by Josh and Tyler's sexual tension." Josh snorts and I bite the inside of my cheek.

"Ok, who's first?" He asks and Pete lights a joint that appeared out of thin air. 

"If we're doing truth or dare I'm getting blazed first so someone else go ahead." he grunt trying to get the lighter to work.

"Pete put that out carefully when you're done." Dallon sighs, obviously not happy with Pete's habits.

"Ok smoky bear." He chuckles and Brendon reaches behind him and gets a few cans of twisted tea out of his bag.

"Parties just started boys!" he yells and cracks one open 

"that's why your bag was so fucking heavy you drunk!" Ryan giggles punching him 

"What did you think it was? Books?" Brendon laughs taking a gulp and shivering. 

"To Friday." Pete says, tapping his joint to Brendons can and I roll my eyes. Josh motions for the weed.

"Uh uh honey..." I say, pulling him back "You gotta be sober so you can remember tonight." He raises an eyebrow "You'll thank me tomorrow." 

"Whatever dad," Brendon says with disgust "I'm getting buzzed tonight and you aren't stopping me." 

"I never said I was." I giggle "That's Ryan's job." Ryan just rolls his eyes as if Brendon was a five year old he had to constantly maintain which is what he really was in the scheme of things.

"back to the game.." Patrick groans, leaning back on Pete.

"Ok I'll go as always," Brendon says "Josh, my favorite, truth or dare?" 

Josh groans from beside me "It really doesn't matter at this point...truth?" 

Brendon's eyes go dark "Do you top or bottom?" He asks with a voice laced with sugar

Josh sighs again "depends." 

"elaborate." Brendon commands

"It depends who I'm with...I'm not sure how it'll be with Ty just yet but in the past I've been a top." he responds honestly because his eyes aren't shifting and his voice is confident. I try not to think about his answer too much because I know it'll hurt my head. Honestly, I could care less. I could be a top if I felt like it, but I'm kinda drifting towards bottoming for some reason.

He squeezes me tighter and I put my head on his shoulder. I want to lay my head in his lap but it's only 6:30. 

"Ok." Brendon is satisfied with the answer.

"dallon," Josh says "truth or dare?"

"Truth" dallon says and we all groan 

"What?" he asks defensively "I'm obviously a top!" We all laugh at this 

"Ok, do you have any weird body talents?" 

"Oh yeah...I'm double jointed and I can touch my nose with my tongue." He says it casually then demonstrates all at once.

"EW FUCK!" Brendon yells, covering his eyes

"Dude chill it's cool." I say, watching his limbs contort.

he unravels himself. "Ty truth or dare?"

"Dare." I say quickly so I can't regret it. 

"Someone hand me an Ipod." Dallon says randomly "You're gonna give us a striptease to any song that comes on shuffle." Really, the straight guy gives me the WORST possible dare!

My mouth drops open and Josh is hooting with laughter, shaking and he removes his hand from me and pushes me up. 

"No fucking way!" Brendon hollers and I can't help but smile at how fucking funny this is. 

Patrick disappears and returns with an ipod shuffle, chucking it at Dallon and he turns it on.

"you ready Ty?" he asks and I nod rolling my eyes and stretching. 

"Ok." He hits shuffle and I cover my face with my hands at the song that plays. I can tell by the beginning what it is.

I'ts fucking CHERRY PIE by Warrant. 

Josh snorts so loud I though his brains were going to pop out and Brendon and Ryan are screaming with laughter. I lick my teeth and begin. 

I'm trying my very best not to start laughing during this fucking song while also trying to be sexy. 

"Dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkin!" I tap my foot and bob my head, licking my lips over dramatically.

"She's my cherry pie, cool drink of water such a sweet surprise. Tastes so good make a grown man cry, sweet Cherry Pie."

I lower my eyes and sync my mouth to the words, I saunter over to Josh, pulling at my collar with the most seductive face I can muster. He's biting his lip trying not to laugh. 

"WOW!" I jump in front of him.

"Swingin' on the front porch. Swingin' on the lawn. Swingin' where we want. 'Cause there ain't nobody home..." 

I whip my head around pretending I have long hair and I take my shirt off in a flash, throwing it at Josh and almost crying because this is really fuckin funny. Josh catches it and cheers, trying to grab my arm but I pull back, reaching in his hair and pulling his head up to look at me.

"Swingin' to the left, And swingin' to the right, If I think about baseball, I'll swing all night yea..." 

Now I'm strutting around like a stripper, pulling at my belt before yanking it off and snapping it, then throwing it to the ground. 

"Swingin' in the living room, Swingin' in the kitchen, Most folks don't 'cause They're too busy bitchin'" I take a wild risk and sink into a really embarrassing squat, still laughing at myself. Josh tries to reach for me but I swat his hand away and rising back into a standing position. 

"Swingin' in there 'cause She wanted me to feed her So I mixed up the batter And she licked the beater." I swing my hips to the beat, rubbing my own chest hungrily. At the last line I grab Josh's hand and lick from his wrist to his fingers, catching them on my tongue and letting his fingers drag my bottom lip down. He gapes at me with blown eyes and he's completely bewildered. the only expression I can see is lust. Pure, dirty, lust.

"I scream you scream We all scream for her Don't even try 'cause You can't ignore her!" I walk away from him then whip back around, getting on the ground in front of him. Leaning on my elbows with my ass in the air, my face hovers over his crotch before snapping back up and trailing to his neck. I then proceed to climb onto his lap, running my hands through my hair and gasping for air. His eyes are fluttering in disbelief, his hands tight and demanding on my waist. 

"She's my cherry pie Cool drink of water Such a sweet surprise Tastes so good Make a grown man cry Sweet cherry pie oh yea." I lean back as far as I can, my hair touching the dirt as he holds my back then he brings me back up for a sloppy kiss. The ipod turns off and we are left with the sound of me panting, and the other's laughing.

"TYLER WERE YOU, LIKE, FUCKING WAITING FOR THAT GOD DAMN!" Brendon screams awestruck. 

"HOW THE FUCK?" Ryan gasps 

"HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU WATCHED MAGIC MIKE?" Patrick exclaims, throwing up his hands "That was like, professional level shit." 

I blush furiously and pull back on my shirt, not bothering with the belt. I crawl of Josh's lap and resume my position leaning on him, as if none of that happened.

"Ok well no one can really top that so Ty who do you pick?" Pete gasps and I shrug 

"Josh-" 

"Dare." 

"alright..." I look around "put your hand in my pants until the next round."

"HOLY SHIT!" Brendon yells "WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?" I chuckle as the groups laughs at my clever dare. 

"Ok." Josh says and stick his hand in my jeans. I gulp a little at the sudden action but he doesn't seem to mind.

"Brendon." 

"Dare." 

"unwrap a piece of candy with only your mouth." Brendon's eyebrows raise at this, and he reaches over for a Hershey kiss. He pops the whole thing in his mouth.

"Have you done this before?" Ryan asks and he nods with the candy still in his mouth. He spits out a ball of tinfoil and opens his mouth to reveal a perfectly unwrapped and still intact chocolate. 

"Multiple times." he says chewing the chocolate "Pete."

"Truth." Pete says taking another hit 

"Does size matter?" He asks genuinely and Pete thinks for a minute

"Length or width?" 

"Both."

"Oh, then not really."

I start to fidget, wiggling around in my seat because there's a fucking hand down my pants. Josh isn't moving his hand thank god but it's still enough to make me wanna just start bucking against his hand. I roll my head back and huff. 

"You regretting this?" He asks with a sneer. I blow the fluffy hair out of my face and look straight ahead. 

"Wait what does next round mean?" I ask and Ryan looks at me 

"Next time it's your turn is considered the next round."

Brendon nods "yeah so no one pick Tyler." I scoff and make pleading eyes at Pete 

Pete sighs "Fine, truth or dare Ty?" Josh removes his hand and I exhale. 

"Well it can't really get that much worse for me can it?" I ask and the group laughs. 

"Oh I have one!" Pete yells excitedly and I'm ready to run away. 

"what..." I groan. 

"Moan as loud as you can..but it has to be realistic like that scene with Meg Ryan." he smiles " You know...like full on orgasm ham it up." 

"Jesus Christ..." I mumble, composing myself for the second time today 

"whenever your'e ready." Pete encourages and I scoot away from Josh. 

"It might be loud." I explain and he nods suspiciously, a glimmer of lust still in his eyes. "loud?" He asks with raised eyebrows. "Loud." I say and he scoots back even farther. I sit up on my knees. 

"Ok...here goes." I take a deep breath, laughing on the exhale "God this is stupid." 

"C'mon Ty!" Brendon yells "On with it!" 

"Okay!" I yell back at his impatience, before starting with a small "....oh..." I snort a little and cover my mouth, taking another breath 

"OH!" I yell out, it's more of I scream and now I'm just looking at the fire, not taking my eyes off it. "OH GOD! UGH! FUCK!" I make obnoxious panting noises and other non understandable moaning noises. It's LOUD...like really loud and I feel myself heating up. 

"FUCK! OH GOD OH OH OH UHHHHH FUCK ME, OH!" I throw my head back and clench my eyes, bouncing on my knees slightly. My voice falters after about twenty seconds and I finally look down, scanning the faces around me. Their's 18 pairs of wide eyes staring at me, completely shocked. 

"Jesus Christ...." Josh mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck blushing slightly. 

"Tyler your on fire tonight!" Brendon laughs and I smile wide. 

"that's what happens when I get a nap." 

"Oh my god this has been the funniest and most embarrassing night of my life." I sigh. 

"Yeah well this is what you singed up for when you joined the basement gang." Ryan jokes but it has a slightly dark undertone. 

After a few more dares that included a lap dance from Brendon to Ryan, a twisted tea chug off between Pete and Patrick, and eating dirt, (just to name a few), I was nodding off once again like the grandpa I was. 

It was probably about 9 now and I was getting tired already. I guess I was up pretty early. I stretch out my legs and lay my head in Josh's lap, looking up at him. His yellow hair was golden because of the fire, and it's light was making his nose ring shine. he sneezed again, grabbing his nose and I giggled at the kitten noise he made.

"Josh." I paw at his jaw

"hmm?" He looks down

" 'm tired." I say and he smiles.

"Me too." He yawns, "Me and Ty are gonna go to bed." He announces 

"Yeah sure." Brendon snickers and Josh rolls his eyes. Scooping me up in his arms, Josh carries me to the tent. Taking one look at me, he unzips both the sleeping bags all the way so there's two huge blankets and motions for me to come in. My eyes are opening and closing slowly as he takes off my shoes and shirt, looking at me for permission before he pulls off my jeans. After tucking me in the covers he removes his clothes and climbs under the huge comforter and spoons me as I fall into a dreamless and undisturbed sleep for the second time this week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend reading this with the song on...it changes lives.


	36. Brendon and Confessing Again

(Brendon's POV) 

 

After Tyler and Josh "went to bed" it was free game to do whatever we wanted. I knew Tyler wasn't having anything of the beer, and god save him from the weed. I took a joint from Pete and shared it with Ryan. We were draped on each other while thin clouds of smoke whirled around our heads. 

"Pete," I ask slowly, turning to him.

"What?" he asks, not looking at me but looking up at the silhouette of the trees in the darkness.

"Where'd you get this stuff anyway?" He laughs and looks over his shoulder.

"Brother mailed me a new hoodie to the hospital, they were in the pocket..." He chuckles with tinted eyes.

"God he's too much." I laugh. I've met Pete's brother before. He's a cool dude.

"It's good." Ryan notes, handing it back to me through pinched fingers. 

"Mmmhmm." Pete hums, laying on his back with his head in Trick's lap. 

"So Tyler tonight?" I ask with a smile 

"Oh my god yes." Pete laughs and Patrick does too.

"He was on a fucking roll..." Patrick sighs.

"Dallon with the striptease, I though you were straight." I say and he rolls his eyes

"It was for you doofus's. I wanted to see how far he'd go."

"Well he went PRETTY far..." Pete says "the moaning was a bit much though." He chuckles

"Yeah that was pretty odd." Ryan says grabbing a graham cracker and crunching on it. (I hate myself)

"I really think he's getting better." I say happily and the others nod.

"We all are." Trick says 

It was true. We were all doing significantly better, Me and Ryan had gotten to the roots of our problems after countless years, Dallon doesn't flinch anymore and he actually gets in cars, Trick hadn't had an incident in months, and Josh's last episode was months ago as well...

But I didn't know about the other day.

I wish I knew sooner.

I wish someone had told me.

"If we're all getting better, maybe we should start thinking about leaving soon, and what'll happen next?" I ask cautiously and Trick frowns slightly.

"Bren...I'm not sure we're ready for that just yet." I frown now, kicking at the dirt.

"Tyler literally just had an episode like, yesterday and it was...bad...really bad." Ryan says carefully 

"What? No he didn't..." I say looking at Ryan. Wait, no, he couldn't have. I should've been told.

"He wanted to keep it on the down low....he was embarrassed." Patrick says "He hit me." 

My eyes grow three sizes. Tyler? Hit Trick? No, that can't be right...no, not sweet little Ty.

"Not Ty." I say refusing to accept the inevitable 

"Yes Brendon, he knocked me out and it took both Pete and Josh to hold him down." Pete nods at Patrick and he continues "Josh had to knock him out so he'd stop."

My mouth hangs open "Why was I not told?" 

"He was embarrassed Bren, it was Blurry." 

After a ten minute explanation of who Blurry was I finally understood.

"So, its like mpd?" I ask and Pete shakes his head 

"No, no, it's not that....it's more like a possession or something." All the worst possible things are flooding into my mind and suddenly I can't keep my eyes open another second. I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"Oh...I'm going to bed now..." I say, dragging myself to the tent. I hear Ryan say goodnight to the others and he steps in. 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks and I just twitch, holding down my shaking hands.

"No...I just need some time to think..." I say softly and he nods, getting in his sleeping bag. 

I lay in bed for what feels like hours before I finally fall asleep thinking of one this only.

I have to protect Tyler from Blurry.

(Josh's POV) 

Tyler falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches the pillow. he's been so tired lately...but he hasn't exactly gotten a lot of sleep. I rub his back in small circles as his breathing comes in short patterns, his chest rising and falling at each inhale and exhale.

I can hear the guys talking about him outside and I close my eyes tightly. Trying to block out their concerned voices. I feel the need to talk to Tyler, whether he can hear me or not.

"I love you." I say to Tyler even though he can't hear me.

"I love you so much Tyler and I don't know what to do with myself." I laugh softly, tears forming slowly.

"I don't ever want to lose you...you scared me so much the other day." I confess to his back. I bury my face in the back of his neck and sob softly. 

"You were so...different and you said so many scary things and I just don't know what I'd do if y-" I stop myself from finishing the sentence. 

"I love you more than I've ever loved anything. I knew it since the day you walked to our table with Brendon." I wipe a tear from my nose.

"You-you were so scared but you did it anyway...you gave us all a chance." 

"You looked so uncomfortable." I laugh quietly, squeezing my eyes shut.

"But I knew there was something there that was just buried under the anxiety and depression and panic." I whisper

"Tyler...I'm in love with you." I whisper even more quiet. 

"I love all the guys...but I'm in love with you, and I don't know what I'm going to do about it."

"You're my reason to keep living...to keep fighting and to wake up in the morning."

"I d-don't ever want to lose you you're my everything." 

Now I'm just quietly bawling my eyes out while Tyler's passed out and I have to admit it's pretty sad. But I need this waterworks. I need this storm. I needed to tell myself that I actually felt this, to admit it to the world even though no one could hear.

"I love you, I love you, I love you..." I repeat the words over and over so quietly I almost can't hear them. Warm, salty tears roll and tumble down my face and nose and I heave in a long breath. I lay on my back, staring at the tent's peak. then I hear it.

a sniffle.

I'm hearing things. No, he's passed out he's so asleep he was so tired.

another sniffle.

I freeze before shaking my head quickly and propping myself up on my elbows. I lean over Tyler's side to look at his face. It's streaked with tears. My heart breaks into a million jagged pieces. Oh god, please this is a dream I didn't just make him cry. He hears me shuffling so he brings a single hand up to his face to cup his mouth while squeezing his eyes closed. His chest starts inflating quickly as he releases muffled sobs. There's no way I wouldn't have heard him by now but he's too goddamn worried about me. He thinks he's a burden and that his crying will somehow annoy me.

"Oh Tyler..." I say, completely crushed.

His eyes open, wide and red. He takes one look at me and bursts into heaving sobs, making noises I never want to hear again. He's crying with the force of someone's who's never cried before, letting it all out in one, horrific wail. 

"No no Tyler stop..." I plead, trying to turn him over to face me. He does so willingly, and suddenly surges forward, burying his face as deep as it'll go in my chest. Tears moisten my torso as his wails diminish to whimpers and now he's just taking short, shuddering breathes like a child does after a tantrum. 

"Tyler..." I whisper, cradling his fluffy head in my hands. I press his cheek to my heart and leave it there. The aftershocks of his meltdown were far from over. His nose is running slightly and he's still shaking like he's in the middle of a snowstorm. I sit up slowly and pull him into my frame, reaching over and getting a shirt for him because he has goosebumps. I pull the shirt over his head and watch as his face appears through the collar's hole. Eyes closed, lips parted and face swollen from crying and air loss. Once the shirt is on he clings to my chest like a koala, hiding from me by putting his forehead at the base of my neck.

I try to think of something comforting. I already knew that humming helps cats because they like the vibrations. But I didn't know if it would work on humans or not. I begin to hum "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." by Death Cab and he presses his face against my throat. His eyes flutter as I hum. I was working.

"sing." he whispers out of nowhere

"I-I'm not a good, I don-" I start to say but he looks up at me with his dark, dark doe eyes and I can't refuse 

"l-love of m-mine, someday you w-will... d-" I can't finish the sentence because I can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to say that, even if it's in a song. I start to cry again but he squeezes me in encouragement.

"Keep going." he whispers, holding on for dear life

"b-but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into t-the dark." His face moves to my shoulder.

"No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white, j-just our hands clasped s-so t-tight, waiting for the hint of a s-spark." I make it through the first verse weakly. It's not pretty, it's not good, he would be better but he asked me to sing so I have to sing.

If heaven and hell d-decide, that they both are satisfied, illuminate the n-no's on their vacancy signs. If there's n-no one beside you When your s-soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the d...dark." I whisper. its barely a song but he's falling asleep again and that's all I could ask for by now.

But he doesn't. He stays awake, he isn't going to let himself until we're both asleep. 

"shhh, g-go to sleep." I say and he looks at me in a way that reads "are you crazy?" 

"No we are sleeping together tonight."

"Did you hea-" I ask and he puts a finger to my lips.

"Yes." He smiles slightly, his lip pulling up to the right.

"I'm sorr-" I start while his fingers are still pressed to my lips

"shhh...I don't care what they think anymore. After what you said I can't be scared anymore." His voice is still shaky.

"I meant it all." I say and he removes his fingers

"I know you did."

I exhale, and try to lay back but he's still clinging to my chest. I look him in the eyes for a solid minute before he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine. I close my eyes at the feeling, parting mine in response. He comes back around, gently kissing me. I stay still, letting him kiss me before pushing back. I open my eyes to see his are closed so I follow suit. Our wet and hot sticky faces pressing against each other before we both pull back and longingly stick our foreheads together for support. 

"By the way..." He says, opening his eyes

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a blue purple day...short chapter...sad chapter...happy chapter?


	37. Dreams and Woah There

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS WHATS UP? I know this is actual shit I've just been rly stressed so here ya go...I hope this filler satisfies your needs

(Tyler's POV)

I hadn't gotten sleep that good since kindergarten.

I was out like a fucking light.

Granted, I was crying like crazy.

And I walked three miles that afternoon.

But he was so warm and so comfortable. 

I fell asleep on his chest.

(Josh's POV) 

Tyler was passed out five minutes into saying he was staying up with me. 

He deserved the rest.

But sometimes I wish he would take care of me.

He was asleep on my chest.

I wish it would never end.

(Tyler's POV) 

I wake up at about 10:30, blinking three times to make sure it's not a dream. I'm still glued to Josh's chest by tears and sweat and humidity. He is sleeping so soundly. I want to be where he is right now, that's how happy he looks. His mouth is agape, his hair tousled and wavy, highlighter locks draped over his face. I reach up slowly, petting his cheek and rubbing the stubble. It's rough against my soft fingers, like sandpaper.

"I love you." I whisper in a sing song voice. I reach up farther and run my finger down the bridge of his nose and he smiles in his sleep.

"Nnng...yur silllly tylerrrr." he mumbles and I almost don't catch it because he sounds drunk off his ass.

"Oh am I?" I ask lovingly, gazing up at him while tugging on his hair gently.

"Mmmmhmmmm." He murmurs and shifts under me, getting farther under the covers. "you're so pretty Tylerrrr."

I giggle because he's obviously still sound asleep and is just saying what's on his mind.

"Thanks baby." I reply and his lips pull up again at the sound of my voice and the vibrations on his bare skin. I press my cheek back down to his chest, directly under his chin. My hands move to his right arm, holding on to him while his left is splayed on the pillow next to him.

Josh mumbles again and I giggle "What was that?"

"Yur not just pretty..yur really hot tylerrr..." I exhale a laugh and frowns

"noooo I'm seriousss." he whines quietly 

"Ok I'm sorry." I say, sniggering to myself. I want to film this so bad but he'll wake up if I get off. 

"I wanna go to outerrrr space." He pleads in his sleep and I stifle another laugh. 

"You can't Josh you don't have a rocket." I play along with his dream.

"oh right." he says quietly, huffing "can you get me one?" 

"No I don't think so." I say sadly and he pouts a little

"but, I wanted to have funnn." he whimpers softly. 

"You can fun other ways." I say in a convincing tone, still holding in giggles.

"like wot?" he asks

"umm...hanging with your friends and family." I say and he furrows his brows

"I wanna hang wth yu." He says gently, and I kiss his pectoral muscle.

"You are hanging with me." I say in response and he snores slightly before continuing. 

"n-no...I wann hang whit yuu..." he grins and I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm right here Josh."

"oh." 

I chuckle slightly and rub his arm.

"you're silly." 

his breathing gets heavier, then slower "Wher ya gon tylerrr?" He slurs quietly and I don't reply. I want to see where this goes.

"No-nnno tylerrr....shhhh I'm sorry." he whispers, pressing my face closer to his bare skin and I breathe in. 

"don't leave." awwww I think to myself, this is really cute.

"Don't leave we were gon hav funnn." wait, I think to myself, what kind of dream is this? 

"Josh?" I ask nervously even though he can't hear me 

"Mmm Tylerr yur so pretty when yu do that..."

"Do what?" I ask but he's no longer hearing or processing what I'm saying to him.

Suddenly my body tenses. I feel the arm I'm not holding creep to my ass and grip it tightly. I squeak out loud and squeeze my eyes shut. His hand kneads my skin rough and I whimper. This was escalating fast.

"tylurrr." he whines and now I'm thoroughly confused.

"Josh, what?" I ask with my face still pressed to him

"shhhh they'll hear uss." he hisses slowly and now I understand what's happening and I think I'm going to pee my pants.

Josh is having a fucking wet dream.

"oh my god." I whisper, laughing slightly. This was no longer scary, far from it, this was hilarious.

"Hmmmmm." he hums and his head lolls to the side. 

"Josh, wake up." I say, he's squeezing really hard now

"this isn't a dreeem." He mumbles and I yelp again.

"yur gon yell my name baby.." he grumbles and I feel a tears form from his grasp

"Josh, wake up." I plead, squeezing his arm as tightly as he was me.

My breathing becomes labored, I'm gasping out in panic, wiggling out of his grasp. His arm shoots out, trying to grab me but I crawl away, frantically to the corner of the tent. I bring my knees to my chest, my hands planted firmly beside me holding me up. I steady my shaky lungs and blink three times, watching Josh stir. He reaches around for me but I'm hiding and he frowns slightly, huffing before giving up and laying spread eagle. 

Tentatively, I creep over and tap his foot. He mumbles something like "stop." But I don't. Reaching forward, I touch his face again, patting the cheek harshly. He stirs again and shoots up, bending his body in half, so I retreat as fast as I can back into the corner. 

His pupils are small black slits in his eyes, and his canine teeth are peeking out between his lips. He's the spitting image of a cat. 

I'm a dog person. 

Color rushes to his face and he's panting, doubling over on himself and he looks up after ten seconds

"What?" 

"n-nothing." I mumble, crawling to my bag and pulling on a pair of shorts. He sits stunned at my tone.

"Why do you look so frightened." he asks and I just shake my head 

"No, nothing I'm fine." 

"Bullshit."

I scowl at his attitude

"Listen, I'm fine, just take care of your dick and get dressed." His mouth falls open in pure shock and I just shrug, going to leave the tent before a hand pulls me back by the collar of my shirt. 

I yelp, falling onto my back and then Josh is hovering above me, looking nothing less then pissed. "What. Did. you. Just. Say. To. Me?" he growls and I curl my toes.

"Get off!" I shriek with wide eyes and he jumps back.

"Tyler-" 

"No no no..." I mumble clutching my head

"Oh my god no Tyler I'm so sorry Ty shhh shhh." he tries to hold me but I curl into an non movable ball. 

"Tyler what happened?" he whispers and I look up from my knees 

"y-y...you h-had a d-d-dream and you wouldn't let me g-go and it hurt." I say quietly and his face falls.

"Oh no I'm so sorry Tyler I didn't know-"

"No it's not your fault you weren't awake." I say "I can't blame you for something you didn't do knowingly."

His eyes flicker for a minute and I know that he knows I'm referring to myself. 

"Ok, ok.." He mumbles "what did do to you?"

"it wasn't that bad, I just panicked." I say and he shakes his head

"You were scared to death Tyler." 

"Um, you were having a dream I think...about me." he looks away

"and?" 

"And you um, were holding on to me really tight, not letting me go and I couldn't get away."

"and?"

"You said some things, not scary but still...unnerving."

"Like what?" he sighs, still looking at his feet.

"I'd-I'd rather not say." I mumble and he sighs again

"Tyler I want to know." 

"You're gonna yell my name baby...." I say and he face palms 

"That it?"

"Yeah."' I say and he just keeps looking at his shoes

"Tyler, I'm sorry I scared you but-"

"But?" I ask, interrupting him

"But it was just a dream and we are boyfriends after all, we are eventually going to have sex."

I hesitate before speaking. "I know that Josh."

"I know you do but if you aren't ready we can wait." 

"Josh I want to." Do I though?

"Ok, I just want to make sure... I'd never hurt you Tyler." I wince at his choice of words but he doesn't seem to notice.

"I know you wouldn't." I say quietly.

"Tyler?" I look up and our eyes meet.

"I want to make love to you." the words he speaks floor me. I'm completely lost.

I feel my eyes well and I don't know why and I want it to stop. 

"what?" I ask weakly and he tentatively comes towards me and takes my face in his hands.

"I don't want to have sex, I want to make love." he says it slowly but I still don't understand

"why?" his expression changes to hurt. Pure, hurt.

"Why?" he repeats with utter confusion "Because I'm in love with you and you deserve the best. The real thing."

Now I'm crying because I'm confused and scared and tired and I don't really know what's happening.

"Don't cry hun..." he pulls me into his chest and lets me sob into it like last night. He was almost made for this.

After about ten minutes of him reassuring me and ten minutes of me crying and sniffling and drying tears a alarm goes off on his phone.

"It's 10." he says and I just slump onto the covers.

"We are eating at 11." He says "They aren't awake yet." 

"Ok." I mumble 

"Are you feeling better?" he asks and I nod.

"yeah, thank you. You're too good to me." 

"I don't think that's true." He tuts and pulls me into his lap. "Ya know, if it made you feel better I'll let you top your first time."

I inhale slowly, looking him in the eyes "I thought that was your thing." 

"not if it makes you uncomfortable." he states, tracing my jaw with a thin, cold finger and I shiver.

"No, it doesn't I just...I don't think I'll be good at it." I admit and Josh just smiles

"I don't care." 

"But-" 

"I love you Tyler, everything you do makes me happy so I don't think it'll be a problem." 

I grin and lunge forward, knocking him over and kissing all over his face. He laughs at my mood swing and lets me attack his face, peppering it with love. 

"What's this?" He giggles 

"Josh, I'm in love with you." I mimic in a deep voice and he just laughs and tickles my waist.

"aww shut it." He says as I writhe on top of him, pinning his hands down

"That...ti-tickles!" I pant and he just lays there innocently, looking up with ink bowl eyes and kitten fangs bared.

"that's why I'm doing it." he jokes and I lean down to kiss him.

(Josh's POV) 

I don't know what happened while I was sleeping but it really shook him up. He's been having a hard time lately and i feel horrible for pressuring him. Concern flickers over his eyes as he kisses me, knowing that I'm worried but doesn't say anything about it. 

"Hey." I whisper as he kisses my neck

"Hey." He replies before diving back down.

"Tyler it's gonna show." He stops. 

"Where can I do it then?" he asks and I bite my bottom lip

"That again huh? You better stop with the lip." 

"Why?" I ask teasingly, playing with it between my teeth.

"Because it turns me on." He whines suddenly and I raise an eyebrow

"Ty?" I ask cautiously and he nods repeatedly

"I want this." It's like a bomb goes off in my brain. It's now or never. The absolute love of my life wants to seal the bond.

"Are you-"

"yes." He says, his dark eyes studying mine.

"Ok." I say "do you want like, a safe word or anything?" I know it's kinda a longshot to ask that, but I wanted to be sure, and I wanted him to feel safe.

"that's a good idea," he mumbles "How about Ohio?" 

"Yeah sure." I say and he pulls off his shirt 

"How do you want to do this?" I breathe out. Oh shit I had thought this would happen differently and now I have no clue where to start.

"You wanna top?' he asks carefully and I shrug 

"You pick." 

"I want you to." oh shit.

I breathe out again "I love you Tyler."


	38. This Chapter Shall Not Be Named

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning I've never written smut so this'll prob be short and maybe a little cringey

(Tyler's POV) 

I tell him that I want him to because I'm too nervous. No one wants anxious sex. I let him do it because I don't know how. I'll let him do it cause I'll do it wrong. He tells me he loves everything that I do, but I've never done this so how would he know? I'm trying my best to clear my mind as he crawls on top of me, repeating the same words over and over again.

"I love you, Tyler."

My breathing stutters every time he says it, and soon enough his shirt is off.

Soon enough his shorts are off.

Soon enough my shorts are off.

Soon enough everything is off. 

My eyes are screwed shut and my stomach hurts like hell, it's a cramping feeling, like my body already knows what's coming and it saying "What the fuck, no Tyler."

"Tyler?" Josh asks with utmost worry. I open my eyes and he's staring back at me with concern

"M'fine." I mumble, petting his jaw and he smiles a little, bending down to kiss me. I relish the feeling of our lips locking, tight rubbery skin rubbing against each other, saliva transferred from one hot mouth to another. My nerves are shot, cells bouncing around my body in a frenzy, hormones batting anxiety. I whimper a little into his mouth, not realizing the noise I made until it left my throat. 

I open an eye and Josh raises an eyebrow as we kiss, his eyes still closed but still acknowledging the noise I made. the sunlight beams through the lush foliage and thin rays of golden light shoot through the tent's exterior, giving the inside a honey like glow. Josh looks beautiful, his hair is surrounded by a halo of crisp sun and waves of light hit his torso, illuminating his muscles and contrasting every inch of his body I can see from below him. His tattoos are like a coloring book brought to life.

The new lighting making them stand out more than the hospital lights ever did. he looks so healthy, skin darkening and stomach full. From what I can see there is a dusting of small brown freckles dotting his shoulders and the bridge of his nose. I close my eyes and smile, not knowing that there's a tear rolling down my cheek.

I don't look below his waist, I don't want to. And not because I'm disgusted or anything, it's just that it doesn't matter and all I ever want to see is his face and I know he put on protection, not that we really need it. He is looking down though, and I feel my face heating up as his eyes rake over my body almost hungrily. His fingers trace my tattoos and my abdomen and I shiver, hairs standing needle straight up on my neck. I bite my lip to keep from whimpering because I can't really hold it in. I've teased him about being too vocal but now I'm realizing how hard it is to stay composed when you're in a situation like this one.

It doesn't take long for him to become antsy, wanting to skip the introduction and I don't blame him. He wants to touch me, to make me happy, make me feel good so I should just let it happen and stop being so tense. By now every article of clothing is gone and so are my worries. Josh wouldn't hurt me, he never would, so I shouldn't be scared. I have no idea where my confidence ran off too, and he's probably thinking the same thing. I've been so wild with this kinda stuff in the past and this is honestly a shock to both of us.

I look back up at him, meeting his already blown eyes. His pupils went from slits to endless pits of black. I hear a quick inhale and watch his chest rise and fall. He looks down and steadies himself and suddenly I don't think I can do this anymore.

"J-Josh." I whisper and he holds my hand, intertwining our fingers, looking back up at me.

"I won't let anything happen to you." his voice is smooth and reassuring. It sounds like when a character in a movie grabs a curtain and wraps it around themselves. Warm, comforting, thin and fluid at the most. The color of a creamsicle.

I remind myself that we have an hour at the most to do this and if we don't I'm not sure what kind of expectations it will set for the future. "I know you won't."

"Ok...are you sure you want this...we-we can stop." His big pleading eyes look up at me and I know that's the last thing he wants to do. And I don't either.

"Josh...I want this with you." 

"Ok, yes, yes, you-you want this-"

"Josh, I want you." He physically tenses at my words but then shakes it off. 

"I'm going to be careful ok?" He asks and I nod quickly. 

"Yes, yes, just-do it." I spit and he just nods, looking me in the eyes as he presses a finger to my entrance. I immediately freeze up, and close my eyes in embarrassment, moving my head to the side.

"It's...ok Tyler it's fine but you have to relax or this isn't going to work." I nod again, taking a breath between my teeth and he leans down to kiss me again.

Once our lips touch I immediately melt and he takes the chance to just twitch his finger the whole way in. I gasp into his mouth and make a strangled noise.

"Shhh shhh." He croons, kissing down my neck and whimpers soon turn to moans. I feel him add another then one more and I barely notice when he wipes tears off my cheeks. 

"Is this good?" He asks, kissing my jawline and my ear. I just moan in response and he curls his fingers and my eyes roll back in my head at the dizziness consuming me. All I see is black and I taste something in my mouth that's not familiar. It tastes like...rust. Rust and charcoal. I hate it, I hate it but I roll my tongue around my mouth trying to get more.

Burning stretch is replaced with warm tingles and I can't stop my back from arching and I don't feel it when he pushes me back down. 

"are you ready?" he asks and I nod as fast as humanly possible. My eyes open for a split second to see him move my leg up, and to carefully line himself up with me. He makes a little huffing sound before pushing forward and I stifle a scream with my hand. He looks horrified and tries to pull away but I scoot forward and slam myself into him. A loud choking noise escapes from the bottom of his throat and he bends over me, head bobbing as I gasp and pant below.

"I'm fine Josh, it-it's just new." I sigh and roll my head back 

We stay still for a moment, nothing moving except our rising and falling chests. I'm surprised to see Josh looking totally lost. 

"Josh?" I ask suddenly, voice high and cracking.

"Mmmhmm." He replies, running a hand through his hair

"Aren't you supposed to move?" I ask in a squeaky voice and his mouth falls into a small "o" 

"Oh my gosh! Yes, I'm sorry Ty." He says blushing. As soon as he does, his hips stutter before rolling up and down, his arms guiding mine along. Friction can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing...right now, it was borderline. 

"is this ok?" He asks nervously and what I was afraid of is happening. Anxious sex. 

"Yes," I gasp out "Yes yes Josh please." 

He brightens at this, and starts to move a little faster, his body moving like a wave, crashing down...then up....then down. I moan out loud again, gripping his arm and my eyes roll back into my head once more. This was getting better.

"Mmmm, Joshie." I whine, not really knowing what to do now. Two thing I can't stop thinking about are how fucking hot Josh looks right now and the feeling of a rope unwinding deep in my stomach.

Josh's hair is plastered to his forehead in a mess of neon yellow curls, his lip caught between teeth and his body moves with such fluidity you would think he's water. I'm sure I look a mess, wriggling and whining below him but I don't really mind. 

The unwinding in my stomach gets stronger and I feel like there's hot trickling all over the inside of my body, like I'm being filled with warm, tingling, liquid. 

"J-J-Josh..." I mumble through moans and he speeds up even more 

"Are you close?" is all he asks through plump pink lips and I don't know what that means.

"Huh...UH!" I gasp out when he hits a bundle of nerves hidden deep inside me I didn't even know was there.

"Are you close?" He repeats, angling himself so he hits THAT spot over and over again and I can't even answer. I rack my brains while my head lolls around my neck, what does close mean again?

I try to remember the book my mom sent when I was 15....it talked about masturbation and shit but it never talked about what "being close" was

I ask probably the stupidest question i can while Josh is pounding into me "What does close mean?" The look on his face is absolute shock. He's petrified, with a hint of...amusement? Oh hell no.

"Um..." He starts, still thrusting "it means-like, when...UH...when you're gonna come..." he throws his head back, sending a flop of curls to bounce back on top of his head.

"Oh...what does that mean?" I ask jokingly and he rolls his eyes and laughs while still hitting our hips together.

"I'll show you." He says with a wink and reaches his arm over to my crotch. 

After two more thrusts I'm cumming onto my stomach and he's filling the condom. I flop back onto the pillows and he gets a pack of tissues from his bag.

"I'm gonna put this in the trash ok?" He asks, pulling on a pair of shorts. 

"Y-yeah ok." I say, still shaking from the sudden release and wiping my stomach off "Can y-you see if there are showers around here?" 

"For what, Round two?" He asks with a chuckle and I roll my eyes

"No, to wash the fucking come off myself Josh." He just laughs and unzips the tent, leaving me to frantically pull the sheets over my exposed body 

"Asshole!" I yell and he looks over his shoulder with a wink 

"Thanks but I just had some."


	39. Showers and Shampoo

(Josh's POV)

As I walk out to the trash cans, I shiver and look up into the canopy of trees. A pine needle floats down and nearly pokes my eye but I blow it back up into the sky. That was so fucking fun...I never thought it would be like that but it was still so...wow. But I couldn't tell him, he noticed me being weird and he asked me to move and I felt so bad. 

But, I didn't know what I was doing.

At least not with a boy.

I rubbed at my head for a second before discarding the condom, and looking at the map for any sign of showers. there was a public bathroom down a trail to the left, and there was a little shower head icon next to the bullet point so i figured there was a good chance. Shakily, I made my way back to the tent and unzipped it to see a shivering Tyler pulling on a pair of shorts. 

"Hey babe." I say quietly, rubbing his bent knee "There's showers down the left trail." he smiles slightly and gets to his feet, swaying a little so I steady him. 

"sorry...I'm just a little discombobulated." 

"Wow, nice vocabulary Ty very grown up."

"Shut up." He scoffs, shoving my shoulder "If this hurts later you owe me big time."

I roll my eyes "no shit Sherlock, when you have something up your ass it hurts later on."

He sighs and climbs out of the tent, nearly tripping onto thee grass outside.

"Dude, are you OK?" I ask, suddenly concerned 

"Yeah...I-I'm just a little dizzy from all that throwing around." 

"I wasn't THROWING you around Tyler, it's morning sex we should've waited till we were more awake."

He sighs deeply and ruffles his hair "I don't like it in the morning." 

I roll my eyes again "you will soon hun don't worry."

He grabs a towel out of his bag and starts to walk before looking over his shoulder "Aren't you coming?" I raise my eyebrows at this, and try to hide the smile that so desperately wants to take over my face. I squeeze my lips shut and turn around so he can't see how happy his invitation makes me. 

"Yeah, yeah sure." I grab a towel and look around once to make sure everyone is still asleep. I take way to long getting my bearing so Tyler stomps over and drags me to the trail. As we walk down the dirt path, the sound of birds and the swaying trees is drowned out by the white noise in my ears as I ask him a question.

"So...was it good for you?" I ask causally, holding his hand.

"Obviously." He states, gesturing to the dried cum on his bare torso. I giggle and look at my feet as they kick around dried dirt.

"Well yeah I guess that explains it...but did you like it?"

"It'll take some getting used to, I don't know if I liked the beginning." He says quietly, rubbing the back off his neck with his opposite hand.

"What? The prep?"" I ask with a raised brow and he turns red

"Y-yeah that was kinda odd."

"Well we can do it without prep...but that'll hurt unless you wear a plug." His eyes widen in fear and his mouth falls into a small "o".

"What? No, no I am NOT doing that." He shakes his head vigorously to prove his point and I chuckle.

We fall into silence, swinging our arms as we tromp down to the public restrooms.

"You seemed kinda off...ya know, for such a seasoned pro." he jokes but ii make the mistake of saying silent instead of just laughing

"What?" He asks, looking me up and down. Why didn't I just laugh or shove him or something?

I didn't because I wasn't thinking right.

"Josh." He snaps his fingers in front of my face and I flinch "What?" 

"It's nothing Ty I'm fine." I say enthusiastically but he removes his hand from mine and crosses his arms

"I know something's wrong Josh and you better tell me right now." his voice is stern, giving me flashbacks to when I was scolded as a kid.

"Tyler...it doesn't even matter anymore." I mutter and he gives me a look. But not just any look, THE look. The Tyler Joseph signature "this is total bullshit" look.

"If that's the way you're gonna be..." he mumbles 

"What way? I'm not doing anything?!" My mind starts racing. No, no we are fighting. No fighting after sex that's an important rule it fucks everything up.

"You're being secretive! What is it, am I not good enough?!" he cries, stopping in his tracks and turns away from me. Fuck, he thinks this is about him...is he fucking crying oh my god not now please god I'll do anything.

"I've never fucked a guy, OK!" I yell and he stops shivering. 

"W-what?" He asks in a hushed voice and I grab his shoulders and spin him around.

"I've only ever had sex with girls." I admit and he looks down at me with his big, fat, endearing brown eyes and I feel so small. Even though I was more confident he was always taller and sometimes I felt taller, but when he got like this the difference was always prominent.

"What?" He repeats again and I can feel myself falling but I never hit the ground.

"Never mind, c'mon lets go." I grab his arm to continue our way but he yanks me back.

"No. Josh, why didn't you tell me that before?"

"Because I knew you were scared and I didn't want you to be even more worried that I wouldn't know what I was doing." I say quickly and he just keeps staring at me with an expression I can't read.

"You didn't tell me because you thought I'D be worried?" He clarifies and I nod

"Josh that's important. You should've told me that a while ago."I nod again, looking at my feet 

"I'm sorry. I-I just didn't want you to think less of me." confessions are really hard. This kind of confession is the ultimate.

"How could I ever think less of you?" He asks and his voice breaks at the last word. I look back up and he looks like I just punched him in the gut.

"I don't know. I was being stupid. I'm sorry Tyler."

"You're always sorry." He says but I don't think he meant it in a mean way "You are always apologizing. Even when it's not your fault." I don't know how to respond but he saves me the effort of talking by adding something to his argument "It's time I apologize for a change."

"No...no." I try to argue but he kisses me. His lips are hot and wet, pushing against mine with so much force you would think he hasn't kissed me in years.

"Josh," He gasps "I'm sorry for everything." 

We stay like that, in the middle of the forest's trail for god only knows how long. Only until we hear a squirrel is when I finally pull back.

"s-shower?" I ask through puffy red lips and he just smiles 

"Yeah c'mon." 

Once we reach the showers my mind is clear. No white noise no worries no secrets. Tyler suddenly runs away from me dashing into the shower and locking the door.

"DIBS!" he screams and I jog over and pound on the door 

"Hey no fair!" I yell back with a smile on my face. God was this kid hard to stay mad at.

"Excuse me but are you the one covered in cum?" He asks over the noise of the shower. i hear a loud yelp and a thump on the other side.

"Did you just hit the door?" I ask laughing and he whimpers from behind the locked door

"The water came out real cold, so I tried to get away..." I chuckle and and look around on the ground trying to find something to pick the lock. 

And there it is, with practically a beam of light from heaven shining on it.

A bobbi pin. 

A mischievous smile creeps along my face and I try to resist the urge to-to just-

I pick it up. 

"Josh? Why're you so quiet?" Tyler asks from inside, his voice bouncing off the cheap, chipping tile walls 

"Just waiting." I hum, twiddling it between my fingers before walking over to the door. I insert the broken black object into the keyhole of the plastic door and jiggle it around before I hear a small click. Tyler is humming a song I recognize as I slowly twist the knob and pull open the door.

His back is to me, his shoulder blades prominent despite his other muscles. I like to think they're so pointed because his wings are ready to sprout. He continues to hum but he shivers when the door opens.

"That deathcab?" I ask suddenly and he jumps out of his skin before spinning around, blushing furiously and covering himself. My eyes scan his body for a quick moment, water droplets spotting his tanned skin.

"JOSH!?" he shrieks, aghast.

"What?" I ask innocently, dropping the bobbi pin behind my back "You didn't lock it." I lie through my teeth as the Bobbi pin clinks at contact with the shower floor.

His eyes follow the pin due to the noise and they shoot back up to me. "are you fucking serious?" He half whines. 

I bite my lip and wink "what?" I take a tentative step forward and he stays still.

"Josh..." He warns with a small smile, turning around and dipping back under the water. I watch as long lines of clear liquid run down his back, dots of water perched atop his shoulders. "There's this thing called privacy, you should really look into it."

I smirk at his witty remark, but take off my shorts none the less and steal the shampoo from his hand. "This isn't the first time we've been in a shower together."

He sighs completely aggravated, and looks over his shoulder. "Jo-" his eyes flicker down, then back up. His mouth closes slowly and I watch as his cheeks flush a deep maroon and his ears twitch, along with something else."

"Ty-" I mimic and he rolls his eyes, grabbing the bottle back and sticking out his tongue.

"last time we were in a shower together we had clothes on." he pouts, squeezing the translucent pink goo into his hand and throwing it on top of his head. 

"I was just gonna wash your hair for you, nothing more." I tease, taking the bottle back and squeezing myself a pile.

"You don't need that much." He corrects my improper quantity of shampoo

"Oh sorry I just want to smell as good as possible...strawberry? Really Tyler?" I ask and he laughs

"I like to smell like fruit." he replies with an innocent smile

"You like to smell slutty." I say and he pretends to be shocked

"This doesn't smell slut....yeah it totally does." He cackles in his little high pitched voice and I could honestly melt right there on the grimy shower floor.

I watch Tyler move as he washes his hair. He sways from left to right, positioning himself so I have water as well, but not so I can really see him. He keeps his back to me and when he says something he has to look over his shoulder.

"Why are you hiding?" I ask after a minute and his face contorts faintly, nervousness mixed with guilt I'd say 

"I'm not." he replies coldly, looking over his shoulder.

"Then turn around." I say and he just shifts his weight from foot to foot. I rinse my hair off and grab him by the shoulders, spinning him around on his heels to face me. I move his body so he's completely under the jet stream, and he closes his eyes as water runs down his face.

"Isn't that better? You can see me now and I can see you? Not just your ass." I ask cockily and he just rolls his eyes and keeps his hands over his crotch.

"Not that you're complaining." He sneers, cupping his palms.

"Now, what's with all that?" I ask sweetly, moving his hands away and he shudder, avoiding eye contact.

"I don't know... I don't have to be exposed to you all the time, Josh." He says quietly, running a hand through his soapy hair and sighing.

"I know you don't... but I don't like it when you hide from me." I reply in almost a whisper. He shivers again and backs into the water, washing the suds out of his hair.

"You don't have to be self conscious Ty, I love everything about you." I say honestly, rubbing his shoulder with my cheek.

"I'm not self....ok." He sighs and closes his eyes again, thinking about something I probably can't imagine. "I don't usually take showers with other people." he laughs after a little bit.

"Yeah, neither do I, just couldn't help myself." I purr

"You seem to have a hard time doing that Joshua. Containing yourself." He says with a small smirk.

"It's not my fault you are always in clothes when you could be in nothing." I reply cheekily and he rolls his perfect, innocent, brown eyes that seem to leak childhood. I just shrug in acceptance and turn the heat up on the wall of the shower, pressing myself against Tyler in the process.

I grab a bar of soap and lather my body before handing it to him and switching positions under the head. My muscles relax under the hot spray and I feel my eyes roll back.

Then I grab a toothbrush from on top of my towel, reaching out from the door and feeling around for it. When I grab both the tube and the brush, I pull my arm back through the crack and watch Tyler's body move and he washes himself. Avoiding his eyes, I squeeze a thin line of white paste onto the bristles of my pink brush and hold it under the water for a second, popping it my mouth. 

I can feel the sudsy white foam of the paste dribbling out of the corners of my mouth, and I'm vaguely aware of the line of white that making it's way down my chin. My eyes glance up to see Tyler staring at me with a look on it's face I could simply describe as 'want'. 

"Don't get any ideas Mr. Joseph." I say with a chuckle, wiping the white foam dripping off my chin and spitting into the drain.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He mumbles, stepping back under the water with a satisfied smile.

"We were so anxious that night when we dyed Gerard's hair...remember that?" I ask and he nods 

"The sexual tension was unbearable." he jokes and I spin around and grab his waist

"not anymore hun." He makes a little choking noise from deep in his throat and I push him under the water, pinning him against the cool tile wall. "remember this?" he nods quickly, shaking water from his hair

"I had been trying to make you jealous all day." he admits, wrapping his arms around my neck "and boy did it work." He smiles deviously, grinding on me slightly.

In a flash I pick him up and push him Harder against the tile for support. He wraps his legs around my waist and links his ankles together behind me. "I was so turned on you have no idea." I growl in his ear. 

The blush is now covering his entire face. "really?" 

"hell yes." I chuckle and he kisses me, water dripping over our faces and in our eyes but we don't care.

"funny what eight months can do to someone." he says when I pull back. 

We kiss for about five more minutes, grinding on each other and just relishing in the skin on skin contact. I move my lips to his neck and rip a high moan from him. My teeth drag across the thin skin of his throat and a sharp gasp leaves his mouth. He then he starts to get fidgety. "Josh?"

"Yeah?" I pant and he wiggles out of my hold and onto his feet, wobbling for a second on the slippery wet floor. 

"they're gonna send out an amber alert or something if we don't get back." 

I laugh and grab a towel off the door, handing it to him after he turns off the water.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I have no idea what to do.  
> I think I'm in love with someone  
> He's sitting right next to me.  
> I think he's gay though.  
> help.


	40. Bagles and a Special Suprise

(Gerard's POV) 

A few days passed since the "incident." Frank was in better shape. I mean, his chest was a lot better and he slept for nine hours a day instead of thirteen. I assumed Tyler and his friends left to go camping or something, because they left yesterday morning after breakfast with giant backpacks and shit strapped to their backs. It was Saturday morning, and Mikey and I were playing checkers on the front porch while the rest of the guys were still sleeping. The sun crept up from the trees and cast a honey orange glow over the whole retreat, making the lake sparkle and shine like a diamond. 

"Gee." He says and I look back at him. He dyed his hair before we left for this trip and I kinda hate it. It's bleach blond instead of the old brown and I know he likes it because he's always flicking it around and tending to the roots. I know for a fact he loves my hair, that's why he dyed his but he didn't want to get any colors.

"What?" I ask before looking down "Goddammit, you beat me again?" 

"Yup." He smirks and takes a bagel off the splinter covered coffee table. 

"You're too good at this." I mutter and take a sip of coffee, relishing in the bitter black taste.

"Maybe I'm just the smarter one." He jokes and I roll my eyes

"Oh yeah sure." 

We sit still for a moment, taking in the scenery and listening to the birds and the waves on the lake. For once it's actually quiet, Tyler's cabin is always really noisy with screams and laughing and fighting. The other night or, morning I guess he was screaming his lungs out at Josh and Josh was retaliating, it sounded really bad.

"How have you been doing Gee, we haven't really talked in a while." Mikey says after a minutes and I tear my eyes away from the cabin.

"I-I've been doing...good." I say quietly "It's been hard to tell you the truth." It has been hard, the meds have been doing great but sometimes they make me moody and quiet. I don't think anyone has really noticed so that's good I hope.

He hums an approving noise and wipes cream cheese off his cheek "hard?"

"remembering all the exercises." I explain and he nods

"The breathing and stuff?"

"Yeah." I reply and look into my mug. There was too many ways to keep calm and Jenna had given me like twenty and I forget things a lot so when you're in the heat of the moment you don't really have time to remember a breathing pattern.

"Frank's been lookin better." he slurs, voice still foggy from sleep/

"Yeah he has." I sigh, looking through the screen door at his sleeping figure "He's been so brave."

"We should do something fun like the others did." Mikey suggests 

"Like what?" I ask and he shrugs

"definitely not camping." he laughs "we can't handle that."

I giggle "yeah...no way." He was right. We wouldn't be able to do something as extreme like that...not with our conditions.

I'm not really aware of what I have, I just take the medicine prescribed and pray for the best. I was told it was "minor mpd" or something like that, but I could care less. Mikey has ADD and anxiety, Bob deals with substance abuse but he won't really stop, and Frank has had some substance abuse in the past but his major thing was being abused. He's been trying to quit smoking, but I still catch him lighting up outside once and a while. I remember a couple months ago walking down to the basement and seeing him and Tyler's boyfriend sharing a cigarette. I hadn't asked him about it even though he was in a good mood that night.

When Frank was young his father did really terrible thing to him, and in return he started smoking, drinking, and obtained a fiery temper. It's not his fault when he gets mad, really it isn't, and I should know better not to do anything when he's in a mood but people forget sometimes. I forget things a lot, and it gets to be too much for him so I don't hold anything against his tempers. they aren't bad bruises when he does hit me, and he always apologizes afterwards so why should I be worried. Mikey doesn't know and neither does Bob but one time Ray saw him hit me and got really mad. That was a few years ago, before we got shipped off to that hell hole. 

But Frank was there for me when I needed him so now I'm here for him in return.

"So what do you want to do?' Mikey asks and I shrug, snapping back into reality.

"I have no idea." I say quietly, looking down at the wooden floors. There's the soft patter of footsteps coming from inside the cabin.

"Well you better think of somethin." He retaliates and I smile

"Ok I'll keep that in mind." I say after another long sip of coffee.

I hear the screen door scratching then popping open. My eyes wander to the doorway and a very disheveled Frank stands before us. his hair a wild mess of black and deep sleep lines cover his face from pressing into the comforter.

"G'morn." is all he says before stealing the mug from me.

"Hey!" I yell but he holds it above my reach

"One sip?" He asks with his bottom lip out and I can't say no

"fiiiiiine." He smiles and sips noisily at the drink before handing it back.

"I'd be careful Frank, you do that again and Gerard may just kill you."

"Oh will he? I'd like to see him try." Frank snorts and I cross my legs with an obnoxious scoff.

"Try? You're like four feet." 

"four feet deep in your ass." he coughs and I give him a questioning glare

"What was that Frankie?"

"Nothin."

"Better be." 

After a few seconds Bob makes his way outside, ruffling Frank's hair and taking half a bagel from Mikey's hand

"What is it with you guys and stealing food?" he asks "Gerard and I had to go get this ourselves."

"Boohoo." Frank sneers and sits up on the porch's railing swinging his feet "Sucks to suck." 

"aww stuff it." I tease Mikey "Don't be hangry we can always get more." 

Mikey just huffs and walks back inside, slamming the screen door.

"SOMEONE'S upset Pete left...." Bob scoffs 

"I FUCKING HEARD THAT!" Mikey yells from inside and I laugh, looking at the kids in the cabin next to us stare.

"He gets a little grumpy!" I yell at them and they just turn away slowly.

"GERARD GERARD C'MERE C'MERE!" Mikey screams from inside sounding way too excited.

"WHAT?! What is it?" I scream exasperatedly, swinging open the door to see Mikey holding his phone with a huge smile.

"G-G-GE" he tries to speak but he's too wound up

"Your words Mikes, words." I say calmly and he breathes, holding up a flashing phone screen.

"ITS RAY! RAY'S CALLING!" he shrieks like a five year old, waving the device around wildly.

"OH MY GOODNESS!" I scream. It's Ray, he's calling oh my god where do we start oh my-

Mikey presses "accept" and suddenly Ray's face appears in the middle of the screen.

"Hey guys!" he says with a big smile, his hair flopping around behind him.

"Hey dude! What's up!?" I ask, grabbing the phone from Mikey and he pouts 

"Nothing much here...just wanted to check in on my little campers!" he laughs at his own joke

"We are doing ok...there's been a few bumps but that's it." he frowns a little but still looks happy

"Well that's ok...is it pretty?" he asks and I nod

"it's beautiful here, there's a lake and woods and trees and so many animals..." I trail off and Mikey comes into frame 

"Yeah it's been really relaxing and fun."

"Well I'm glad you all are having a good time." he says and Frank runs in with a bang, eyes wide in shock and mouth hanging open.

"Do I hear Ray?!" He squeals, yanking the phone away. "IT IS!"

"Hey Frankie!" Ray exclaims and Frank beams 

"Hey Ray, we miss you so much!" he squeals cheerfully 

"I miss you all too." he replies "If I could only see you all." 

I take the phone from Frank and put it on the window sill, backing up and sitting on the bed with Frank and Mikey. Bob walks in and grins

"hey fucker!"

"Hi Bob." Ray groans with an endearing smile.

"Woah....nice hair Mikes." Ray says out of nowhere, leaning towards the screen "When did that happen?" 

"before we came." he says "Do you like it?' 

Ray laughs "Well it's better than strawberry shortcake next to you." I sigh and roll my eyes

"Red is better then purple, believe me." He chuckles 

"oh right... the Tyler kid pranked you right?" He chuckles and I pout. "you called me crying your eyes out." He goes on "It was kinda hilarious." 

"yeah so was bleaching my hair back." I frown and he just giggles.

"Well you fixed it did'n you, I would've liked to see purple."

I roll my eyes and Frank starts asking Ray about how things are going in Jersey. I sit quietly with a smile plastered on my face. We haven't talked to Ray in about a month. he's been busy with work and our phones are usually taken away at the hospital. After about ten more minutes of small talk and catching up, Ray says he has to go because of "work"

"Bye Ray!" we all say in unison and he waves before the screen goes black then flickers back to the home screen.


	41. Breakfast and Waterfalls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a snow day today so all I did was listen to Road to Joy and drew...oh, and I wrote this

(Tyler's POV) 

The walk back to our campsite was uneventful except for Josh trying to pull my shorts down repeatedly. He creeps behind me, nipping the back of my neck with his teeth and tugging at the waistband of my shorts. I continually shiver and he relishes in my discomfort, chuckling and then doing it again and again.

"will you cut it out?' I sigh angrily

"cut what out?" he asked, running in front of me and walking backwards so we are facing each other. He holds his hands behind his back and smiles with his eyes shut.

I roll my eyes in response, yanking up my loosely tied shorts. Josh was still dripping wet, dirt sticking to his feet and ankles 

"Why don't you dry off?"

"you ask that every time I shower Ty." 

"You never answer." I say, sounding crankier than I am. 

"I've told you before, I don't like to dry off...unless you want to lick the water off." He winks and turns around, skipping slightly.

"Your towel is gonna fall off if you keep skipping." I say hiding a giggle. He hadn't changed after we left despite my weird looks when he just slung his shorts over his freckled shoulder.

"Oh you'd love that wouldn't you." He teases, biting his lip over dramatically

"Yeah sure.... and the wildlife would really appreciate you flashing them at 11:00." I snap back

"Yeah sure? I knew you'd be into it." He smiles deviously and I can't get over how beautiful this goddamn boy is.

His hair is a bright highlighter yellow, as if it was the color of lightning itself. Curly, unruly, a mess of shocking canary colored locks. He had these perfect dimples that sat high on his cheeks every time his face crinkled into a smile, his eyes squeezing shut in pure joy. I didn't really know what perfection was until I saw him and if I told him that, he'd blush and deny it but he was truly gorgeous. His frame was sturdy, and built from working out frequently, even in hospice. he was shorter than me, a few inches but he always seemed so much bigger for some reason. He notices me studying him and jumps to the side, so that he's at my right. 

"Quit staring." He says suddenly and I smile

"I can't help it, your criminally good looking Joshua." I blurt, not really thinking

"correction, you're criminally good looking." he takes my hand and I blush furiously, trying to wipe the red off my face with my left hand. 

"How dare." I say and he looks at me 

"what?"

"that was a compliment for you, not for me." I mutter and he nods 

"Oh, ok. I'll just keep my comments to myself from now on." he snickers and squeezes my hand. I bite my bottom lip. 

"I'm glad you told me...about that being your first time with a guy." I say quietly and he smiles. 

"yeah, I'm glad I told you to...but its not like it was my first time. I've gotten blowjobs and stuff from dudes." He says and I laugh, more blush spreading across my face like wildfire. 

"Mmmhmmm." I murmur. 

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, considering how much you wanted to fuck me." He says smugly and I groan. 

"You better stop with that, those were my private thoughts. By the way, I technically didn't fuck you, you fucked me." He rolls his eyes. 

"Fine, you'll fuck me next time." I giggle, sounding like a girl, and we walk with a little more bounce in our steps. 

Josh starts to hum something a little too familiar and I raise an eyebrow in suspicion. I know that tune too well.

"What's that?" I ask and he stops immediately, turning bright red.

"N-nothin." He mumbles and looks away.

"Josh..." I ask in a warning tone and he nibbles his bottom lip. I knew what he was humming and he better not have been eavesdropping to get the melody.

"sorry." He says quietly and I roll my eyes 

"sorry?"

"I was listening to you sing in the shower the other day, I knew I shouldn't have been but it sounded so nice." his hand is clammy in mine, fingers still prune from the hot water.

"Josh...that's my private time, you know that." I couldn't help but be flattered by him wanting to be so close all the time. And thought I was clingy.

"Yeah I know...I wish I could hear all your songs." He whines, swinging our arms.

"Maybe if I had more time to work on them you'd be able to hear them." I reply hastily. I try my best to work on my songs but there's always something going on.

"Well I thought it sounded great." He says, kissing my cheek sloppily.

"Oh?" I say before turning my face and catching his lips on mine. He brushes his against mine lightly, and dives in for a way too passionate kiss. Our mouths battle against each other relentlessly, then I feel his tongue slide against mine. I shudder in his hold and he makes a hungry noise in the back of his throat. He releases my hand and wraps his around my waist, pulling me closer. I put my arms around his shoulders and play with the hair on the nape of his neck. Our noses rub together as our faces collide and I feel his towel start to slip. 

He makes a little gasping noise and I move my hands down to yank it back up, tying it tightly around his wet chiseled waist.

"thanks babe.' He breathes and I open my eyes to see his now green eyes staring back at me. His lips surge forward again and envelop mine, tracing my mouth with his tongue once more. I feel the tip of his tongue tickle the roof of my mouth and I giggle, pulling back and licking his neck.

"You know I hate that." I say, nipping at his skin.

"you know I love that." He groans, pressing me even closer to him. We kiss again and again and it goes on for a couple seconds. I pull back after another minute and realize we've been standing in the middle of the woods making out for not one minute, but ten.

"Oh crap." I mutter "it's probably 11:15, they'll be awake by now." 

"Right." he mutters, felling the back off his neck where my scratches lie red and tingling on his skin. "God Ty, if only we had another half hour."

I snicker smugly "Ok bigshot you want round two?' He nods rapidly. So much so I think his neck'll snap.

"Yes, yes!" He whimpers and I just roll my eyes. 

"sorry hun but your gonna have to wait." he sighs sadly

"Ok fine." he responds softly, taking my hand again and pulling me up the trail.

"JOSH? TYLER?" We hear someone yell so we start running, Josh holding his towel with one hand as he ran.

"WERE RIGHT HERE!" He booms and we reach the campsite, panting and sweaty 

"Jesus guys, you scared the shit out of us." Brendon breathes, running a hand through his messy hair.

"sorry I wanted to shower." I say, pulling on a shirt.

"Shower?" Pete pokes his head out of his tent "You dirty dog Joshua." I blush and Josh laughs

" I wish, he locked me out of the showers." Josh lies, going into the tent to change. He comes out seconds later, wearing boxers and a tank top.

"Ha, fucking rejected." Brendon giggles, getting a Cliff bar out of Ryan's bag

"Yeah, it hurt." Josh wipes a fake tear and winks at me but no one saw. He slinks over to me and kisses the back of my ear.

"I lied to my friends Ty." He purrs and I look over my shoulder.

"You wanna tell them what we've been doing all morning?" I ask with a raised brow.

"Not really..." he laughs and hugs my waist, licking up my neck quickly and making me release a cut off yelp. Brendon looks over at us and fakes vomiting noises, covering his eyes

"My sweet virgin soul!" he cries, a hand over his heart

"virginity is just a social construct." Ryan corrects from inside the tent, his voice muffled. 

"And you aren't a virgin." Pete adds, stretching his arms.

"so...once everybody's awake do you wanna find the waterfall?" Ryan asks, peeking out through his tent's flap.

"Why not?" I say with a shrug and sit on the grass, stroking the fine blades of pure emerald green with rough fingers. It's soft and prickly at the same time, it feels like a scratchy sweater, and when you cross your eyes it looks like a chartreuse blanket covering the forest floor.

"Good mornin good mornin it's time to sing good mornin, good mornin good mornin to you." Ryan sings a catchy tune while Brendon whistles along, tapping his foot.

"My mom used to sing it to me every morning when I was really little." Ryan explains and I smile, my heart swelling at the memory he's willing to share.

For the first time today, I look up and scan the semi cloudy sky. it's still fairly humid, the air thick with summer lust and leftover spring pollen. Josh sits criss cross behind me and rubs my back, while Brendon lays on the forest floor face first in the grass with Ryan sitting on his back. Pete was stirring Patrick while Dallon had left to take a shower. 

"The air is so much...." Josh starts 

"sweeter." I say and he pinches my back softly

"Exactly! Kinda like..."

"Syrup?"

"How are you so good at this?" He gushes, rubbing my shoulders making me crane my neck and wince in pain. I never really liked rough massages.

"I told you guys, I'm literally psychic."

Josh scoffs, and ruffles my semi wet hair, almost dry and frizzy from the hot June air.

"Mmmmmm." He hums, nose in my hair. "Slutty strawberry." 

I roll my eyes and lean back on him dramatically, splaying my arms on either knee.

All was calm. Birds chirping their little melodies and trees swaying in the subtle wind.

I couldn't ask for anything more. I didn't want anything more.

But then I hear

him.

"Miss me G?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think once part 3 is done I'll write a fic about TOP and P!ATD being in a correctional facility for criminally insane teens...whattya think?


	42. Blurry and Brownie Bars

(Tyler's POV)

I choke on a gasp, sitting up suddenly, heaving in a fit of coughs as I double over. Josh jumps up and holds me, patting my back and grabbing water.

"What? Ty? Are you ok?" He asks hurriedly, getting in my face and I back up, scooting away and dragging my body through the dirt.

"Tyler?" Ryan jumps up and now it's getting crowded.

"No...no...please." I gasp out, putting my hands in front of me for whatever protection I thought that'd provide.

"Ty?" Josh asks, his voice cracking pathetically.

"....space...." I choke out and he immediately back up, pushing Ryan and Brendon away.

"He needs room, back up." He commands like a body guard.

"Ok ok geez." Brendon argues, still looking concerned. 

"What do you need?" Josh asks wearily and I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing.

in....out.....in.....out... 

Hello? 

I open my eyes to see the three of them staring down at me with beyond worried looks on their faces.

Where is he? 

I twitch my neck, allowing him freedom to speak but nothing comes.

What the hell?

"Tyler?" Josh asks sternly, holding my shoulders

"I'm....he's.....gone." I whisper "It's alright." 

Josh sighs heavily, throwing his head back in relief. 

"Do you need anything?" Josh asks and I nod.

"you." 

"Ok...ok." He repeats slowly, hiding pink cheeks.

He lowers himself into the grass, sitting criss cross again behind me and I surge forward, crawling into his lap and burying my face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm ok now." I mumble and he just shushes me, running his hands through my hair and pressing me farther into his skin. 

"I know, I know you are...do you wanna tell me what happened?" He whispers softly and I nod slowly

"He was in my head...then, just went away." I can't see Josh's face but i'm sure it would've looked really confused. What I didn't know was that it was proud.

"That's good Ty!" he says encouragingly "You made him go away all by yourself!" I made a small smile, I wanted to believe that but I had this sneaking suspicion that Blurry was just giving me a taste of power, luring me into a false sense of security. 

"Yeah I guess..." 

"What?" He asks again

"nothing." 

"Tyler Robert."

"Fine...I don't think I actually did anything." i look up at him and he frowns

"Tyler. You did, trust me. You can do so much more than you think." I pull a smile for him, baring my teeth and I tilt my chin up expectantly.

"What?" he asks for the fifth time today. 

"Jish" I whimper, puckering my lips. He tilts his head as if he's confused.

"I don't know what that means, you have to use your words." 

I roll my eyes and pout. "Please Jish." 

"Please what Tyler?" He teases

"Kiss me Josh." I say stubbornly and he leans in.

"Well if you say so." he says sarcastically and pecks my cheek.

I slump into him, making a horrible face "I didn't want that."

"Well what do you want?" 

"a real kiss Joshua." He smiles at the use of his full name and complies, kissing me full on the lips as passionately as he can muster.

I taste...berries? And sweet sugar. I open my mouth and he delves deeper, tongue sliding against mine in harmony.

"You taste so good." I gasp out suddenly, and Josh smirks, pulling away with a surprised face.

"Oh?" He raises his eyebrows "What do I taste like?" 

"Cherries." I pant and he nuzzles my neck 

"Mmmm."

"What do I taste like?" I wheeze 

"I'm not sure, I think I need to check again." he says smugly

"Oh, ok." I puff and he captures my lips again, pushing his tongue into my mouth.

He pulls back after a bit "vanilla." 

I throw my head back and he kisses my neck. "thanks sugar." 

"That's disgusting." he chuckles

"Sorry honeybuns." I joke and he gags

"Even worse."

"I'll try harder sweet cheeks." 

"Oh god." he chokes and I laugh, licking up his neck.

"You do realize we haven't gone anywhere." Ryan says suddenly, his voice breaking the thick fog of passion Josh and I created.

"Oh shit." Josh mutters and I laugh.

"Sorry guys." I mumble, rolling out of Josh's grip and back onto the grass "Sorry you had to see that."

"It's fine." Ryan sighs and gets an apple out of his backpack and putting on a pair of shoes with the apple lodged in his mouth.

Brendon picks up the protein bar he dropped and rips it open. taking a big bite.

"G'mornin guys." Patrick yawns, getting out of the tent, Pete following at his heels 

"Good mornin Trick." Josh says lightly, laying on his back and I crawl over to put the back of my head on his stomach.

"Ugh...don't- do that Ty I have to pee." Josh grunts and I smile devilishly, moving my head farther down his stomach.

"Ty-don't." he huffs, trying to shrug me off but I press the back of my head into his crotch and he makes a noise between a moan and a painful gasp.

"What if I do." I retaliate and he sits up suddenly, sending my head flying to the dirt.

"that." he mutters, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. "I'm gonna go pee, DON'T follow me." he warns, walking off towards the forest. I make a noise of disgust, sitting up.

"Brendon do you have any more of those?" I point to his hand and he nods

"Yeah, chocolate chip or brownie."

"brownie." I reply and he walks over to his tent, returning with a granola bar in purple wrapping.

"here." he tosses it to me and I rip it open, taking a big bite of the chocolate goodness and chewing thoroughly.

"i'm gonna go get Josh.' I say with a smirk.

"He told you not to though." Ryan says, taking the apple out of his mouth. 

"I know, that's why i'm gonna."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY TOOK THEIR FUCKING PANTS OFF OML 
> 
> IM SOBBING THEY DID IT WE DID IT OML OML


	43. Close Calls and Waterfalls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep re watching the Grammys and I can't stop smiling whenever Josh's hair comes into frame oml.
> 
> Oh and my Pretty. Odd vinyl came in the post today and I'm so excited! It's one of the limited edition purple/yellow swirled ones and I heard that there's only about 1,200 ever made! It's a real beauty and I recommend if you don't have one get one.

"Tyler, he told you not to." Ryan warns but I just start off towards the opening trail, leading back into the woods.

"TYLER!" Ryan yells after me but I just keep walking, waving him away over my head.

"Fine, but if you get yelled at it's not MY FAULT!" he yells again, cupping his hands over his mouth.

"I'll keep that in mind!" I scream and he just sighs dramatically 

"NOT MY FAULT!" he repeats before giving up.

"what are they fighting about now?" I hear Josh's deep voice mutter. I freeze in my place. If he catches me sneaking behind him I'll be in big trouble. When I start to hear old dead leaves crunching is when I turn around in a circle quickly, finding a place to hide. Then i see a tree. The leaves get louder and I jump onto the first branch, climbing up higher until I'm way too high for just hiding.. Josh starts humming and I move my leg over to steady myself. But my foot doesn't touch anything. My foot slips on nothing and suddenly I'm falling, catching a thick branch above my head and having nowhere to put my legs. I'm holding on for dear life, my feet dangling below me as I swing back and forth as if I was an inspirational cat poster. I sigh heavily, rolling my eyes in frustration. 

"hnng." I grunt, trying to pull myself up but i was never very good at that in gym class. 

My arms are starting to hurt and my feet are waving around below me frantically, trying to touch ground but there's a good five feet to go.

"shit." I breathe out and access the situation, footsteps approaching louder now.

Fuck fuck...I think to myself in a daze. How the hell am I gonna get down without blowing my cover. I could drop to the ground, no. I could hang here for god knows how long, maybe. I could ask for help, definitely not. I look up into the vast sky of leaves around me and sigh, closing my eyes as my fingers start to callous. 

"let me guess, just hanging around?" A voice asks snarkily and I don't want to look down. " you seem to be in a very sticky situation Tyler Robert." 

I don't answer, I just huff out a frustrated breath and swing my feet, hitting something. 

"That's my back sweetie." Josh calls up to me and I finally look down, smiling as innocently as I can without looking too sappy. He's directly below me, looking up with a smug smile. "Having fun?" 

"Stuff it." I wheeze, tightening my grip on the branch.

"Oh...so you don't want help?" he turns to leave 

"I don't have to give it to you. You were just blatantly ignoring my commands baby boy."

"Getting dominate aren't we, daddy?" I reply, sounding EXTREMELY bratty. 

"Don't start Tyler." he mumbles, aggravated with my attitude "sass won't get you anywhere."' 

I kick my legs again and whimper "I just wanted to see you." 

"geez Tyler I just wanted to pee." 

"when someone tells you no, you automatically wanna see why Josh." he rolls his eyes and my hold starts slipping. "J-Josh!" I shriek, flailing my legs

"Oh my god....come here Tyler." he sighs, holding out his arms. 

I let myself drop, squeezing my eyes shut as I plummet into Josh's arms. He makes a groaning noise at the impact, but catches me none the less. 

"Thank you." I squeak and he just huffs, carrying me back to the grounds. 

"You're in big trouble." is all he says before putting on a smile and walking to the fire. I swallow in fear and look up at him with puppy eyes that he purposefully ignores.

"I told you not to Tyler." Ryan boasts at our approaching figure.

"Shut up." I mutter and Josh dumps me into Ryan's lap.

"I found this escaped convict dangling from a tree branch." he laughs 

"Told you you'd get caught dummy." Ryan says, looking down at my face "But a tree? Really?'

"I had to hide or he'd know I was snooping." I confess "I lost my footing though." 

"Yeah no shit." Brendon laughs "Did you fall?"

"No, he begged me to catch him." Josh lies and I roll my eyes

"Classic," brendon giggles "I'm gonna wake Dal, that ok?" 

"Oh I'll help you." Pete says out of nowhere, getting a can of shaving cream out of his bag.

"hell no." Patrick makes a grab at the can but Pete waves it away

"hell yes." he sniggers and Brendon does as well, creeping over to Dallon's tent.

"oh god." Ryan breathes and I chuckle, looking in the direction of the tent that Pete and Brendon were crawling into.

I wait exactly 58 seconds before Brendon and Pete come stumbling out of the tent, tripping over the doorway and scampering to their feet as A very angry and very loud Dallon staggers out of the tent behind them, face covered in shaving cream.

"What the hell guys!?" He booms at the cackling teenagers, cowering behind their boyfriends. 

"Don't hide behind me doofus." Ryan shoves Brendon away and he shrinks when Dallon stomps over.

"What the hell dude?!" he yells and Brendon is visibly trying to hold back laughter as a chunk of white foam falls off his face. Josh giggles behind me and gets up to walk over to Brendon, yanking his shirt off of his body and hands it to Dallon.

"Thanks man." Dallon says graciously, wiping his face with the tee."

"Hey!" Brendon fumes and Dallon just scoffs, twisting the shirt.

"Want it back?" he teases, snapping the makeshift whip at Brendon.

He yelps at the contact and jumps back, running away from Dallon as he looms over him.

I laugh and sit back down, watching Dallon chase Brendon around the camp, snapping the towel repeatedly as Brendon pleads innocent.

"It was all Pete's idea! It's his shaving cream asshole!" Dallon turns to Pete, still side eyeing Brendon.

"snitch." spits Pete an then he's being chased by Dallon as Brendon smirks, rubbing his back that's now red from Dallon's "punishment" 

(Josh's POV)

After everyone was fed, watered, clean, and well rested, it was time to actually do something. We got our smaller backpacks, filled them with food and water, and started out in search of the illusive waterfall we've been so desperate to find. Before we left, everyone was given a bottle of sunscreen and a map. Then after that, we started out on the trail. 

"It shouldn't be far," Patrick started, sounding enthusiastic " 

"Yeah, just listen for the water, right Trick?" I asked

"yep." he said beaming. I hadn't really noticed 'till now, but all our appearances had really changed since we got here. Ryan and I's hair had been curlier than ever, and seeing him with it natural instead of always straightened down was a nice change. Tyler's hair had gotten out of control, just a huge ball of fluff on top of his head. I had made a mental note to shave him when we got back, whether he liked it or not. I needed a trim as well, and I'm sure Brendon's shaggy mane could use a little shaping.

Our bodies had changed as well, me becoming a little more toned, probably from lifting Tyler all day. Patrick had lost a lot of weight for some reason. he never really needed to, and I don't know how he did it so fast. Besides that, we had all gotten fairly tanner. Tyler was a really nice shade of semi dark brown, when I asked him how he got so dark so fast he told me that he is part Lebanese, though I don't really believe him. I was still kinda pasty, but I don't usually tan. Pete had gotten really tan too, but other than them, the rest of us were still in need of sun.

I walked along barefoot, my mom used to call them "beach feet" because they wouldn't burn on the hot sand after a few days on the beach. The rest of the guys donned flip flops but frankly I didn't need them, the grass and dirt didn't hurt so why would I need shoes. Patrick was babbling along with Dallon in the front while Brendon and Pete hung behind, snickering about some inside joke I didn't understand. Ryan, Ty and I were in the middle of the pack, looking around at the trees and wildlife. I start to doze off a bit, my feet dragging against the dirt and no doubt getting under my nails.

"psst." I hear a tiny high voice and I turn, smile already stretching across my face.

"Psst." I whisper back 

"Why are you sleeping?" He mimics the girl from Nemo and I laugh out loud, wrapping my hand around his waist.

"I wasn't." I argue, rubbing my eyes with my opposite hand. Just as I did I tripped on a root and Tyler laughs

"You need me to carry you?" He asks sarcastically.

"Will you?' I ask with wide eyes and he sighs, opening his arms 

"I'm not sure I can..." i jump into his arms and he carries me a few wobbly steps.

"Am I too fat?" I ask pouting.

"Yeah sorry." he breathes and I make a sad face.

"That's not very nice." i whine and he kisses my cheek.

"I'm only kidding."

As we venture forth the sound of rushing water increases, until it's almost deafening.

"IM GUESSING WE'RE HERE!?" Brendon screams and Patrick nods

We approach an opening, covered with a curtain of leaves and Dallon pulls them apart to reveal a beautiful cove, with a large body of water with an enormous waterfall filling it rapidly as a small winding river takes the flood away in another direction. We stand speechless at it's beauty, taking in the deep royal blue water rushing down the silver glistening rock.

"holy shit." I wouldn't have heard it if he was another step away from me.

"woooow." Brendon gasps, almost snapping his neck as he craned it to see everything at once.

"This is incredible." I say, mouth agape in pure awe.

I go to nudge Tyler but he isn't there.

"Tyler? Where's Tyler?" I ask but everyone just shrugs. I start to get worried, looking around more frantically until I hear-

"I"M GONNA JUMP!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Things have changed for meeeeeee."
> 
> *record crackles*
> 
> "you remind me of a former love..."


	44. "Suicide" attempts and Coves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aye guys I can't believe how long this is ugh I don't know what setting part 3 is gonna be in halp.

"Don't! You have so much to live for!" I yell smiling. Tyler stands at the very tip of the waterfall, defying the laws of speed because he must've climbed that thing in a minute flat.

He exhales his signature high pitched cackle, throwing his head back. "IM GONNA DO IT!" He teeters on his feet, still fully clothed and I shake my head in amusement and disbelief. 

"NO, I LOVE YOU!" I call back at him, and he takes a staggering step forward. then backs up a few steps.

"I LOVE YOU TOO BUT I HAVE TO JUMP!" He screams, flailing his arms like a crazed bird.

"NO TYLER PLEASE, DON'T YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN!?" I yell, still laughing my ass off.

"YEAH BUT I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR COLLEGE!" he laughs again, making it rain invisible dollars.

"PLEASE COME DOWN!" I say again, and he just throws his head back in mock irritation.

"I CAN FLYYYYYYY!" He screams and Brendon joins in with the yelling. 

"TYLER NO JOSH'LL BE ALL ALONE, DON'T YOU WANT HIS DICK?" I shove him backwards and he chuckles as I give him a warning look.

"OH RIGHT, THAT'S ONE THING TO LIVE FOR!" He laughs and looks down at us, making obscene hand gestures that make me blush.

"Jesus Christ." I mutter, hiding my face."Tyler, you're gonna hurt yourself!" 

"Come up here and stop me!" He shouts down and gives me a challenging smirk that says 'you won't' 

"TYLER!" I bellow and he just struts around on the very tip of the cliff.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" he screams and it almost sounds like he's being serious. The tear in his voice and the sincerity behind his words hit me strangely. The worst possible scenarios start to flood my mind and I'm on the brink of a panic attack I can tell.  
`  
I walk over to the waters edge, pulling my shirt over my head. "Tyler?" 

His face scrunches from what I can see, and he takes a couple steps back before running forward, four steps until he's off the edge, and plummeting towards the deep navy pool. A loud splash resonates throughout the glistening cove below the cliff and the cool water washes out of the tidal pools and between my toes. His body hits the water with a short crack then he sinks to the bottom like a stone. From where I'm standing he stays underwater, sitting what looks to be criss cross as a halo made of bubbles surrounds his head. Once he surfaces, a huge smile covers his face as he doggy paddles towards us with his hand over his hair pretending to be a shark. 

I hear Brendon and the others laughing behind me and I start to chuckle as well. Patrick starts to hum the Jaws theme until Tyler reaches the surface again, this time gasping for air. His hair is plastered to his forehead in a dark wet mop, goosebumps immediately covering his body as he rises out of the cool water. His shirt is stuck to his torso by the liquid, making his tattoos stick out clearly through the thin wet material. He stands up to his chest in the water and wades towards closer to us, then turning over on his back like an otter. His body floats along with the current, hitting the bank with a soft thud and he looks up at me. Eyes deep and glassy, boy submerged halfway underwater, his black tee swirls around him like spilled ink, wrapping around his frame and floating in the water. 

"That was fun." is all he says, a childlike grin spreading across his tanned and still smiling face. 

I roll my eyes, and cross my arms "How'd you get up there so fast?" he just shrugs and winks at me, making me feel really dumb for some reason.

"Climbed." He says, dunking his head under.He shakes his hair out like a dog, spraying me with water. "But I'll never reveal my secrets of climbing." I roll my eyes for the hundredth time today 

"That was dangerous Ty, you could've hurt yourself." I chastise as he surfaces once more, glaring at me

"Sorry Mom." he teases.

I huff and watch as Pete and Dallon start running up the rocky hillside, slipping and stumbling on their flipflops. 

"I was worried for a second there Ty." I sigh, running a hand through my knotty highlighter hair.

"Don't be. I'm a big boy." He smiles with his eyes crinkled in joy and I can't help but smile.

"Yeah sure." I scoff, kicking at him while staying on land. The water reflects onto the grey walls of the cover, sending dancing beams of light along the rocky fore walls. The waterfall's flow fell in front of the little cave, making it a sort of secret hiding place behind the curtain of clear blue water, whitewash at the base of the powerful stream. 

"What? I'm not a child." He pouts, still wading around, clothes floating around him and swaying gracefully in the pool. He peels off his soaked shirt, twisting it and wringing out as much water he can before tossing it to Ryan. "could you hang that on a branch or something?'

"i never said you were a child." I watch Ryan lay the sopping tee on a sunlit branch. 

"I know you didn't. i'd never blame you for anything....daddy." he says while Ryan can't hear us. I purse my lips, staring down at Tyler as he struggles to pull off his shots while still laying on his back. 

He avoids my eyes "Don't you start Tyler Robert." he giggles, still looking away and throws the shorts at Ryan, who catches them with a sigh and reluctantly hangs them up.

"Can you help me out pweeze?" He squeaks, holding out his arm and I take it with a groan, pulling him up. But he doesn't budge. He plants his feet in the mud below and yanks me hard, causing my to fall forward with a slight yelp.

My body hits the cool water face first, flopping onto my stomach with a slap and I throw my head up, gasping for air. "TYLER!" I yell as he figure as it retreats into the shadowed cave at the other end of the pond. "get back here!" 

"Try and get me, BITCH!" he sings back, looking over his shoulder with an evil smile. 

I scoff, peeling off the rest my clothes and following his body as it disappears under the waterfalls wrath. In a few seconds I can't see him at all through the waterfall's blockade. 

Brendon and Ryan are taking off their clothes behind me and the rest of the guys hang back, unpacking their food and towels. Pete and Dalllon's figures fall gracefully as they jump off the highest tier of the cliff, Dallon diving in a straight line and Pete cannonballing. As i dodge their bodies falling into the water like bombs, I duck under the waterfalls heavy weight as it tries to force my head under water. 

When I surface a gasp escapes my lungs, trying to suck in as much air as I can after being held under by the surge of water behind me. Looking around the dimly lit cove, I watch the light from outside bounce around in thin streams of golden. "Tyler?" no response, not surprising. 

I huff, and dive underwater, holding my breath and just letting my body swirl around in the chilly pond. My legs twist around and I let my arms delicately flutter around me, as if I were a dancer. My hair is stuck to my forehead as I'm above water once more, and I see nothing but dark inky water and glistening cave walls, thin and sharp stalactites hanging from the ceiling of the cove as if it were some monster and we were in the mouth of it. I wade over to a wall and touch it, feeling the rough sparkly grey under my fingertips.

"Joshie..." i hear a voice behind me sing and I whip around, Tyler floating four feet away from me, a small smile tugs at his cheeks battling with his hooded eyes. i lunge forward, tackling him under the water. He laughs before we hit the water, wrapping his arms around my back like a koala and I drag him through the current underwater. He spits a flow of bubbles from his mouth and I smile, water filing the cracks between my teeth. We swim together as one figure, kicking our legs and he digs his face into my collar as I pull him out of the water. He pretends to be dead as I hold him in my arms, hanging limp. I wipe the wet hair out of his face and he giggles slightly, eyes still closed.

"I'm dead Josh, dead." he whispers, fake crying and hanging limp like a rag doll. 

"Oh no." I say sarcastically "Tyler's dead.' he flops further into my arms, hanging his head back as far as it'll go So much so that it's touching the water, cool liquid tickling his scalp.

"Does he need mouth to mouth resuscitation?" I ask with a smile and Tyler's finger twitches. 

"Maybe." he whispers so faint his lips don't move.

"Well if I can save his life I'll do anything." I say and his eyelashes flutter.

Slowly I lean forward, pulling his head up by his neck to meet my lips. I tilt my head to connect our lips and his stay un moving. I push his face against mine gingerly, pressing our lips together. His rub against mine teasingly and I dart my tongue against his bottom lip, forcing his mouth open. I push air into his mouth from mine and he started to writhe,, panting slightly as I dove into his mouth again, kissing fiercely. 

"Mmmg-Josh." I open my eyes and pull back. Tyler's lower half is completely submerged underwater and he's currently gasping for air. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't totally hot.

"It's alive!" I gasp sarcastically and he giggles

"You saved me!" he gushes, wrapping his arms around my neck and playing with the wet curls. 

"I knew I could!" I whisper excitedly and he giggles again, rubbing my cheek with a wet palm, dragging his fingers across my jaw. 

He does his best to lean towards me, and I meet him halfway, connecting our lips in another passionate kiss, then dragging my lips down the side of his neck. He wiggles in my grip as I trace his throat with my teeth, letting out little yelps and moans as I bite harder. 

"Nnnng, Josh." He murmurs as I start to suck his collarbone. His nails dig into my back, sure to leave small pale pink half moons in the skin. My tongue traces the indent at the base of his throat and he shakes under me, eyes rolling back slightly.

"Hmmm, still got that kink do we?" I ask with a wink and he opens his eyes looking mildly uninterested.

"You still got yours....right daddy?" he asks with that fucking high pitched innocent voice and I want to fuck him right here in the water.

"Bet your perfect ass I do." I growl, tilting forward and nuzzling his neck with my nose. We stay like that for a few minutes just floating around and humming songs to each other.

"My boxers are soaked." I say suddenly and he burst out laughing. I start to blush realizing just how fucking random that was.

"God, say it again daddy!" He moans, breaking into another fit of high pitched laughter and I bury my face in his neck.

"I didn't mean to say it like that." I chuckle, blush receding. 

"I know...I just like to make fun of you." He giggles and I stand up with him still in my arms. He looks up at me with big glassy brown eyes and I smile wide, dropping him in the water. 

he hits the glassy liquid with a smack, crumpling his face as he fell in as to hold his breath. he reappeared seconds later with a truly pissed off expression.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I hear him yell but I'm already paddling back to the shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom keeps trying to talk to me but I keep pushing her away I tell her I want to talk but I just want to be alone and she doesn't understand and I'm confused and feeling so lost and alone and I don't know where to go because everyday is the same and I'm just so, so confused. I don't know what the most healthy thing to say is and that hurts me the most. pretending I'm ok.
> 
> I'll try to avoid those eyes


	45. Next Week and The Calander

(Tyler's POV) 

The weekend was over too quick. We hauled our crap back to the campsite after an amazing three days and I couldn't have been happier we went. It was such a fun experience that I'll never forget and neither will the rest of the guys. After the weekend was over so was the month, and soon enough we only had one week left at camp. 

One week and we'd be sent back to hell. 

I tried to relish every last bit of the retreat before we departed but the closer we got to leaving the more anxious I became. Josh had a panic attack a couple days ago but it was nothing Brendon couldn't handle. he just went right over and calmed him down while Ryan assured me it wasn't my fault. It wasn't. He had just gotten really nervous about going back to the hospital and I didn't know why. I mean, we were all distraught but I was kinda missing it, as much as I hate it. Everyone of us knew that the summer was doomed to end, and that it was unavoidable. Ryan tried to make the best of it, saying we'd have fun at the hospital just like old times but I saw the longing in his eyes as he spoke.

I remember Gerard telling me "You can't stay in one place to long, but your shadow lives on without you." 

I didn't really understand him, but it made sense after a long night of thinking.

I remember Brendon singing us a song in front of the fire "Summer's on it's deathbed, there is simply nothing worse then knowing how it ends..." 

It was true, there was nothing worse then knowing deep in our hearts that this would be over soon.

Soon enough we only had one day.

That one day was comprised of packing in silence, eating leftovers from the other night, and saying goodbye to everything that we had come to love the past two months. The wooden rocking chairs, the creaky bunks, the cardinal carving in the wall we had always smacked before entering the cabin. 

The sweeter than Ohio syrupy smell that is Pennsylvania. 

I was sad to leave, sad to return to closed doors and florescent lights. Schedules and shots.

But at the same time I was itching to get back as soon as possible. 

When morning came, six thirty to be precise, we shuffled out of the cabin in sweatpants and hoodies, looking back at the canopy and trees we had grown so accustomed to seeing everyday. We thanked the people that worked there, and walked down to the lake one final time. Every person picked a rock from the shore to commemorate the summer. 

Mine was dark dark blue. Like the water under the waterfall the first time we went camping. We had gone out once more, a few weeks ago, but the first time had been the most memorable. 

Silence hung in the air that morning. No jokes, no talking, no humming and even no eye contact. We were just zombies, forced onto the bus that would take us back "home" 

But home is where your heart is.

And I left my heart in Pennsylvania. 

I knew it would take time for us to settle back home, back to our usual hospital rhythm, but in the end it was what's best for us.

At least that's what Eshleman told me. 

I had heard a rumor from Dallon that Breezy told him there would be a big change when we got back, one that would change everything. I wasn't looking forward to what that change was. 

Change is a terrible thing if you ask me. 

It's full of regret and longing and wishing you could go back to how it used to be. Like when you rearrange everything in your room and have to put it all back the way it was before cause you just can't sleep in a bed that faces the hallway. 

I wasn't ready for another change, especially if it would change everything. If everything meant being away from Josh, I'll sleep on the floor.

My head rested on Josh's shoulder the way back, watching the lilac sky turn to amber, then to a crisp golden, then to an uplifting blue. Josh was listening to a recording of rain and thunder, eyes closed and almost comatose except for his gentle heartbeat that had made it's way into his throat somehow. Brendon and Ryan were asleep ten minutes into the drive, and the rest of the boys were lost in their own music, earbuds crammed into their ears angrily. I took one out of Josh's ear and pressed it to mine, drinking in the soothing sound of rain hitting ground in soft patters, while angsty thunder interrupted it noisily. We had sex again after my first time, we had it many times this summer, but each time was in it's own moment, and I'll never forget any of it. Gerard and the others had made amends with us, and we even started to sit together at meals. 

I watched Josh's face, studying it for a few minutes until he opened an eye, looking down at me as if he knew I was analyzing him. No words left his lips, he only took my hand in his and held the intertwined fingers in his lap, rubbing his thumb against my knuckles in a pattern he used often. A kiss was planted on my forehead and both our gazes drifted towards the window once more, waiting patiently in fear and anticipation for what was waiting for us back

"home" 

I had expressed to Josh my concerns, but he had brushed it off, saying that "whatever happens, we will still be together."

but what if what happens separates us?

I knew in my brain that it wasn't rational to jump to the worst conclusions, but my heart was racked in fear. 

Fear of losing the piece in my life that keeps me living. 

Brendon had said that they were going to start educating us, since being crazy had driven us away from getting a proper high school education. the group exchanged glances and nods, seemingly that was possible outcome. 

But the only thing to do was wait. Wait to find out just what the big change would be, the one addition to our treatments that would turn our lives upside down.

What I didn't know was that Brendon was right.

While on the bus Sarah stood up, swaying with the rickety bus's movements. 

"Ahem." she cleared her throat and earbuds were removed from ears, making the uncomfortable silence all the more unsettling.

"I would like to tell you all something very important about your treatments. You all have similar diagnoses so you will stay together but-" 

"But what Sarah, what is the big secret Esheman is keeping from us?" Brendon scoffs, throwing his hands up in irritation from being awaken.

She hesitates before continuing, scanning our worried faces "We aren't going back to the hospital." 

"WHAT?" a collective gasp erupts from the bus and she steps back, steadying herself and trying to answer all our questions.

"Where are you taking us then?' Patrick asks with teary eyes "Not another asylum Sarah anything but that."

She begins to speak "It's not an-" 

"Do our parents know about this?! You can't just ship us off to some other loony bin!" Ryan yells fiercely, hands going to his forehead in an effort to calm himself down.

"Boys, we aren't going to a hospital or an asylum...we are going to a school." She swallows "You are going to a boarding school, that's run by the hospital."

My jaw drops.

This can't be happening.

High school is the reason I tried to kill myself.

And we're going BACK?!

"WHAT?!" I scream, way too loud for a bus "WE ARE GOING TO A FUCKING SCHOOL?!" 

Sarah frowns "language Tyler. Yes, a boarding school where you'll live and get the education you're missing out on."

Josh jumps up, grabbing the seat. "You can't be serious Sarah." 

"I'm afraid I am." She sighs and we all go back to silence "And we'll be there in an hour."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ghost noises* 
> 
> So............I pulled myself together.
> 
> I am finished with this story 
> 
> The third is coming along shortly so hold on to your gorditas because part three is gonna be a doozy. 
> 
> Updates will be on Tuesdays and Fridays I think, I still haven't worked it out.


	46. Chapter 46

Hey another story done!

Just a reminder that part three is up and running! It's roughly going to be about 40 chapters, give or take. If you wouldn't mind reading it I'd really appreciate it!  
I also have another story up called Flightless Bird and It took awhile to start so if you'd check it out I'd be thrilled

Stay alive and seize the night <3


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